A Marriage of Inconvience
by meggles830
Summary: Remember that "fake" wedding of Felicity and Oliver's in season 4? Well, what if it wasn't quite as fake as they both believed at the time? I have no idea how long it will take for me to finish this story- it was intended as a one-shot, but I think there is still some to tell. May take a few chapters to get to M.
1. What the Frack?

"Oliver! Oliver Jonas Queen- what the fracking Hell is this?" Felicity was storming past Oliver's new assistant- some cute little brunette who looked like she could barely be out of high school… something to stew over later- now was the time to focus. Now was the time to yell and scream and use those big, fancy SAT words that got her into MIT on a full scholarship at the age of 16. The little mouse of an assistant was standing up, trying to tell her that she couldn't go into his office- the Mayor was on a call. Frack that.

She flung the door to his office wide open and saw Oliver stand up while still on his phone, looking as though he was going to smile and say hello, but then he saw the look on her face and rethought it. Speaking into the phone he murmured something about calling back, office emergency- it didn't matter. His assistant simpered into the office behind Felicity, trying to apologize for the interruption.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Mayor, but she just stormed past me- I'm sorry…" He held up his hand and flashed his million dollar smile and gorgeous baby blues at her- causing her to light up like a Christmas tree on… well, Christmas- Felicity's poetic side didn't seem to be at its best right now, being clouded by her righteous anger.

"Don't worry about it Lyssa. is welcome here anytime." He took one more look at Felicity's face, fury written all over it. "But I have a feeling this isn't strictly a social call, I think I'm going to wish I had a drink in a few minutes- would you mind pulling a bottle of my scotch down and a few clean glasses?" She nodded and left, shutting the door behind her.

"Cute kid- nice to see that you're helping her get her student service hours for high school."

"Lyssa? Yeah, she's a life saver, organized and very good at her-"

"And what is with that name- Lyssa? I mean, could you be anymore obvious?" She was rambling now, but sometimes a good rant was actually very much warranted and this was one of those times. "I mean, sure you trade in a blonde for a brunette, and she's all tiny and adorable, but come on- we both know one embrace and her neck would likely snap. And that's fine, that's YOUR staffing problem, but come the fuck on- Lyssa? Could that be any closer to Felicity?" She knew at this point she wasn't making her point as clearly or as articulately as she had planned, but that tiny hottie with the rocking body was definitely making her forget the original purpose of this visit.

"Felicity, is there something I can help you with? Not that I don't enjoy getting screamed at for my staffing choices." He was actually trying to hide a smile.

Seriously? She had to stop herself from smiling. This was not cute, this was NOT about her, this was absolutely NOT jealousy or anything to do with that stick outside of his office. No, this was about the letter that came in the mail today.

Right. The letter. That's why she was here and yelling.

She moved closer to his desk, waving some kind of official-looking document in his face- it looked like it had the Seal of the City stamped on the top of the letterhead but he couldn't tell for certain until she stopped waving it in his face and let him actually read it.

"When the hell were going to tell me Oliver? What the hell did you think you were going to do when I found out? Did you honestly believe that I was going to be grateful that you did an endrun around me and I would be oh so glad and weepy in your arms? That I would be happy that it all worked out and we're going to end happily ever after? That I was going to just change my name and get on waiting lists for preschools and suddenly forget everything that happened between us?

"I mean, I was just starting to think I had overreacted, that maybe I actually could trust you and maybe we could move forward- that I hadn't been fair to you or the situation, that I really should have been more grateful for everything you did for me when-" Any sign of amusement that had been on his face was gone and his reaction was mixed with absolute bewilderment and more than a little fear.

"Felicity, I'm really trying to follow this conversation, but so far all I know is that you really don't like my assistant, or at least you don't like her name; and that you think I did something sneaky and underhanded to try and win you back- but I didn't." He moved towards her, around his desk, so close she could feel his breath on her face. He switched to that deep, growly voice he used when he was going to say something particularly wonderful, that voice that made her slightly weak in the knees and wishing she had a benzo or two around. "I told you, I love you and I would do absolutely anything to win you back; but I promise, I've been above board. I've sent flowers, I've tried to take you to dinner, I've brought overly expensive Bordeaux to your apartment at completely inappropriate times of night- but I've been very upfront and honest about it all. I swear, Ms. Smoak, I've been a good boy." And dammit, that smile was back. Damn that smile- it always got her in so much trouble. Concentrate- focus. Ms. Smoak, that shocked her into action.

"Don't you mean Mrs. Queen?" And then she slammed down the document she had been waving, slammed it so hard onto the desk she winced as her open palm hit the surface. The slight twitch in her face would have amused him a lot more if he wasn't so distracted by the sheet of paper. He picked it up- it was from the City- the City Clerk's office actually.

To: Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak:

As you may know, three months ago, tragic events unfolded in Star City. Due to these extreme and catastrophic events, it was necessary to immediately halt any non-emergency programs and tasks, leading to a temporary closure of the city records office. During this time a great deal of paperwork was delayed in being processed and finalized, for which we apologize profusely. This letter serves as confirmation that your marriage certificate has been filed with the city, the IRS and the Social Security Bureau. Again, we sincerely apologize for the delay. Please accept our sincere best wishes in your marriage."

Enclosed were three copies of a marriage certificate that had been stamped and sealed by the city.

He looked up at her, not comprehending what he just read. "What does this mean?"

"What do you mean what does this mean? I know you aren't exactly Albert Einstein, but I'm pretty sure you're capable of reading and processing the information that according to the city, to the state and to the fracking United States government- you and I are united in holy matrimony- man and wife. Have been, in fact, for months!"

It was at that moment that Lyssa knocked on the door and entered with a new bottle of Glenmorangie 15 and two clean rocks glasses. The tension in the air was obvious and the poor assistant seemed unsure whether she should continue forward or retreat instantly and hide under her desk- so she just left the items on the table nearest the door and bolted. With one last look back at her boss and the angry blond woman, she knew not to get between them and this fight, no matter what.

As the door shut, with Felicity's death stare focused laser-like on him, Oliver slumped into his chair behind his desk, barely acknowledging that she was in the room- staring at the paper as though he could change what it said with his mind.

"How… how did this happen?" His throat felt dry, he was hoarse as he spoke. He stood again, feeling not entirely grounded and moved to pour himself a finger of scotch, which he knocked back in one gulp. He began to pour himself another, but looking back at the paper, he thought twice and poured a double.

"What do you mean how did this happen? You're the goddamn Mayor of this town, AND the person who insisted on that sham wedding AND the person who-"

"That's enough Felicity, I get it." He was pale, he looked up at her, beaten down and defeated.

She looked at him, her lips pursed, her face tilted slightly to the side as she tried to process this. He took pity on her and poured her a double- she didn't usually drink scotch but he had a feeling today would be an exception.

"Wait, do you mean you really didn't know? This IS actually some kind of horrific cosmic fuckup and the Universe DOES have it out for me?" She moved to pour herself a generous scotch before collapsing into the chairs across from his table. There were tears in her eyes, tears he had seen her cry a few too many times for his peace of mind, but she didn't seem able to stop it. "I'm cursed. That's the only answer. I must have done awful things in some previous life." She looked to her drink, slugging about half of it back as she stared blankly out the window of his office.

"Well, I'm glad to know how you feel about our marriage, Mrs. Queen." He wasn't really sure how to react to the news, but he was determined to keep the emotion out of his voice as much as possible, she wasn't paying any attention, he took a breath and tried again. "I'm absolutely baffled Felicity- truly, I am. But I will look into it, I will. Look- theoretically, these people all work for me, it should be simple enough for me to explain that there was some kind of misunderstanding and have it taken care of. Ok?"

She looked at him- weighing whether she should trust him. "Fine. Just do it fast, ok?" And with that she turned and left the room, leaving Oliver there, very much like a befuddled simpleton clinging to a piece of paper as though it were a life preserver in a violent storm.

* * *

Two days later Felicity entered the lair to Oliver boxing against some kind of punching bag that rocked over and almost fell down whenever he struck it particularly hard- and he was hitting it pretty damn hard. He had music playing as he danced around the bag with no gloves on- something loud and fast and powerful. Felicity stopped briefly to allow herself to enjoy the sight of him without his shirt on, sweating and weaving in and out, away from then closer into his "opponent." But all too quickly the song ended and he looked up and noticed her standing there.

"Oh, hi. Sorry- I didn't hear you come in- I guess the music was pretty loud." Before the next song came on, he moved over to turn it off and looked back at her.

"It's fine. You know me, I love to see my husband keeping it tight." They both smiled for a second and then she was back to all business mode.

"Speaking of, husbands, is it done? Were you able to figure out the problem and get it taken care of?" Oliver looked at her, pulling on a gray henley shirt as she sat down at her Command Station- mostly so he wouldn't have to look her in the eye as he explained.

"Well, I think I got to the bottom of what happened. I spent a lot of time with the City Clerk and with the City Attorney and…"

"Annnd? Why does it sound like that and has a but to it? A large but? Like Sir Mix-A-Lot would sing about it kind of big but?" He walked to the other side of the training area to get himself a bottle of cold water, wanting to make sure he had a little distance between them as he explained.

"Well, it's like this. In the US, states are allowed to make up their own individual marriage laws, and many of them allow their cities or counties to do that, rather than be dictated to. So, we apparently have some of the looser laws in the country in terms of process. What you need to do is apply for a license together, as a couple- signing it at that time, saying you're both planning to marry and someone official will be blessing it and signing off on it in the near future. That person will then send the now official license into the City, who processes it and and sends the couple the official marriage certificate."

"But Oliver, neither of us ever signed anything!"

"Actually, Felicity, we did. Remember? Once we set the date we went to the County Clerk's office and applied for a license- that's when we signed it. I gave the license to the officiant when we booked the wedding with her and I guess that neither of us thought to tell her that the wedding was actually just one big…"

Sudden realization flashed across her face, understanding, her eyes widening to the size of saucers. She stood suddenly, pushing the chair she had been sitting on far away as she turned to face him. "What? No no no no no no. Bad, Oliver, this is VERY bad! We're married? You mean this isn't just some horrible clerical error or ridiculous mistake?" She couldn't look at him, for which he was very grateful, so she couldn't see the pain behind his eyes. Then she whirled back at him,

"But wait, we didn't say the words!" He looked back at her with one eyebrow arched in question. "The words, the magic words- you know, "love, honor, obey, sickness and health and all of that 'I do!" crap."

"Felicity, it's called a Declaration of Intent- and it's VERY subjective, up to the officiant... and since we were so violently interrupted… it seems like the officiant just felt like giving two kids who were young and in love a break after all that drama- so she just signed the damn thing and mailed it in."

"And that's legal? She can just do that? She can just sign a piece of paper and tell two people- any two people, that they're just stuck listening to each other's corny jokes and tolerating their snoring and their enjoyment of terrible martial arts films and their obnoxious love for beets and Russian vodka- for the rest of their lives?" Felicity was spinning out- she was pacing, her heels clacking on the floor, her mind reeling and her pony tail swinging back and forth. Oliver had to breathe in, breathe out, try and keep it controlled.

"Well, I suppose to most people, applying for the license is a good enough show of faith that-"

She changed course abruptly and instead of pacing across the platform, she moved straight to her computers and within seconds had multiple screens pulling up databases and making queries. She was muttering under her breath and Oliver heard "meshuggener" and "oye vey" and a few other choice words in Yiddish- when the hell had she begun to speak Yiddish?

"YES! Registered in the database, of course! I can hack into Star City and wipe out the record of it… I can hit Social Security and the IRS while I'm at it, it will be just like it never happened and we aren't married and it's going to be fine." She was smiling, practically giggling at her screens. "Then you can put on your mask and your hood and everything and just run on up to the City Records and get any of the physical evidence and destroy it. I can work on this end while you do that and no one needs to know anything about this."

"You know, Felicity, I am the Mayor- I could probably get my hands on the files without the costume and subterfuge."

"That's right!" She lit up, looking hopeful once again. "Yes! Good! You're the Mayor! We can use that, you can just request to see the files and then 'accidentally' (she put that in quotations marks) see that they're destroyed!"

"Well, you see, about that…"

"How are we coming to ANOTHER but? Seriously, Queen- you're in, you're out, but I'm telling you a few keystrokes, your mask and then bippity boppity boo, it's done!"

"Did you just quote Cinderella when explaining your master evil plan?" He was almost smiling now and that was not something she could really have right now- it was a serious distraction- she needed to stay focused on getting this done; NOT on spending anytime thinking about the way he had said 'Mrs. Queen' or the way that his abs had been particularly chiseled from all the workouts he'd been going through lately to kill time and work off… energy- least of all the look in his eyes, the look of anguish, when she had been so excited to have this done and over with.

He came over and sat on the desk next to her, his knees almost touching her elbow as she typed furiously- he would never cease to be amazed at the skills of her tiny little fingers… whoa, not the right way to phrase it- even in his head that thought wreaked havoc with his hormones and imagination.

"Well, as it would turn out, my asking questions seems to have made people curious about the why and wherefore. So, a little digging by a few reporters and what do you know? _The Star City Ledger_ has the certificate. They know. Well, I suppose it's more accurate that they were reminded about it. I suppose everything that happened with Genesis, with Dahrk, the rebuilding of the city- somehow the wedding of two local celebrities got lost in the chaos, which is awfully surprising considering the fact that there is yet ANOTHER Kardashian reality show just announced." Why did he know that? Trying to connect with the electorate was genuinely starting to take its toll on him, he decided.

"Ok, so the papers might have questions- we've dodged this kind of thing before. We'll tell them the events made us re-think things and that we needed to slow down and-"

"Felicity, someone just challenged me in the Mayoral race. And, I'm vulnerable. This was only an interim appointment, I have 6 more weeks before its official and I was just about to try and launch not only proposal for how to deal with the giant sinkhole that is now the Glades, but the increase in the police force, the disaster relief funding from FEMA, the NIH/NRC money we were going to use to help the First Responders… but the man running? He doesn't want any of that! He wants to create a militarized police force, he wants to scale back and refuse any federal or state aid in rebuilding, concerned over the overreach of big government. He believes that what happened to the Glades was probably justice for people living sinful lives without contributing to society." His look told her he was serious, this was not the kind of guy anyone would want in office, especially not a team of vigilantes who were trying to keep the body count as low as possible.

"So… what? It's a clerical error. That's all we have to say! Everyone gets on board with a government bureaucracy making peoples' lives harder. "

"A clerical error that a wedding happened accidentally? That doesn't exactly show me in my best light- it would be like we ran off to Vegas and got hammered and made stupid decisions. That isn't really what a city is looking for in a leader- especially not now! What other possibilities are there. What, there is some kind of reason for an instant split- why? There are a lot of things I'm willing to do for you- almost anything, actually- but I am NOT willing to let people speculate on whether I cheated on you, on whether I fully loved you, to question what we meant to each other, once upon a time."

"Fine- say that I cheated on you, or I didn't love you…" His blue eyes went black, instantly.

"No!" He barked it at her, raising the hairs on the back of her neck.

"Oliver- its sympathetic, the voters will love it- you'll be-"

"I said no. I'm sorry Felicity, there are a lot of things I'll do for you, but there is no way I'll agree to either of those- because I know, I know, with everything in me, neither of those things are true. I know, that even while you've decided I'm not your forever and always, you are mine- you are what has kept me alive and whole; you are what brought me out of the darkness I had been drowning in for long, and I cannot, I will not for even a second, question your goodness or your love." He was struggling against the flood of emotions trying to break the dam he had built inside of him. He looked at her, tears in his eyes, his heart pounding.

"I may never have your love or trust again, but I need you to understand that I can't even entertain the thought that what we had- those nights in Bali, the home in Ivy Town, the all-encompassing and absolute love that we shared…" The tears were streaming now- but he had to get this out, he had to say it- it was choking him, killing him to keep it inside. He whispered as he spoke, "But all of my good moments, all of my best self, all the good that I have ever done or ever will do- if not for you and your love, none of them would have happened. None of this would have been possible." One hand cupped her chin and he allowed to fingers to graze against her cheek, his heart pounding and her breath hitched. "I can't- I can't pretend that any of it was a lie. Please, I'm begging you, don't ask me to."

He pulled her to him briefly in a tight embrace and tenderly kissed the top of her head, in that way she knew and loved so much. She was crying, but refused to raise her head so that he could see- but she didn't need to worry. As she stared at the platform's floor, noticing it was blurring from her tears, she heard the heavy sounds of his footsteps walking away from her, up the steel stairs and out the door- the slamming of which brought her back to the moment and the pain and the fact that he was gone, and she still had no idea what to do with that knowledge and hurt.


	2. The Truth (and Tequila) Hurts

Felicity had only been to this house only once before- something that made her feel a little weird at the moment, but she had been driving around Star City for at least forty minutes, alternating between shouting obscenities at no one and crying. She pulled her car into park and walked up the adorable little foot path to the even cuter brick house with a bright blue door. She knocked and was greeted quickly by a surprised looking Curtis, holding a half-full glass of red wine.

"Hi, Curtis. I know I should have called, but I just… I just really needed to go somewhere and definitely didn't want to be at the loft. Can I come in?" She stepped inside without even waiting for him to answer, taking his glass of wine and finishing it in one gulp- "Thanks, I really needed that. I assume there's more in the kitchen?" She swept right past him, down the center hallway to the kitchen, leaving Curtis behind trying to figure out what was happening.

"Umm, yeah, there is- but-"

"Curtis, who was that at the door?" Paul was coming in from what Felicity assumed was the family room, his hair looking slightly mussed and his face a little flushed.

"Oh, Curtis- I'm so sorry. I should have called, I knew I should have called. Damn. I'm sorry. Let me just give you back your wine and grab my keys and get out of here…" She moved fast, flustered, clearly it had been date night in the house and she had interrupted. Curtis and Paul did that silent but effective form of communication via eyes and brows that long-term couples seemed able to pull off- she and Oliver had been able to do that, back in the day- especially about her mother or Thea or anything to do with "cover me while the Green Arrow runs an errand". Truth be told, she missed those days. Then again, she had never denied to anyone that she missed them- it just wasn't in the cards for her.

Apparently Curtis won out on the eyebrow war and Paul went to find another bottle of wine and a third glass, reassuring her as he moved around the kitchen and the bar by squeezing her shoulder and kissing her on the cheek.

"Don't be silly, Felicity, you're obviously upset. We can't have you going back out and driving like this. Come in, we were just catching up on Scandal. Spoiler alert- Washington is a hot damn mess. But we can finish it another night. Come in, tell us everything going on in the exciting world of single people!" Paul handed her a full glass of wine and moved her into the family room- she was trying to ignore the candles that had clearly just been blown out and the blanket that had been discarded from the couch.

Hanging over the fireplace was a large photograph of Curtis and Paul on their wedding day, showing off their wedding rings, smiling- deliriously happy. On the table next to the arm chair was a framed invitation to the wedding- it was like the room was simply screaming at her- " _Marriage is so awesome even the cool gays are doing it!"_ Standing in front of the fireplace, studying the photo she couldn't help but smile at them.

"Oh wow, Curtis, Paul- it looks like a gorgeous wedding- you're both so handsome." She picked up the framed invitation from the table. "I like the Caribbean feel- the wetsuits are charming and…" She was cut off by the tears, the almost wracking sobs that were coming and she just couldn't stop. She sat in the arm chair across from them. After the longest moment of her life, Curtis walked a box of tissues over to her, letting a hand rest on her shoulder- she took it and put a hand on his, taking comfort from his touch.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry guys. I just invaded your night, with no warning, and I'm drinking your wine and now I'm acting like a crazy person and I'm so sorry." She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose loudly- wow, good thing it was two men who would never have any interest in her. "It's just that you're both so in love, and your wedding looks so beautiful. And mine would have been- but…" And she teared up again. "God, I'm so sorry!"

"Oh honey, don't worry about it- this is starting to seem like it could be better than Scandal- what is going on?" Curtis had to smack Paul on the shoulder for getting so gossipy, but he was dying to hear the story too- Felicity could be very emotional and tear up at commercials if they were sweet enough- but she was not someone he considered a drama queen and he didn't think he'd ever seen her sob before.

"It's a long story, and uh, I'm not really sure what I can tell you- but, basically… you may remember that Oliver and I- that we were going to get married? Of course you remember that, it was kind of a big deal... and you guys were there, at our engagement party, duh! It's when I met you, Paul... and called you a hottie? God, why do I say these things? Anyways, we were supposed to get married, but it... it didn't work out." The tears- good God, would the tears actually ever stop? How was there enough hydration left in her body to produce that many? "Well, right after we broke up, we were approached by the Green Arrow, he's kind of an old friend- it's a long, complicated story." She took a huge gulp of wine, NOT looking at Curtis, who of course at this point did know the full story, and barrelled on. "So, he needed help catching someone, Cupid? She was a mask stalking couples and killing them on their wedding day and the Green Arrow, well, he asked if we'd be willing to-" Stop sniffling you wuss! "Willing to go through with it, for show, just to try and trap her. So we did. And it worked- and he had people covering us and they brought her down… but… you see- I just found out- and so did Oliver- it turns out- it actually took!"

"What?" They actually both seemed to say it at the same time- did couples do that in real life? It always seemed so fake on TV. No, no way were people that adorable in real life. She sat there, finishing her wine and holding the glass out for a refill. Paul leaned in with the bottle to accommodate.

"By the way, guys, this is a really bangin' wine. Seriously- its awesome. Is it French?"

"Umm, yeah, it's a Left Bank Bordeaux, 2006- we brought it back from our latest trip to France. I'm glad you like it."

"I love a good French red." She drank a bit more, trying not to feel bad about the fact that each bottle was easily worth at least $100- whatever, she got her golden parachute from Palmer Tech, she'd buy them a damn case if they could somehow help her sort through how she felt and what the hell she was supposed to do about the situation.

"Yeah, well… we were engaged. We had actually planned to get married. So, when we got our marriage license- we went through it all like it was real. It was real. But then, when I called it off and then back on, trying to catch Cupid- which we did, by the way. You know, sometimes I really don't feel like our plan gets nearly enough credit for actually working, especially the really crazy ones… well, it turns out, someone forgot to let the officiant in on our plan. Long story short- I'm Mrs. Oliver Queen. Have been, for 4 months now. I'm sorry- do you have anything stronger than wine? I really need something considerably stronger than wine right now." She got up and moved towards the kitchen, opening up cupboards- they had to have something considerably more suitable to the predicament- the Gays always anticipated any social occasion- there must be some kind of appropriate preparation for _"your friend/boss/friend has accidentally married the love of her life but knows that she can't possibly be with him"_ situation.

Curtis came into the kitchen, which was in full view of the family room, pointing out the bar that had scotch and rum and tequila, explaining they kept the vodka and gin in the freezer.

"No. No scotch. No vodka." She drank those with Oliver. "Tequila, yes! Andale andale!. Do you have limes and some salt?" Of course they did- she knew that if she was going to drink with anyone, if she was going to sort through anything, these were the guys to do it with- they'd have the necessary ingredients to make some emotional headway. She knew that she could go to a Shrink or some kind of Guru and be hypnotized or maybe she could call a psychic or go to Temple and speak with a Rabbi, but what could they ever accomplish that a bottle of tequila and two amazing gay men couldn't help her figure out? This was the way to search her soul and figure out what was happening... or to just obliterate her memory entirely. To be honest, she was pretty sure that she'd be fine either way- at this point, she understood that beggars can't be choosers.

* * *

Two shots in and she was almost feeling better. That lovely warmth that happens throughout your body after a shot or two of excellent tequila was setting in; she was loving the warm, floating feeling taking over. Paul was about ready to go to bed, it was obvious that he didn't drink this hard any more, and it seemed like Felicity had things she needed to talk about that he couldn't or maybe shouldn't be around for. He leaned in and kissed Curtis on the forehead, whispering something in his ear, smiling and squeezing his shoulder as he left the room. That simple and so incredibly sweet act just made Felicity wistful- she wanted that! She had, at some point, had it- and she had let it go. Some might say she had thrown it away.

"Ok, Felicity. What's going on?"

While they had been whispering to each other, Felicity was keeping busy by trying to count her teeth with her tongue. She knew she was supposed to have 32 in her mouth, but for some reason she kept losing count around 21. She threw her head back in the chair, wishing they could talk about absolutely anything else at all right now. But she came here, she had theoretically wanted to talk about this- to deal with this. But, then again, any of her professors in college would say that her greatest strength/greatest weakness had always been the understanding of the concept "theoretical".

"Curtis- do we have to talk about this? Really? Do we have to talk at all? Can't we just drink and blissfully forget that we exist at all up until we get a hangover so incredibly bad that we can't even think about anything tomorrow other than vomiting and sweating and stuff?"

"Well, as lovely as that sounds, Felicity, I think there is something that you really wanted to talk about when you came here tonight. And I'm guessing that maybe, were they available, you would have gone to Diggle or Thea, but they aren't, so you came here- which is fine, I get it. But maybe, in the absence of them being here to call you out on your own shit, let me try to sum up what I think you're going through.

"You were never really sure you and Oliver should break up. You were hurt- and understandably so- and you didn't know you could ever hurt like that. You were going through a lot- you had the implant surgery two weeks prior and nothing had happened with the chip. Oliver didn't tell you he had a son- which I can imagine feels like a dropkick right to the balls- I mean, if you had balls; and to top it all off, without talking to you, he made the decision that he couldn't be in the kid's life at all to keep the boy safe- and that fucking hurt.

"And the worst part of it all? The part that sucked the most of all, is that you are terrified he's always going to make unilateral decisions. That maybe, if he were scared enough, he'd decide you can't have a child, that you can't live here around him, that he's too dangerous to have a life like that and your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings- they won't matter. And you know what, girl? Yeah, he's going to be really scared about those things. Even in the most normal circumstances, these things terrify people- and those normal people don't feel like they literally carry the world on their shoulders like he does."

Felicity had been about to take her fourth shot, but was actually stopped in motion at his comments.

"Does it really matter why I ended it with him? Does it count it all that he had a child and KEPT THAT CHILD FROM ME? Or that he then sent the child and the child's mother away from the city without talking to me? Or that-"

"Felicity, you're hurting every which way until Sunday, and I'm not saying that you don't have every right to be pissed and feel ignored and hurt and a million other things… But, come on, are you ever going to not be crazy in love with him? I mean, seriously, Paul and I spent a lot of time talking about how disgustingly adorable you two were- like, if we ever had a daughter, we'd be so happy (and a little angry) if she looked at a guy the way that you look at him- present tense intended, by the way. I don't know who you think you're fooling- but it isn't as many people as you think. Yeah, you got hurt, and maybe you guys couldn't work... but if you still love each other the way that we all know you do- isn't it maybe worth it to try and move past it?"

And with that he matched her fourth shot and raised an eyebrow, challenging her for a 5th round.

She almost crumbled right then and there, letting her head drop on her forearm as she did, tears pricking her eyes as she sat there.

"But he lied to me! He didn't trust me! How can anyone marry someone that they don't trust me entirely? Explicity? What the hell kind of marriage is that? How could I have ever…"

"Stop!" This time he actually seemed angry- he looked like he was legitimately mad at her.

"No, come on Felicity, stop. This is bullshit- it's pure and total bullshit. I'm sorry, I don't know what you THINK is happening, or what you think you're going to accomplish by punishing both of you, but let me let you in on a little truth: marriage is fucking hard. It is. Sure it's about trust and openness- but it's about a lot of other things too. One of the biggest things? Maybe THE biggest thing? Forgiveness.

"I'm positive neither Paul nor I have any illegitimate children lying around the country- he's kind of one of those 'Gold Star Gays' and I'm not far behind, but I also know that if I did, I literally can't say what I would do. I mean, how does anyone prepare for that kind of completely out-of-the-blue information? By definition you can't! He made a really bad decision, I'm not going to say otherwise, but seriously, was there a good decision to be made?"

Well, that was the question, wasn't it? She wanted to believe that he had chosen his child and ex-girlfriend over her. But even that ex had admitted she mandated it or he would never be in William's life... well, sure, he could have said something to Felicity, he could have lied to his ex and told Felicity all about it- so was she actually this angry that he refused to actively lie to the mother of his child, rather than not saying something to her about a child that he had met twice- and may never see again?

How were these the questions she was supposed to be ready to answer? Who could possibly know what to do in this situation? Ok, maybe she hadn't been fair enough to him. But, ultimately, she was hurt- that was really all that she knew. She was hurt, and she was angry, and he couldn't have done anything to make it better and that just wasn't fair.

"Felicity, it was the Kobayashi Maru. He was in the ultimate no-win scenario. I mean, if you can believe Star Trek, and of course Captain Kirk- as we all should- the greatest to ever Captain the Enterprise."

"Oh come the fuck on, Curtis- Sisko, THEN Piccard, THEN Kirk."

"I'll give you that the Original Series is somewhat flawed in its execution, but the more you explore the canon, the more you come to see my point that he was the ultimate-"

"Stop! Curtis! I didn't come here to argue with an idiot who clearly has only seen like four episodes of the damn show in his lifetime." Of course, the subtext of what she didn't say was "Shut the hell up, I know that you're right and I'm not really able or willing to handle this honest and true information."

Curtis smiled. If they had been playing chess, this would be the moment that he had someone in checkmate, and she knew it and she did NOT like that look. Then he moved in for the kill.

"Remember, the Kobayashi Maru is dictated by one person, a cadet- a student- who MUST make the impossible choice on his own. And neither of those choices CAN be right! That's the point! It's the literal no-win scenario, he could have brought you in and ultimately lose the trust of his son's mother, and therefore any chance to be in the kid's life- or he could have kept quiet and spent time with his son and lost you. And as someone who has never had a child, but would love to… I can't imagine a situation where I wouldn't do whatever it takes- LITERALLY- to get to know my child. I just- I seriously can't even... "

"I know! I KNOW! Seriously, Curtis- do you think I haven't played this through in my head every which way all day, every day for months? I know that he was in an impossible situation! I know that he was trying to do the best he could! But…"

"But what, Felicity? Come on, finish that sentence- he was insanely in love with you for YEARS before he even asked you on a date, and it was like, what, a year after that before you two got together? He might be able to spar against ancient teams of assassins and all kinds of warlords and metahumans and not only survive, but win- but ironically, thinking on his feet is NOT even close to a quality of his. And you knew that. You KNEW that, the entire time you were together. He's a superhero, because he makes these impossible choices and lives the consequences- and sometimes he makes the WRONG choice. Instead of hurting person A, he hurts person B... But his instinct is protection- not exclusion or infidelity or harm or fear- he just wants to protect people. And that's all he was doing. Without any practice or understanding or even prep- he was thinking like a father- wanting to protect his son, above anything else. You ask me? That might be a good guy to have a family with."

"So wait- you're actually suggesting that rather than being pissed and angry and a million other things, I should just be grateful that somehow, in this incredibly horrible twist of fate, Oliver and I are married and that's the end of it?

"Umm, I'm sorry, did you hear me say that? Did you hear me say anything even approaching that? Of course not! But, do I think that you need to cut him some slack and maybe talk to him and attempt to work some of your issues out? And do I think that this jagweed Robinson who's challenging him as Mayor is someone that this city shouldn't have to deal with, on the heels of everything else? Of course- he seems somewhat counter to mine and Paul's interests, not to mention the interests of the city- exclusionary, elitist… I'd hate it if he was elected Mayor- especially over Oliver, who despite all his faults as a person, actually seems to give a damn about this city, and make that matter.

"But if you think that is what matters to me right now? If you think that's why I've opened up myself to yet another absurd Star Trek debate with you, then you're insane." He put both hands on her shoulders, looking her squarely in her big, admittedly beautiful eyes- "Felicity, what I have with Paul is amazing and beautiful and has changed me so completely I can't describe. But I've never had a man that I knew, with every fiber of my being, would give up his life for me, would go to Hell and back, would literally risk his body and soul on my behalf… not only has Oliver said he would- but he has LITERALLY shown you, over and over again, that he means it."

And again with the crying. How could she still have enough water in her body to create these tears? Why couldn't she make them stop? But whether it was the tequila or exhaustion or just fear, she grasped Curtis tightly and sobbed onto his shoulder, not able to let go as tears streamed down her face. At least, that was the last thing she remembered- for about 10 hours.

Until she woke up in a strange bed, in a room painted some kind of beige with grey undertones (was greige a word?) aånd had to jump to her feet to find the nearest bathroom so she could vomit. In between heaves she tried to remember how much she had to drink last night- she was pretty sure it was a few glasses of wine, fine- she could drink a good red until the cows came home. So why was she so sick- oh, fuck. Tequila. How many shots had she done? She was almost in her thirties, she was WAAAAAY too old to still be shooting tequila- no matter the circumstances! Had it been 5? No, after five Curtis had made that comment about Star Trek and she'd done another just to prove a point… oh, and then they argued, he stuck up for Oliver and she discovered the grapefruit in the fridge, wanted to try using a grapefruit instead of a lime. It was not tasty. At all. And then she cried, for a long time- she remembered that part- embarassed and angry at herself.å

Once she thought everything was out of her system that could possibly be removed, she stood and looked in the mirror. That was a Felicity she hadn't seen in awhile looking back. Her hair was still basically in a ponytail, but about ½ of the hairs were wisping out of the band. Her eye makeup was running down her face and she dabbed at it a bit, adjusting her glasses to be straight on her nose, then pulled her dress back down to the knees instead of her upper thighs. She could handle this. She was Felicity Smoak. She had fought metahumans and the Bratva and Damien Darhk… but if she didn't get out from the light in this bathroom instantly, she was going to be so sick she'd never leave- she ran back to the bed she woke up in and tried desperately to fall back asleep and imagine that any of the last 24 hours had NEVER happened. Ever.


	3. Recovery

Felicity was late to the Lair that night- she showed up wearing some schlubby jeans and a tank top, her hair in a high ponytail, not wearing heels- something that Oliver noticed almost immediately- she didn't quite look like herself. Even over the months they had lived together he had rarely seen her give so little regard for her overall appearance. More so, her skin looked almost green and there were bags under her eyes.

"Are you sure you should be here tonight? You don't look well…" Oye, when had his voice become so loud and annoying to her? God, it was like cats playing violins. She held one hand up to her temple and moved as quickly as she could to the fridge for a bottle of water- desperately needing to rehydrate to the point that she could sit up without feeling queasy.

"I'm fine. Thanks. Just… a very long, very rough night, I suppose." One look and Oliver understood perfectly. He'd seen it before- his favorite probably being the time in Positano she had enthusiastically experimented with grappa- she was a light weight even in the best of circumstances- and stubbornly refused to acknowledge it to anyone, especially herself. God help her if she ever had to deal with the Bratva- two shots of vodka and she'd be out cold. He tried not to smirk at her hungover condition, but it was kind of funny.

"I see. Anything I can do?" He was only a little concerned- hangovers sucked, but after their fight last night, he couldn't help but be a little amused. She gulped down about ½ of the water in the bottle and tried to massage her temples as she sat at her computer. The nausea seemed considerably better at this point in the day, but her head and muscles ached fiercely and the bright lights in the lair glaring at her were not helping at all.

"If you'd like to take one of those arrows, shoot it right at me- put me out of my misery, that would be incredibly welcome at the moment"

"Sorry, somehow I'm fresh out of arrows." He moved towards her, hunched over the desk and he couldn't resist massaging her shoulders, something she had always loved. He knew exactly how much pressure she needed and the areas she tended to carry the most tension in. He had done this at least 100 times before, but it had been months since the last time, he had almost forgotten how delicate her shoulders were, or the tiny cluster of freckles that sat right at the base of her neck, just above her collar line- he had spent hours of his life kissing that spot- a fairly sensitive one for her too- sometimes she would just sigh into it, sometimes that was the moment she would moan his name and he could- _whoa… keep a lid on that one Buddy, no good comes from wandering down that path in your head- you know that._

Within seconds of his massage starting, Felicity had relaxed into it- she noticed the tension in her neck and shoulders beginning to fade. Reflexively, she leaned back so her head was resting against his torso, her eyes closed, just enjoying the moment. Her eyes were closed, she was smiling, and it felt as though nothing had changed- it was as though the last 6 months had never happened. Deciding to risk spoiling the moment, Oliver asked:

"So, what's the story? Big celebration? Dinner with friends? Battlestar Galactica drinking game?" That last one seemed likely, he'd seen her the morning after some MIT friends had come into town for a weekend and they tried that one- that had been an epic three day hangover of hers that he would never forget- at one point he actually just came and got an IV unit from the Lair and hooked her up to fluids- for people so incredibly brilliant, they had been about as dumb and irresponsible drinking as Oliver and Tommy in their playboy heydays.

"Ugh, I don't even really remember how it all began! We started off with some incredible 2000-something Bordeaux and then he started pouring tequila and by the time I woke up this morning I was just-" Oh god. She shouldn't have said that. His hands stopped, she felt his whole body stiffen behind her and he took in a sharp breath. Her eyes flew open and she turned around in her swivel chair almost instantly- looking at him.

"Not like ,God, Oliver, no- it wasn't like a date- it wasn't- it was Curtis. In fact, I actually had crashed date night for Curtis and Paul and somehow we got to drinking and I don't entirely remember everything that was said... but I do know that they they have a very comfortable guest bed.

"But it wasn't a date, not with another guy- another straight guy, at least. I haven't-" That's where she trailed off- haven't what? Haven't moved on? Haven't been interested? Haven't been able to think about any guy in that way without her mind being clouded with images of his smile, the way his eyes tended to almost twinkle when he teased her for having a genius IQ but being completely incapable of make an omelette or giving accurate directions without the aid of a GPS. Or about the fact that the last few moments of him massaging her shoulders was easily the most relaxed and happy she had been in the last six months?

He had stepped away from her, his arms limp, him switching to that look that was his emotional mask- he didn't want her to see what he was thinking or what he was feeling and so he'd just withdraw..

"No, you shouldn't have to explain to me. You're an adult, you can do what you want…"

"Oliver, I didn't do anything."

"But if you had…"

"But I didn't. I won't." Their eyes caught, she didn't have any kind of gift for masking what she was feeling or thinking- her biggest frustration in life was always that while she was amazing at Poker, it's really only because she can count cards, she had a lousy poker face. But, since her basic instinct when emotions were high and she didn't know what else to do... she joked.

"I mean, I could never cheat on my husband, now could I?" He smiled a little at her- some of the cloud that seemed to be hovering over him disappeared briefly- as he remembered there was something they needed to talk about.

"Yeah, about that, actually- I need to discuss something with you." He was standing and seemed a bit fidgety and nervous, not necessarily a good sign.

"So, the papers have a few pictures from the wedding- we did leak things pretty well, plenty of paparazzi showed up to see Playboy Oliver Queen marry the head of Palmer Tech- and, uh... well, they're going to do a human interest story on us. At least, that is, they want to. They contacted my office for an interview and I decided to go with "the Mayor doesn't discuss his private life with the press," but my Campaign Manager got pretty upset with that.

"You have to understand, to Max, this is basically the stuff Politico's dream of- two people, young, happy and in love- talking about their plans for the future, taking a few photos of domestic bliss… And Robinson is really playing up my less than angelic past- the women, the partying, everything with my Mother and the Undertaking, losing QC…. So, you can imagine, the idea that if the voters could get a glimpse of the happily married, brunch-making, crossword puzzle doing version of Oliver Queen- well, that could make it so much harder for Robinson to win that narrative. I mean, as I was asked, who doesn't love a good old fashioned tale of redemption?"

Felicity just sat there. Not one for being speechless, she literally had no idea what to say right now. Her mouth opened, she was looking at him, she tried moving it, but no words were forthcoming. Was she having a stroke? Wasn't there something about inability to speak tied to strokes?

"Felicity? Are you ok? I'm sorry to just hit you with this, I know it's asking a lot but-"

"Wait. Oliver. What exactly ARE you asking me?" Oh thank Google, words were back. "Are you asking me to just stay married to you?" Wow she had seriously never seen him even close to this nervous as he rushed to try and reassure her.

"Just for the next six weeks- that's it, then the election will be over and we can get an annulment or whatever you want. And not, married married- but publicly, technically… I could still crash here at the Lair, just be seen around your building a little more- maybe invite some reporter into the loft talk to the newlyweds, go to one or two functions together? I promise to keep it as minimal for you as I possibly can."

"What the hell is this? This is like the plot of some horrible chick flick! You're all Tom Hanks and I'm Meg Ryan and we're going to just try and convince a whole city of people that we are, in fact, a married couple? I swear I've seen that movie- and guess what? It was campy and cheesy and impossible to believe even when I knew it was just a movie! Not to mention, one person figures it out and how much worse is that scandal? I mean, come on- are we seriously going to do a series of cheesy fake wedding photos and make up stories about our honeymoon while we pretend to fight over baby names?"

"Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan? Felicity, I spent 5 years on an island in the North China Sea and another 4 pretty much living down here in the lair full-time, and even _I_ know how dated that reference is." He was trying to keep it light, trying not to seem too serious about this- he knew it was asking a lot, but his campaign team really seemed convinced it was an easy win for him to do what seemed like, to them at least, such a simple thing. He wasn't going to dwell at all on the idea that this would mean a lot of time together- a lot of non-Lair, non-Team Arrow time, or his hope that maybe it would help her remember things- remember a time when she had _wanted_ to marry him.

"Look, you don't have to say yes to that right now. I know it's not nothing that I'm asking, and I'm sure that the last thing you really want to do is bail out your ex in a fairly big way- but you know I wouldn't be asking this if I didn't think it was important."

"Oh, Oliver, I don't know, it isn't that I don't want to help, and you're right, the idea of that Robinson creep being Mayor is not one that I relish... I just-"

"How about we take it slow? There's a thing happening, a fundraiser, actually. It's the inaugural gala for the new Genesis Victims Fund, and I'm on the board. And with the media's new interest in our… marriage… well, I was hoping maybe you could join me- just for one night, I promise- I just… if you would just consider it… You're so good at these kinds of things- we'll have a little champagne, we'll dance once or twice and I promise to rescue you if you're cornered by that horrible woman who always brings the tiny dog to these things."

"Oh man, Mrs. Stoddenfelt- wow, I almost forgot about her! Oh my God, that time she brought Fifi in a matching hat to the Children's Hospital gala…" She was smiling at the memory of that night- back when she was CEO of Palmer Tech and representing their million dollar donation- and the woman who seemed to be on the Board of every single charity group had come along and asked incredibly inappropriate questions for a good ten minutes, her dog lapping up champagne out of the same glass the woman was loudly slurping from.

That had been a great night. Her, Thea and Laurel had spent hours shopping for the dress she wore that night- an emerald green silk charmeuse that was off the shoulders with a bit of a cowl in the front and a low back almost to her waist. The dress was a mermaid style that hugged her, but the fabric was light enough she could move and breathe easily. It was about two weeks before Oliver proposed and there had been a moment- one sweet second, in the limo on the way there that she actually thought he might be about to- and then their phones had both gone off with alerts from Thea and Alex on the new campaign polling numbers, while Curtis was trying to get in touch with her about an issue he was having on his latest attempts on one thing or another…

Even better that night, they hadn't stayed at the gala particularly long. They did the rounds of the room, Felicity was photographed with some children and the Board of the hospital (she had declined to speak at the event, far too many eyes on her for that level of hell). But when the dancing had begun and Oliver pulled her to him, his hand having almost complete access to her back, and him in his tux with the white dinner jacket that just made him look like he was Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca… it wasn't long before they pilfered a bottle of champagne from the bar and were sneaking out of the hotel ballroom and into the one of the only available rooms left (albeit, at an exorbitant rate) on the second highest floor of the building. Remembering everything that had happened next made a slight shiver go down Felicity's spine, followed by a pang of grief for that life.

Returning to the moment she looked up to see his eyes, pleading with her to just say yes. To just do this one thing- was it really such a terrible burden?

"Ok fine, we'll give it a try- one night, the gala. I'll be the perfect politician's wife, help you cement the election- we'll see how it goes." He broke out into the biggest smile she had seen on his face in forever, it was the same smile he had when she said she would marry him, at the tree lighting ceremony down by the Bay. And then she realized, oddly, she was smiling too- her heart was fluttering and she felt nervous all of a sudden, but also giddy. This was ridiculous, she had said yes to one night of this, that was all- it didn't mean she had changed her mind at all about anything else. But somewhere in the back of her mind it was like she could hear Curtis' voice, "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that."


	4. Princess Flissa

"Lyla, I'm really starting to question this dress choice- I think it might be too much. I mean, I still haven't even really started to look for a new job, and my severance from Palmer Tech was great, but I should be donating that money to the rebuilding or starting a company or putting money in my retirement- not spending two months of rent on couture." Not even a red silk Cristian Siriano gown with one shoulder and a deep front slit that came up about ⅔ of the way up her thigh, revealing delicate, sheer, creamy orange silk that whispered against her leg when she moved, an effect that mesmerized her whenever she caught a look at herself in the mirror.

"Felicity, we've had this talk multiple times already- the only thing you have that would be even remotely right for tonight is that green dress that you said you absolutely would not wear! Besides, you never do anything to treat yourself- no amazing tropical vacations or sporty cars… you rarely do anything that isn't here or at the Lair. You deserve this. Now come on out so I can see the whole look!" After a last look in the bathroom mirror Felicity walked out to her audience of two.

Lyla brought her hands to her lips, just smiling and taking it in. Two year-old Sarah was sitting in her lap- with her mouth completely agape before tugging on her mom's sleeve to ask- "Mama, Mama, is Flissa a princess?"

All Lyla could do was nod and say, "She is tonight Sarah, definitely tonight."

"But where is her crown?" This was clearly going to give the toddler something to chew on- after all, Aunt Flissa LOOKED like a princess, but how can you be a princess without a crown?

Felicity leaned down and whispered to her, "I lost mine, munchkin- next time you come over, will you help me make a new one?" Eyes wide with the honor of helping to design the crown of the most beautiful princess in the world, Sarah nodded enthusiastically and then threw her arms around her aunt, giving her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Well, Princess Felicity, I think I need to get this girl home and to bed- I'm supposed to skype with John tonight and I wouldn't mind if she was asleep before it began." As Lyla spoke she disentangled Sarah from Felicity, allowing the aunt to go and make sure her makeup hadn't been marred by the affectionate toddler.

"Thank you so much for your help tonight, Lyla… and the support." She was getting visibly nervous now that she was had to deal with the reality of the evening- the very Dali-esque reality of her situation at the moment. They walked down the stairs and Felicity's breathing got a little off and she kept looking over at the clock and the door.

Lyla leaned in to hug her, holding her tight to try and calm her. "Girl, don't think about anything but tonight. For tonight, you're Cinderella- go out and dance and enjoy spending an evening with your Prince Charming. Drink some champagne, dance until your feet can't handle it, laugh and just have fun- you've always had a good time when you're with Oliver, for one night, don't over-complicate it with what-ifs and could bes and all of that nonsense."

"Yeah, well-"

"You know, Felicity, for what it's worth, Oliver messed up- no question. And it was big. But guess what? People do that. Maybe his default is to handle things on his own and keep people out of things. BUT we, of all people, know that people can change- and for my money? I'd rather have a man who is willing to try with every fiber of his being to be what I need and want, and tries to deal with it if he falls short. Even if, in my case, that means that for the moment I'm a single mother with a husband in Afghanistan doing who knows what for who knows how long?" She tucked a curl back behind Felicity's ear and then grabbed her purse from the rack by the door. "But at the end of the day, it's nice to have someone who makes you feel so flustered and breathless and weak in the knees- isn't it?" She picked up Sarah and winked at Felicity before they both waved bye and she shut the door.

Felicity looked up at the clock again- damn Lyla's military efficiency, she had at least ten minutes before Oliver was supposed to show up- punctuality only being a quality of his when it was literally a matter of life and death- although, ultimately, wasn't that when it really counted?

Maybe what she needed was a drink. She moved over to the bar in the dining area and found a damn decent Barolo that Oliver had brought her the last time he came by. She searched the cupboards and the drawers in her kitchen trying to find a corkscrew- they really did need to invent an app for opening wine, she could never seem to find the damn- ah ha- there it was!

Ugh, she hated these thick foil caps on fancy wines, they were so damn difficult to cut through! Feeling impatient, she was about to stab right through instead of cutting the foil off, exactly at the same moment Oliver knocked. "Oh for the love of-" The knock caused the knife thing on the wine key to slip, just as the foil sliced across her index finger. "Damn, damn, damn!" She grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around her finger- for damn sure she wasn't going to get bloodstains on this gown. "Coming- just- one sec… I-" Dammit that hurt.

On the other side of the thick door, Oliver was nervous- far more so than he had been on their first date, or the dinner he made when he was going to propose- or even the night he did propose. But the somewhat scattered sound of her heels clacking on the floors on the other side of the door- the frantic, almost perpetually surprised voice of a Felicity who had been caught off guard- it was oddly reassuring. He knew her well enough, she had probably been ready for the last ½ hour, but then got caught up running some kind of search for something or arguing on some hacker forum about a new encryption protocol. He smiled and shook his head, was it any wonder that he was so insanely in love with this woman?

A few more clicks on the floor- coming closer, then the door opened and she was just standing there and Oliver Queen forgot how to breathe. She stood there, her hair in big, loose curls that had been swept up on her head and slightly to the side- framing the strong but also delicate features of her perfect face- her eyes shining, her lips a perfect cherry red that he couldn't help thinking about biting. As she moved towards him her dress showed its surprise slit- which for a second he worried was literally going to go all the way up to her hip bone which could very possibly kill him, but then he just enjoyed the reminder that damn did she have an epic pair of legs!

"Oliver? Hello? You're just sort of… standing there."

"You look… Felicity, wow. You are so beautiful." It was so sincere and serious- he wasn't smiling, but he was looking at her with the same eyes he had used when he saw her walk down the non-aisle in their all-too real fake wedding. She blushed just a little bit, his gaze was intense, smoldering was probably the only real way to describe it- it was unsettling but also felt so good to know that she still could have this kind of effect on him.

"Oh. Well, you're looking awfully Sinatra-like yourself tonight- baby blues and all." She smiled at him, taking a moment to look him up and down, man was he wearing that tux! It wasn't until she tried to lean on the frame of the door that she was reminded of her rather thick and not at all attractively accessorized finger. "Oh- that's right. Umm, why don't you come in? I have to take care of a slight battle wound." She was moving back to the kitchen, calling out commentary over her shoulder, absent-mindedly waving her finger at him as explanation.

"Are you sure you're fine? What happened?" He looked past her at the island in the kitchen and her dangerous opponent and then he saw it, smiling. "Oh, I see- a bottle of wine? It must be Old World if you had this much trouble." It was hardly the first battle for this war she had fought and lost- and the evidence of the mangled foil/cork/wine key incident. "Well, it looks as though it was a mighty battle, fought by the bravest of hearts."

"Hey, this is why these fancy pants wine makers need to get over their pretension and snobbery and completely switch to screw caps! You damn European wine jerks make the foil so fracking hard to get off these days that it's impossible to cut through them!"

"You just have to have a little patience and a tiny bit of finesse." He walked over and with a quick flick of the wrist the top of the foil had been shaved off, one more and the screw was in, two more and there was the satisfying pop of the cork. "Et voila."

"My God, were you BORN doing that? You make it look like the wine key is just some sort of extension of you!" She was smiling at him, flirting with him, teasing him- it just hit him all over again how much he missed this- the easy banter and joking, her teasing and her smile- especially her smile- with those lips of hers- those perfectly gorgeous, cherry red and plump lips…

 _Shake it off man, keep focused._ Before pouring he looked at the bottle and noticed what it was. "Felicity, this is a 2007 Barolo- you can't just go bottle to glass and chug it. This is a special wine- this wine is velvet and silk at the same time, warm and inviting yet bold and powerful- this is a wine to savor, to relish, to experience completely." He was moving towards her, looking her in the eyes- neither of them at all sure he was talking about wine at the moment. But oddly enough, for the first time in months she didn't pull away or shrink from his advancing figure- she smiled back at him as he took one step closer and leaned in towards her, reaching past her to grab the first aid kit they had always kept above the fridge.

She moved to pour herself a small glass of the wine, wondering if she'd be able to pick out any of those qualities he had just described- she actually had a pretty good palate, at least to find things like oak, vanilla and tannins- power and warmth were slightly harder to identify. She took a sip and tilted her head, thinking.

"Huh, I remember it tasting better last time." He had her hand now and was cleaning off the long but shallow cut before bandaging it- it had been a while since he'd touched her even this intimately, been this close to her, breathed her in- his heart was racing and he didn't want to let go of her hand.

"Well, if you let it breathe for another, say, 58 minutes, I think it would be much closer to what you remembered enjoying last Thanksgiving." Giving into a silly impulse he pulled her injured finger to his lips and softly kissed it. "There you go, according to Sarah that should make it all better." He still didn't release her hand, but she didn't pull it away either, and they looked at each other for a minute in a way that was… not new, it was old. It was actually very old, they used to look at each other like this all the time- like they weren't sure if they should even bother to go out or just stay in and devour each other right here on the kitchen floor.

Felicity spoke first, which was good, as almost none of Oliver's blood supply was coursing towards his brain at the moment.

"Well, maybe if I decant it now, you can enjoy a glass with me when we get back? What do you say?" Was she actually inviting him up, in advance? What did that mean? He stood there and smiled and was about to respond when she started to bite her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous, or just thinking really hard about something.

"I'd like that, Felicity, I really would. But, in the interest of honesty and transparency, if we're going to leave at all for this thing, I'm going to need you to stop biting your lip and looking at me like that- try to remember, I'm only human." He smiled at her- she knew he was teasing again- well, mostly teasing. But she was also somewhat distracted by how good he looked in that tux with the tie undone, the jacket off, suspenders down and the top button undone so she could nibble on that spot just at his collarbone that almost invariably lead to-

"Felicity? Are you ready?" His arm was out, waiting for her to take it. She grabbed her purse- cell phone, lipstick, wireless transmitter- just in case, and took his arm, smiling and letting him walk her out to his car. Maybe Lyla was right, perhaps tonight she needed to stop worrying and wondering and thinking about everything that happened and just… just be; be here, in the moment, with the man she loved- because man, did she love this man.


	5. La Vie en Rose

They pulled into the parking lot for the land that would be the Memorial Park dedicated to the victims of Genesis and Damien Darhk. As she looked out over the partially cleared, grassy field that would become the center of the park when it was done, she was blown away by what she was seeing.

Just about everything was white- a white dance floor, sheer white silk draped all around, white bistro and twinkle lights strung up on everything, defining the party space, lighting the way to the tents and around the dance floor. The tents were completely clear, but the tops were draped with more silk in some kind of beautiful, modern artsy way so they emphasized the ethereal theme of the evening, but you could also still look up and see the Milky Way from inside.

There was an orchestra playing on the far side of the dance floor and waiters in tuxes bearing trays of champagne and martini glasses with a milky looking creme de violette drink- with candied violets resting on top of them and a shimmering, silvery sugar rim.

Felicity was suddenly VERY grateful she hadn't gone with the white ball gown she had tried on and liked before finding this one. Especially because on the ride over Oliver had had a tough time keeping his eyes on the road and NOT on the top of her thigh that was exposed by the slit in her dress. Over the last few months he had looked at her like a sad puppy dog, he had looked at her with frustration, with jealousy, even with anger… but she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him look at her with such raw, naked hunger like he had been since the apartment. Just thinking about it now sent a delicious shiver down her spine.

"Are you cold? Do you need my jacket?" Oliver, always concerned, always solicitous, was about ready to shrug out of his jacket before they even got to the _Ledger's_ photographers.

"No, oh no, not at all, just… someone walking on my grave I guess." There, that should kill the mood well enough. But, just to be safe, Oliver pulled her closer to him, wrapping his one arm around her waist, tight- he was nothing if not thorough. "Can't have you catching cold now." As he pulled her in she felt something hard in his jacket pocket.

"Uh, Oliver? That's a little high up for me to make any kind of cliche innuendo…"

"Oh, damn it, I almost forgot." He stopped her, pulling her around to face him. From his pocket he pulled out a velvet jewelry box and she felt her heart pick up. _Oh please, don't let it be that damn diamond again- I can't take having to give back that ring one more time- is it just haunting me at this point?_

"I figured that since we're _married_ , at least for tonight, you are going to need a ring." Before she was able to make some kind of protest, he opened the blue box to reveal NOT the ring that had belonged to his mother when she was married to Robert Queen, but a medium-sized teardrop-shaped emerald surrounded by a cluster of diamonds.

"Oliver-" What kind of explanation could he possibly have for this? He didn't have this kind of money for jewelry like this, especially not for a politically opportunistic sham marriage.

"I didn't want to give you Mom's ring tonight- I'm not doing that until it's for real." He looked away from her, his eyes tearing up slightly. "But this… I had this made a while back, from a necklace that belonged to my grandmother." Now he was smiling slightly, remembering him asking Thea if she was ok with his plan- technically all the jewels had gone to her after their mom's death- except the engagement ring. "Thea always said it was absolutely hideous- in fairness, in its original setting it kind of was." His fingers started to nervously comb through his hair before he remembered he was about to be photographed by at least four different papers and probably a few online gossip sites. "I was going to- well, I was going to give it to you on our wedding day- just a reminder that you'd always have the protection- and devotion- of the Green Arrow." She stared at the ring in the box, caught completely off guard by both the item and the sentiment.

"It's beautiful, Oliver, really, it is." And with that, he took her hand and slid the ring on her, not able to look away from her face as he did so. Her eyes were now the ones filled with tears and she was even more confused than ever. How could this man, this wonderful, amazing, devoted and passionate man, have hurt her so badly? It just seemed so… incongruous.

This was the man who had time and again risked his life for her safety- multiple times he had literally been willing to trade his for her's. She missed Team Arrow in Ivy Town, so he moved back. She was put in a wheelchair, never expecting to walk again, and he hadn't blinked- he had carried her up and down stairs, helped her to the bathroom and to the shower, he had relentlessly pursued any cure, any treatment for her- there was nothing he hadn't done for her or been willing to do for her. And _one_ thing happened. One _major_ thing happened, sure, he fucked up in a big way. But maybe she had too. In the hospital she had tried to let him off the hook, "For better or worse doesn't really apply yet." And he just held her hand to make her understand that it did- for him.

And she hadn't given him even a fraction of the same in return.

Back in the moment, she looked at Oliver. "Seriously. I would have been very proud to wear this-" The tears were getting to be a bit much and they hadn't come across a single photographer yet- she absolutely could _not_ cry right now. She had to stop thinking about this. _Come on Smoak, think corgi puppies, dancing penguins…_ Oliver took advantage of her confusion and leaned in to kiss her softly but thoroughly- and while still holding her face in between his hands he whispered "I love you, Felicity. Never, ever doubt how fiercely or completely." And with that they were interrupted by the first cluster of photographers and reporters and it was time for her to put on her game face- _oh man, please don't let my face show in these photos when they come out._

The "newlyweds" made it through the welcome tent and past about 20 photographers, constantly calling out best wishes and congratulations on their wedding, asking if they were still in the honeymoon phase, how was life different as a married couple, etc. Oliver and Felicity just kept smiles permanently pasted on their faces, occasionally he'd pull her in for a big, showy kiss- kisses that even she had a hard time remembering wasn't real.

Once they made it through the gauntlet of "journalists" and photographers, Felicity noticed that Oliver was looking around, nervously searching for someone. Within minutes they had already said hello to the interim Police Commissioner, the heads of a few different major corporations based out of Starling City, some of the "Old Guard" (read: old money), and a few other various local dignitaries- the heads of Wolfman Biologies and Kaplan IT, the Vanderhoof generations of old, older and "How are they still alive"?

Pulling on his arm she whispered in his ear, "Hey, Arrow, you want to let me in on the secret? What's about to go down? Are we infiltrating a group of supervillains? Pulling off a bank heist? Oooh, can I be Bonnie to your Clyde?" She reached for her evening bag and the one wireless transmitter she had thought to bring- was she getting sloppy? Should she have known tonight was an elaborate setup for being undercover?

Oliver smiled in response. "No- it's not… it's nothing like that- put whatever gadget you brought with you- this is not an elaborate set-up. I was just looking for the planner of the-" At that moment a speeding blob came hurtling towards them and Felicity tensed up, in case she was going to be needed to kick some ass. She had almost crouched into a fighting stance before she noticed that the hurtling thing was wearing silver sequins- a bit flashy for a master villain or one of his goons. That's when Felicity registered the short, dark hair, petite frame and an unbelievable pair of Louboutins on her feet. Not to mention, Oliver was holding on to his little sister like he'd never let her go.

"Thea?" The little pixie (who would kick Felicity's ass if she called her a pixie to her face) pulled slightly away from the big brother who towered over her. Not for the first time Felicity was wondering how such a tiny little thing could be so powerful and have successfully kicked Oliver's ass at least three times that she knew of. Felicity would give just about anything to have only a fraction of her skills and power!

"Hey Felicity!" Thea moved in for a hug but stopped abruptly- "Holy shit, you look amazing! I mean, Ollie told me you were coming, but I had no idea that you were BRINGING IT!" Thea burst out laughing and it was absolutely infectious, Felicity couldn't help but join in. The girl was bubbly and giddy and… where was the dark, angst-ridden and emotionally volatile Speedy that Felicity was so used to the last few years? She had gotten killer blond and red highlights in her dark bob, a dress that showed all but about 30% of her body due to strategically placed silver and ice blue sequins and embroidery, and a dazzling smile. Felicity noticed Oliver was taking in the same information and looked at her- wondering if she knew what was going on. She shook her head slightly and then hugged the girl again herself.

"What about you? Holy crap, you're stunning! Where have you been? What have you been up to? What are you doing here?" Thea tilted her chin away from Felicity, but not entirely towards Oliver- she was smiling, and coy as only Thea knew how to be.

"Oh, you know, here and there… what do you think of the Gala?" Felicity looked around, taking it all again one more time. A waiter passed by right then, offering a tray with pre-mixed signature cocktails, tiny toasts with caviar and a few other items that smelled so good she probably wouldn't have cared what they actually were before eating every one of them.

"Its stunning! Not to mention, I've only been here 5 minutes and I'm being offered more than red wine or white wine- varietal undetermined- I hate that at events, have an imagination- or at least a decent understanding of how to serve wine. And over there, instead of some precious kind of baby animal in a cute little chop, they have shooters of soup and a tiny wedge of grilled cheese sandwich! But like in a shot glass! I could eat 30 of them, easy… in fact, I think I see my future husband over there with a tray that has shrimp the size of my fist!" She kissed Thea on the cheek and squeezed Oliver's arm and went off in search of the world's largest prawn- as quickly as her heels would let her.

Oliver pulled his sister in for one more hug before looking around at the event.

"Speedy, this is amazing. I mean, just, wow. I can't believe you did all of this!" Thea was practically glowing from the praise, extra sweet because she knew it wasn't just her brother's adulation, it was a really great event she had put together. She was looking around with a proprietary air, running over everything in the vicinity, making sure it was going precisely as she had planned- finely orchestrated like a Swiss watch- but a really fancy, sparkling one.

"Well, you know, after being a failed debutante, running a nightclub, managing a Mayoral campaign, facing the League of Assassins and handling my own evil villain father, event planning just seemed like the logical next step. I guess I learned a lot more from all of those dinners and parties Mom threw than I ever knew... you know, the ones I was usually trying to sneak out of or into- depending on how easy it was to get at the booze." Oliver laughed at that, nodding.

"Yeah, I think I remember that way of life… Man, we were quite the precocious little aspiring criminals back in the day, weren't we? God, what a handful we must have been for mom and dad. Then again- wow, you she would be so proud of you right now- this is amazing, really. I'm so glad you agreed to take the job- I just, I really can't imagine a more perfect setting."

"You mean for the Gala… or for trying to win back Felicity?" They both looked over at Felicity, speaking to the waiter who's tray of shrimp she had virtually cleaned out. "She looks incredible, Ollie. Seriously. I mean, that dress… well, it's probably torture for you- how are you holding up?" Oliver groaned inward, what was it about little sisters that made them equally obnoxious and oh-so perceptive?

"I told you- tonight is, for all intents and purpose, just business."

"Yeah, because tons of women dress like that when it's _just_ business."

"Oh come on, for all I know, that's been burning a hole in her closet for years and she needed an excuse to wear it."

"Not a chance Oliver." From behind them Oliver heard a voice much deeper than his sister's, but also familiar- and it made him feel oddly jealous and possessive. He turned around to face-

"Ray? Ray Palmer. How are you doing?" He held out his hand for a shake, which Ray met a little fast, and rather aggressively. "I didn't realize you were- officially back from the dead!"

"Oliver Queen- good to see you again. And with Felicity! Good for you. I hope you're both very happy." Why did that statement rub him the wrong way? It seemed sincere- but there was something... off. "And yes, I thought coming out to support this project was just about the right time to rejoin the living. And when Thea came to me for some help backing her ambitious but brilliant ideas… well, I didn't have much choice anymore, did I?" And that's when he put his arm was around Thea and was smiling in a pretty goofy way at her- and she seemed to be beaming back at him in a way that made Oliver distinctly uncomfortable.

"He's been so helpful in planning tonight's event! And helping me find studio space for my Event Design firm, and, well, just in a million ways!" At that point she lowered her voice conspiratorially- "And don't worry, he knows the deal with you and Felicity and he's actually kind of shipping it for you two." Shipping it? What the hell did that even mean?

"Yeah, for the record, Oliver, despite everything in the past… I'm on your side. Not that it seems to matter, I mean, she is wearing couture after all." Ray and Thea shared a meaningful look at that one and laughed at their personal little inside joke while he just stared at them from the outside. _What was happening?_

"Well, thanks- Ray. I appreciate that, although I'm not really sure what her dress has to do with it." How much had Ray had to drink tonight? He seemed totally steady on his feet, perfectly in control.

"Let's just say, a certain someone once told me, with absolutely zero irony, there's NOTHING platonic about couture." With that he whispered something in Thea's ear, something that made her blush and smile in a way that made Oliver feel completely conflicted between wanting to punch the man, and wanting to hug him- it had been a long time since he'd seen Thea quite so bubbly and smiley and- well, happy. She leaned in and asked, "Ray, would you mind going and grabbing me a glass of champagne? I've been working hard, I deserve at least one drink tonight." He kissed her quickly once and then walked off to do her bidding, seemingly happy about it- but maybe he just wanted to give brother and sister a minute to air it out.

"So- Ray Palmer. Interesting choice, dating a dead man." She flinched at that one- one ex, the presumed love of her life had faked his own death to save the Arrow's identity while the next guy, Alex, had actually been brainwashed into kidnapping her- admittedly for her own safety in case Dahrk was successful in ending the world, then died during the Genesis Project, right in front of Thea as she tried to protect him. If this guy could keep her happy, why should Oliver care if he was technically dead or alive? Or that he was the only other significant threat for Felicity he had ever felt? He sighed "I'm sorry Thea, that was a dick thing to say."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner Ollie, but- well, it's still really new. I mean it, it's only been about two weeks. He's managed to keep it under wraps that he's heading back to Palmer Tech soon, but I submitted for some jobs they had open designing corporate events. When I went in to discuss my ideas, he saw me and crashed one of the meetings and… I don't know. It's just been nice. He isn't complicated or broody or have a superhero/super guilt complex- he's just incredibly smart and funny and he already knows my secret so I don't have to worry- we can just… be. It's freakishly normal and so fucking weird- but I'm happy with it."

"I'm sorry Thea, I'm an ass. You do seem really good- whether it's the new business, the man, or the general change of scenery- maybe it's just getting outside during daylight hours more regularly. But you just are so much more… I don't know-"

"Mature? Sophisticated?"

"Happy." They smiled at each other, her arm around his waist.

"I am Ollie. I really am. I mean, I'm not saying he's THE one- but he's pretty great, and for more than just an amazing body and those arms of his…" He groaned, loudly. Despite of, or maybe because of his fairly checkered and unsavory past, he'd never be able to have the kind of sibling relationship where she could say anything to even suggest she ever…

"Oh come on, why would you do that? Why are you trying to kill your big brother like that?"

"Oh come on, I already had to hear about couture NOT being platonic."

"Yeah, what was that about? Are you sure he isn't actually kind of…."

"Shut up, before I have to reassure you of how incredibly straight he actually is." Wow, Oliver was going to have to go to therapy or start taking psychotropic drugs in the very near future if she kept this up. Holding his hands up to his ears, telling her to shut the hell up but they were both smiling. He took his hands away from his head so she could tell him the story.

"Actually, if you really want to know- apparently, when Felicity worked for Ray- when he was "alive"' (was it weird that they lived in a world in which words like alive could be put in finger quotes?) "He needed her to come to some super important business dinner so he asked her and bought her some Herve Leger dress." She noticed the total lack of comprehension on his face and rolled her eyes. "Herve Leger is a VERY important, super expensive and incredibly sexy designer. Well, Felicity ultimately agreed to go, JUST so that she could wear the dress, but apparently, when he tried to stress that it was a 'platonic' thing, her comment was something like "There's nothing platonic about couture."

"Wait, was the dress blue? Like a bright blue and particularly tight and just past the knees?"

"Umm, I have NO idea about the color or the length, but that SOUNDS like an Herve Leger dress so… maybe. Why?"

"Don't worry about it." Oliver could still feel the sting at the memory of that night- finally deciding to just go and talk to her about his feelings, rushing to her office so he wouldn't lose his nerve- and then finding Felicity, (looking more spectacular than any model or beauty queen he had ever "dated") in the arms of Ray.

Thea was checking in with a waiter on when they would be pulsing out the next round of canapes and Oliver took the chance to look at Felicity. She was still binge eating shrimp, while charming not only the waiter holding the tray but the small group of male admirers who had flocked towards her when she was not standing immediately next to Oliver. In the moonlight, with all the soft lights strung about that gave her already porcelain skin take on an almost pearlessence and he heard her laugh from 20 feet away... his heart picked up again.

But then one of the guys moved in a bit too close, trying to grab her elbow and whisper something in her ear. Oliver vaguely remembered the guy from his prep school days- they hadn't exactly been friends, but he was pretty sure they'd partied together a few times- he didn't seem to have changed a bit. What was his name? It was definitely something kind of Harlequin romance-y, Storm? Gray- something… Grayson, that was it. Felicity was laughing at something he said, but he knew that laugh- that was her corporate CEO, "Good God this is Hell but I know I have to be nice to you" laugh. She looked over and caught him looking their way, instantly shooting her "rescue me!" look.

He touched Thea's arm as she continued her discussion with the waiter and nodded towards Felicity. Thea was busy working and trying to explain why dirty glasses should NEVER be on a tray with fresh drinks and shooed him away.

"Grayson, so good to see you here tonight- I'm thrilled you could join us! I can see that you met my lovely wife, Felicity Smoak." He shook the man's hand and put a proprietary arm around Felicity, pulling her into him as closely as possible. Even if it was all pretend and just for one night, he was going to get the message across to as many of the men here that Felicity Smoak was off-limits.

"Yes, Grayson here was just telling me all about his recent vacation in Macao."

"I see."

"Have you been there? Man, you have to go- you wouldn't believe the nightlife! It makes Monaco look like the Queen's Tea Party."

Felicity was obviously struggling to keep the smile pasted on her face and pretend to be interested in what he was saying- which he appreciated, Grayson's family were surprisingly large donors to the Memorial Gardens project and they owned the biggest construction and development company in the area- many of his plans for rebuilding the city hinged on whatever deals he could negotiate with them.

"I spent a little time there a while back, but I didn't have much time to check out the scene- you'll have to fill me in sometime- we'll meet up for some 21 year single malt?" He may have to suck up to this douchebag, but Felicity didn't need to hear anything about his various drunken and drug-fueled exploits with cocktail waitresses- for a married man with three kids, he wasn't particularly circumspect about his travels. "But for right now, I'm sorry, Grayson, I'm afraid I was coming by to steal my beautiful wife from you for a dance- you know how it is- still newlyweds."

"Oh sure, been there. I gotcha. Nice." Did the guy just wink at him? What exactly did he think Oliver was going to do to Felicity on the dance floor?

Oliver and Grayson shook hands again and Oliver quickly moved Felicity away- although Felicity had to stop and grab a plate from the tray of dumplings that was passing by- apparently they were "like crack". "Wow. That was a thoroughly unlikeable guy- and you know me, I usually like just about everyone! I swear to god, I should hack every device he has and bombard him with just a ton of gay porn. You know, at one point, I seriously thought he was going to try and grab my ass, right there, in front of the entire party!"

Oliver leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Well, it would be tough to blame him for wanting to, your ass DOES look incredible in that dress." For just a second he briefly and subtly grazed it with his hand, lingering ever so slightly just below the slit's end, leaving the skin of her thigh on fire. But as suddenly as that moment happened, it was over- they were at the dance floor and he pulled her in for a dance as he admitted, "but it's probably just as well he didn't actually try anything; last think my campaign needs is a photo of me beating the hell out of one of Star City's favorite sons."

Trying to regain SOME semblance of composure, despite now having both of his hands on her and having been pulled much closer to him than was strictly necessary to quickstep, Felicity searched for a safer topic.

"Why didn't you tell me Thea planned this whole thing?" Felicity wasn't much of a dancer- she could generally stay upright and on beat, but Oliver, having been raised in a world of cotillions and Galas and black tie Christmas parties, he was a confident and sure lead, it had always felt so nice to be taken for a spin on the floor with him. He made dancing seem so athletic and manly, while maintaining the same level of grace and agility that he brought to his various fighting styles as The Arrow.

"I don't know, she's just starting to find herself, figure out what she wants to do and learning about normal, non-Vigilante or Criminal Mastermind career options. Although she's been brilliant at everything she's done, she doesn't necessarily have a high opinion of her brains or talents. She knows she wants to make a difference- but she also knows she has my mother's talent for throwing an event, bringing people together and making moments happen- and if she can occasionally do something like tonight, raising money for a charity she feels so strongly tied to… well, we'll just have to wait and see how it goes. And thanks to Malcolm's money- him still being "dead" and all, she was able to do most of this for cost- including a particularly generous donation in the memory of Rebecca Merlyn."

"Well why didn't SHE tell me then? We used to be so close, we got fitted for bras together! But she opens a whole new business and says nothing?" Oliver shrugged at that one- the momentary flash of thought about Felicity's bras being completely eroded by the idea of his sister in one.

"I think she still thinks it's frivolous. We all know that she could literally do anything- she's taken on the League of Assassins, got me elected Mayor AND made Verdant turn a profit within 70 days of re-opening at the age of 18! She's maybe a million times more brilliant than ANY of the Queens has ever been- if Queen Consolidated had been left to her it probably wouldn't be Palmer Tech today." At that point Oliver grimaced a bit, not entirely sure how to approach the next talking point.

"Speaking of Palmer Tech, you should probably know that she's here with someone tonight."

Felicity's eyebrows arched at that, hiding a smile- she knew how difficult it could be for Oliver's big brother instincts to handle Thea dating someone- and the better the guy and the more he liked him, the harder it was for Oliver- he just wasn't ever really going to be on board with having grown up- ever. He was definitely not loving this conversation, which in itself was intriguing.

"Really? That rat! How could she not have told me any of this? New company, new hairstyle, new guy!" Seeing the hesitation in Oliver's face she had to stop hiding the smile. "Wow, it must be some guy if you're so nervous about him- is it anyone I would know?" She was looking about, trying to find someone she might recognize… someone tall, dark and handsome who liked brilliant, highly ambitious but quirky women.

"Well, that's the thing- it IS actually someone you know."

"Really?"

"Well, coincidentally, cosmically hilariously ironic as it is, it's Ray." Felicity looked blankly- who on earth was… Wait- what? No. Not seriously. She was shaking her head.

"Ray? Ray Palmer? You mean my Ray?" Her eyes got wide there, she looked mortified for saying out loud what was supposed to be- well, not out loud. "I mean, it's not that he's MY Ray, he isn't, he hasn't been, not in a long time- we broke up. For you- actually. And then he was dead." Realizing how incredibly stupid she sounded, waving him off. "But you know that, you were there." All Oliver could do was nod and smile at her- desperately trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, I remember. I WAS there for it." He LOVED it when she did this- vocally spinning out into complete chaos in front of him- he'd never get tired of the way that she processed things out loud and incompletely- voicing the obvious and then being so annoyed with herself and turning bright pink with embarrassment, just like we was right now.

"Relax Felicity. Breathe." He leaned in and kissed her, softly, tenderly, no urgency, no sense that there was ever going to be a reason to leave this dance floor, leave his embrace, ever. The temptation to just melt into it was too great, she was kissing him back and swaying to the music, just being there, with him, tonight. There foreheads came to rest on each other- any outsider would easily be made to believe these were two newlyweds in the honeymoon stage of marriage.

The song they had been dancing to- music that was much too fast for the way that they were now swaying, ended and they both heard the opening strains of a violin; memories came crashing around both of them, taking them back to the days after the ordeal with the League of Assassins, when they literally rode off into the sunset- when they were so happy and in love and only wanted each other.

They had been slowly making their way through Europe- not surprisingly Oliver had no desire to go anywhere near Russia, China or the Middle East- but there was so much to see and he hadn't been through Europe, with the exceptions of Ibiza and Monaco, since he and Tommy had partied their way across the continent right after high school.

Felicity and Oliver had been through all the distilleries of Scotland, had hiked through the Alps, pausing sometimes 3 or 4 times a day to make love in the wide open fields. They went to Paris, Milan, Madrid- in Nice and Monaco Felicity taught him the fine points of poker, baccarat and roulette- winning such a tidy sum that they had been comped the penthouse suite in the Ritz Carlton- a room that was most thoroughly enjoyed by both of them for the three nights they stayed. But the nights they spent in Lyon- well, Dijon to be precise- were some of the best of the trip.

The second night in Dijon, she and Oliver had been walking through the the square, looking at the incredible architecture surrounding them, all the more romantic for the lavender and climbing ivy that seemed alive in the stones and brick of the buildings around them. They were just coming from dinner, drunk on two bottles of incredible wine and a local brandy that Oliver declared better than any cognac he had ever tasted. The sun was mostly set- the last few streaks of sunlight painting a bright orange fire through the sky, gracefully giving way to the twilight stars and an almost full moon. In the square they passed a violinist playing for change and Oliver had suddenly pulled her to him, almost too tightly to be comfortable, and they had waltzed in the square- it was that kind of picturesque scene that couldn't possibly happen in real life, it was LITERALLY the stuff Hollywood dreamed of- she was Audrey Hepburn and he was Humphrey Bogart and life was perfect.

She was so happy, life was literally so perfect that she had teared up, never wanting the moment to end.

But Felicity was brought back to the present when Oliver, in an almost shocking twist, was singing along under his breath. Maybe he wasn't exactly a vocalist in the making, but that hardly mattered in the moment- as he held her just slightly tighter, whispering in her ear. She closed her eyes and was right there, back in the square in Dijon, the scent of flowers, wine and dusk.  
Hold me close and hold me fast/The magic spell you cast/This is la vie en rose  
When you kiss me heaven sighs/And though I close my eyes/I see la vie en rose  
When you press me to your heart/I'm in a world apart/A world where roses bloom  
And when you speak/Angels sing from above  
Everyday words seems/To turn into love song  
Give your heart and soul to me/And life will always be la vie en rose

She couldn't help herself, tears were pooling in her eyes, but she wasn't feeling any kind of panic or dread about the fact that at some point, she was going to have to wake up and come back to real life and move on.

The fact of the matter was, she was happy. She was so much happier than she had been in such a long time.

Oh fucking hell.


	6. Difficult Conversations

The Gala had been amazing- Felicity had surprised and charmed everyone there and Oliver had managed to shake more hands in one night than in the last two months- this might be a crowd particularly biased in his favor, but he was currently feeling very good about his chances in six weeks.

But more importantly than his electoral chances, the evening with Felicity had been, in all honesty, one of the best nights in his entire life. They had danced and drank champagne, they had talked and laughed with Thea and Ray with only minimal residual weirdness, (although he wasn't particularly thrilled with how handsy those two seemed to be… come on, this was his baby sister, man- a little restraint in public would be nice). Felicity actually seemed really happy to see them together- she wasn't totally convinced they were the love match of the century, but she enjoyed seeing two brilliant, beautiful people she cared so much about make each other happy. Despite the 50 different ways it could have been weird, Felicity just honestly wanted people she loved to be happy- because that was who Felicity is- once someone gained her love, it was theirs.

Unless they fucked up. Badly. Like hid a love child from her.

Even now, in his most honest moments, he still didn't know what he SHOULD have done. On the one hand, he could have told her, he could have hoped that Samantha would never find out he told her, but he faced the possibility of the mother of his son losing trust in him so badly that she wouldn't let him near his son. Given the choice between Felicity and his son, with the possibility, or even probability, of losing the one he didn't choose- what WAS the right answer?

And sure, they could have hired a million lawyers to fight for custody- but it was hard to believe that his part-time gig as a Vigilante would stay secret in the big-time custody suit that would play out, at least to some extent, in the tabloids.

He and Thea had talked through it a million times in the last six months. She had her own anger issues at being kept away from spoiling her nephew rotten, and while she admitted that maybe he had no good choices, and maybe trying to be in William's life and hoping Samantha would come around and let him tell people- maybe even tell William, maybe that had been the right thing to do- it was his son. If the last five years had taught him anything it was that parents will go to some pretty dark places and bargain a great deal more for their child.

But when it was out there, and Felicity _did_ know- he didn't bring her in. He didn't include her, he didn't talk to her, he didn't even confide in her ONCE what he was thinking or feeling or what he was going to do about keeping them safe. Thea had a lot to say on that particular point- as had Dig, Lyla, Barry- even Captain Lance. The only person who he hadn't confirmed that with was, arguably, the only person who's thoughts on the topic mattered. And that was the next part of his plan.

The had danced and talked and teased and it had been amazing- every time he introduced her to someone as his wife his heart skipped a beat or two- he couldn't help but smile as he did so. And then they had danced under the stars to that song- their song, and he was holding her and smelling her and for the first time in such a long time, he felt like he was whole again.

She had a good time too- he could tell. Her smiles at him had been real, he just knew they were- she had laughed, she had made him laugh and by the end of the night she was holding on to his arm just as much as she ever had.

He got more and more nervous as they were closer to her apartment, and then up the elevator to the loft- where the Barolo had been decanted for the 3 ½ hours they had been gone- strictly speaking one hour would have been more than sufficient, but it never hurt to give it longer. She was still smiling and seemed perfectly in control and relaxed as she let him in the loft that had been theirs not so very long ago. She wasn't quite tipsy, just feeling the earliest stages of calm mixed with silliness that were stages 1 and 2 of a champagne buzz.

But not him- he was stone sober, he had plans- a mission. He had kept the drinking to a minimum earlier, because he needed to make sure he was _not_ drunk when he started this conversation. Felicity was moving about her house, kicking off her shoes removing her earrings and a few hairpins that apparently had been digging into her skull for the last four hours and going on about this and that from the party- hadn't the food been tasty, Thea's gown had been stunning, didn't he like how they had used the actual space for the fundraiser?

He was in the kitchen pouring the wine into two glasses as she opened the balcony and stepped outside- it was just too beautiful out there to be inside right now- she wasn't quite ready to let the magic of the evening go. He took off his jacket, folding it neatly over the back of a chair and picked up the two glasses, moving towards her quickly, but just as he crossed the threshold of the balcony he noticed she was softly humming- their song. He smiled, pausing, trying to capture a mental photograph in his head of her, exactly like this- she was perfect. _God, just let me start making everything up to her, please let tonight be a step forward._

"Well, Mrs. Interim-Mayor, the city thanks you for your service. And so do I. Here, try this now, I think you'll notice a big difference from earlier." He handed her a glass and they softly cheersed to each other, and she was actually still smiling at him, that was a very good sign. She took a sip and smiled-

"Ooooh, yes, this is MUCH closer to what I remember it was supposed to taste like. Thank you for making me have a little patience, totally worth it." Words for him to live by these days.

"It was a great event, didn't you think?" He asked her as she savored the wine, watching her stare at the moon somewhat dreamily. "Thea texted me and said early numbers show it made pretty close to its fundraising goal- and then suggested that Palmer Technology may just be making up the deficit, if there is one."

"I hate to imagine what she's going to do to earn that donation." Felicity looked back at him and winked- being an only child, it was so easy for her to tease him about things like that, she had no idea what it did to a sibling, but she loved the pained look on Oliver's face whenever she suggested his sister was anything other than a cloistered nun- it was so sweet how close they were.

"Why would you go there? That just isn't playing fair… you know, I could always make a comment about Captain Lance and a certain person's mother…"

"Oh please- I doubt you could ever say something SHE hasn't said to me." Then, re-thinking it, "But I wouldn't recommend you try- it's been a lovely night, I'd hate have to throw you over the balcony now."

"Fair enough." He smiled, moving a bit closer in to her, not wanting to rush anything or move too fast- he had a very specific topic to cover tonight, and he really thought a few more sips of this wine and a bit more of the view of the moon and the stars, the skyline of Star City… and of course, her- and he'd have the nerve to start it.

After a few minutes of quiet- quiet that wasn't even remotely awkward or harsh- right as he was playing over the right intro line, the right way to start the conversation, without turning towards him, she softly asked,

"If you had known 9 years ago about William, what would you have done?" This must be what it feels like to be struck suddenly by an arrow- out of nowhere you can't breathe, you can't think, you're just stuck, trying to process what is happening- had she finally figured out a way to hack into his brain? To be fair, that wasn't the EXACT conversation he had been hoping to have tonight, but it was much too close for his own peace of mind.

"What?"

Felicity stood up then, moving towards him, eyes locked on his. She didn't seem angry or anything, just honestly curious."I mean, if you had known you were having a son, if she hadn't told you she miscarried, if you had been able to be there, as a father- what would you have done?"

Oliver stood there, so honestly surprised by the question, he had no idea how to react. Was it a test she was giving him? Was there actually a right or a wrong answer- what could there possibly be to gain by going down this path? But he had made a promise to himself about tonight- nothing but open honesty. No evasions, no half-truths, no lies of omission.

"Honestly? I don't really know how to answer that. I would really love to say that I would have been supportive and done what I could to be there for her and for my son, that I would have suddenly morphed into some incredible man and father." He looked at her, watching her reaction- of which there was none yet. "But Oliver Queen before Lian Yu- that wasn't really his thing. THAT Oliver Queen was a giant jackass- spoiled, party boy, irresponsible and more than a little bit of a womanizer. It was all pretty much a game to me and there had yet to be a situation that couldn't be solved by throwing money at it. I mean, look at me back then- I'm MADLY in love with this amazing girl, Laurel, and yet I cheat on her- sadly, not for the first time, with a girl I JUST met and had no intention of ever speaking to again. Then, when I get her knocked up, my instinct is to hide it from Laurel and go running to my Mommy- assuming she can fix it. And when she called and told me she miscarried? God, Felicity, I hadn't ever felt relief that intense before- it was like a reprieve from a Hangman's noose, that phone call." He wasn't looking at her anymore, the tears were building up too fast, he was trying too hard not to imagine right then and there all of the "what might have beens" if he had done things differently, if he had been different- better, good- hell, right now he wished he could say he'd been "decent"…

"You know, I don't think I ever even asked her if she was alright. When she called to tell me about the miscarriage, I don't think I even worried about her. Tommy and I went out that night and partied so hard- and I bought some absurdly expensive bracelet for Laurel, you know, "for no reason". That one got a wry chuckle and shake of the head. "God, I just- it's so hard for me to look back that version of Oliver- sometimes it's harder for me to look at that version than it is the version that was gone for five years. I may have done horrible things that I will always regret while on Lian-Yu, in Hong Kong, with the Bratva... but the billionaire playboy Oliver Queen who left on a vacation with his girlfriend's sister without a second thought? I am so glad THAT Oliver Queen is dead."

Felicity wasn't speaking- there wasn't anything to say. She had heard about some of his exploits even from hundreds of miles away in Boston. Not much, but his family had come up a few times in Hacktivist groups- how to redistribute the billions families like that had, how to expose their hypocrisy, their affairs, their darkest secrets… She had never done anything like that, but she had understood the urge. But, of all people, she knew what it was like to feel haunted by idiot mistakes and the stupidity that comes with being young and special- he had money and privilege- she had computer skills that were almost unchallenged in the world. It was heady- it had been the downfall of Cooper, and it had been so close to being hers.

She moved closer to Oliver on the balcony- almost wishing it wasn't so big, that there wasn't so much space on it. Tentatively she moved her hand to cover his on the railing as he was looked out at the city. She squeezed his fingers a little, trying to give him some encouragement, understanding how difficult all this must be to say.

"When I saw her- them- that day- Samantha, and William… I mean, it was perfectly believable that he wasn't mine. I knew absolutely nothing about her when we met- she could have had a boyfriend or something… but when I saw him, Felicity- I can't really explain… and then…" And at that point he looked up, into her eyes- and she could see him at war with himself. "But I knew- something in me just knew. I tried to push it away, I tried to MAKE myself believe her that it wasn't mine- but I knew. So I got Barry to run the DNA, and I was right."

"But Felicity, I was so scared. I mean, I didn't get nine months to get used to the thought of having a child- a baby, that you learn and grow with- he was a nine year old boy! And then, of course, I had you, and I was the Arrow in the middle of a VERY dangerous undertaking and you and I were so happy, and I WANTED to tell you- I actually started to, so many times. But Samantha made that condition and… I begged her to let me tell you. But she was adamant. And honestly- it was hard to blame her- given her only knowledge of me was not exactly of a man any mother wants her child to be like- or even to know. If I had been in her shoes… I don't know that I would have ever given me a chance at all." And his head dropped, hanging down, he seemed so defeated. Felicity had tears welling up in her eyes. She had always known it was more complicated than him having two bad choices and he made one of them- the one that just happened to hurt her. But she had been SO hurt and angry that she hadn't allowed herself to spend any time at all trying to think about things from his perspective.

He was openly crying now- something she had only seen a few times since meeting him- and everytime had been absolute hell for him- she knew he did not take this at all lightly. But he looked up at her, determined to keep going, trying to compose himself so he could finish this conversation- a refreshing change she had to admit- he'd answered her question, but there was more to tell, so he would. And none of it were excuses or pleas of forgiveness.

"I don't think I had really made up my mind to not tell you. In fact, I was fairly determined I would. But then I got to spend one incredible afternoon with him- we played with action figures, we talked about baseball and soccer- he plays Little League, he told me about some of his favorite books and how much he wants a puppy and couldn't I get his mom to buy one? And when I had to leave, he gave me the biggest hug, just wrapped himself around me..." The tears were streaming now, but he was smiling with the memories of the two or three afternoons he'd ever had the chance to speak to his son- to hold his son, to learn his freckles and that he was left handed…

"I can't even explain it to you. One second I'm working on building a life with you, and the next I- I have a son! But I can't tell anyone, and I can't even tell him that I'm his father and… yeah, it was selfish. I didn't want to give up on any of those things. So, I chickened out and tried to have every way, and ended up with none of the options." He looked up at her, his eyes open and searching in hers, looking for any sign that this mattered, that his honesty was getting through to her at all. "I lost over a billion dollars when I lost Queen Consolidated. But that was nothing compared to the idea of losing William… or the reality of losing you."

She was crying now too- openly. This was not at all how he'd expected this conversation happening, but they were finally having it out- and that felt good. She was right, everyone was right, he did keep things so locked up inside of himself and refused to share so many parts of him. He had HONESTLY thought that had been different with Felicity- and it had been, but only to a point. But right then, she pulled him to her in a hug- no matter what had happened between the two of them, he was so vulnerable right now, how was someone supposed to deal with that on their own? What COULD he have done? She just held him as they both just thought and felt. After a moment she pulled away, slightly and looked him in the eyes. They were dark blue- with quite a bit of red and puffiness from all of the crying, and she couldn't even imagine how she looked- whatever makeup had been left on her face was now probably in all kinds of streak… but as she looked him in the eyes and saw all this pain, he just looked so… before she knew what she was doing she had pulled his face to her's and was kissing him. Her hands were in his hair and her lips were crashing against his- he was surprised, but adjusted very quickly- pulling her in and holding her so tightly that she almost couldn't breathe- nor was she sure she wanted to if it meant he wouldn't be holding her anymore.

His tongue was pushing against her lips, prying them open, and the second they parted, she moaned, so softly, so delicately into his mouth. This was amazing- how had it been six months since either of them had experienced this? Kissing Felicity had always been like nothing he'd never experienced before- it was sexy and exhilarating and tinged with the promise of more- but it was also so comfortable, so like just having found something that had been missing and he didn't even know it hadn't been there- and that it was essential to his life.

Almost by habit he moved his lips down to her neck, there was spot just under her ear that if he nibbled just rightly-

"Oliver…" She let that moan escape, breathlessly, and that was when he snapped back.

"Wait. Felicity. Stop." In what was easily the most difficult feat of strength he had ever managed, he pulled back from her. She looked at him, utterly puzzled- her eyes shining with lust, she wanted more and he could tell. Her lips were swollen from him, her hair slightly mussed, curls a bit askew- in short, she had never been more gorgeous and he wasn't sure he had ever actually wanted her more than he did right now. But he wasn't going to do that, that wasn't what he wanted. Well, to be clear, it wasn't _just_ what he wanted, and he wouldn't risk having _that_ , but losing her.

"Stop? Oliver, you seriously want to stop?" She tried pulling him back to her, making a point of sticking out her leg with the slit just far enough that she was exposed on that leg- almost to her hip. And all he wanted to do was drop to one knee and lick his way up her thigh and then slowly, gently, move into the center… And just before he actually did it, as he was tracing the curve of her leg with eyes, imagining his tongue on her flesh, he remembered what was happening and turned away.

"I think we need more wine- how about you? Another glass? Why don't we go inside- I have more I want to say, and, frankly- I'm having one too many flashbacks to you and me out here, last Spring- that night of the meteor shower…" Her eyes went as wide as they possibly could as they each spent one moment remembering that _very_ memorable evening- the one when they realized how lucky they were that the balcony was over ⅔ solid brick and tall enough to make it difficult for any neighbors to see over the wall.

Trying to compose himself, he went inside to pour more wine and breathe deeply. While the conversation had started differently than he had expected or planned on, he was amazed by how well it had gone- at least from his perspective. He assumed that her kissing him had been a good sign- a surprising sign, a really, really nice surprise. Now that he had a second to think about it, her lips, how good she felt, how amazing she tasted, how close he had been to- _You gotta shake it off Man. You need to finish this, let the chips fall where they may._

He turned around, glasses refilled, and Felicity not looking at him. In fact, she was looking very intently at her floor- a floor he knew was not that interesting, nor was it at all dirty, so the only reason she would be looking at it was-

"Hey, Felicity, are you ok?"

She sniffed, belying her next words of, "Yeah, of course." He put the glasses down on the table and walked over to her and cupped her face with both hands. She was crying, and the tips of her ears were way past pink, they were a solid red- and she refused to look at him, it was the look she had when she was-

"Felicity, are you embarrassed?"

"I just- I guess I misread the signals, I mean, tonight was so-"

"Yeah, it was, it was really-" Nice? Magical? Wonderful? Defying superlatives? But before he could say anything she continued on.

"And you looked so amazing in that tux, and your comments in the car about my dress, and then rescuing me from that ass Grayson, then the dance and the music, and there were all these moments when I thought, when I…." she was starting to gesticulate, she was crying, she was moving around, she was waving her arms, she was doing everything but look at Oliver or make any sense.

"So I guess I thought, when you came back here, that you wanted- and I- I don't know… I'm just…I'm such an incredible idiot!" She moved over to the couch and flopped on it- she couldn't remember a time in her life she had ever looked or felt worse. What was she thinking? That she could just actively push him away from her for six months, not ever once willing to talk about what happened, not ever once allowing herself to give in- even the tiniest little bit- to give him anything that even hinted at hope that she'd forgive him for what had happened? And then she just asks him to bare his soul and go through every horrible moment of the thing with William and his old life and finding out his mother had paid off this girl to keep his own child from him. And he answered it all and went through all of that and, what- was supposed to want to throw her on the ground and have his way with her after having to dredge all of that up? After six months of "no, no, no" he was supposed to still-

Wait- was Oliver laughing?

"Oliver Jonas Queen, I understand that I just made a complete fracking idiot of myself, something which I will have years to be mortified over- but I swear to God, if you are laughing at me, you can just plan on everyone in your email contacts receiving that video of you wearing the Santa boxers last Christmas drunkenly singing _Santa Baby_." Did he just start laughing harder? She just might have to bring Photoshop into her revenge plan now.

But then he was sitting there, on the coffee table across from her, holding a box of tissues, a glass of wine, and that goddamned smile of his that melted her.

"Felicity- I'm not laughing at you- I swear to God. I would never in a million years. It's just that you are such an incredible, first class idiot."

"What an incredibly weird way to sign your death warrant." He grabbed her chin between his thumb and his forefinger, pulling it up so she was looking at him.

"Felicity, I love you more than anything in the world, and you know that. You and I know that is not something that just fades or goes away, and tonight has been the absolute most frustrating experience in self-control of my entire life- I'd easily take some waterboarding over having to pull away from you like I did just now- and if you don't know all of this, that I want you with every single fiber of my being, that just a word from you and I'm thinking about bending you over a table and me inside of you- without my having to say it- then yes, you are a first class idiot."

"I think you're trying to be very sweet right now Oliver, but if I were you, I'd reconsider using that word again."

He smiled and nodded, "Fair enough. And maybe foolish is a better word anyways." She kicked him in the shin, making him howl for a minute, but he grabbed her hands and refused to drop her gaze.

"Felicity, we never talked about what happened- not really. You started to walk again, you were on a thousand medications and had physical therapy and doctors appointments; we were _literally_ dealing with the threat of the end of the world hanging over our heads. And then Laurel-" He still couldn't really bring himself to talk about that and they both just were quiet for a minute, "Laurel and then Captain Lance and Thea and Dig leaving and I became Interim Mayor and… my God Felicity, how is a normal person supposed to process even 1/10 of that? We needed time- both of us. And, maybe some distance, a little clarity- so I've been trying something new, they call it 'patience'.

"Felicity, I can't undo what I did. And as much as I have thought about it, I don't know for certain that I wouldn't make some of the same choices- I don't know that I could ever give up any one of those minutes that I got to spend with him. But, I do know that it was wrong- keeping you in the dark, and then once you weren't in the dark anymore, keeping you out of it. The second I asked you to marry me, I was asking you to be my partner, to share my life- _everything_ in it. I should have looked for more ways to bring you in, I should have welcomed your advice, your input, your presence as a part of William's life simply because you were such a critical part of mine.

"And I definitely should have apologized over and over and over and over for making you feel for even a second like you weren't more important to me than just about anything else. And I swear to God, if you get to a point where you think you can give me a second chance, I swear I'll prove to you that I will never let anything like that come in between us, our family, again." He was pleading with his eyes, his gorgeous, gorgeous blue eyes. "I'm not asking that you even have an answer for me tonight, because I can wait- and I know it's a lot. But I'm not going anywhere- so you take as much time as you need. Ask any questions you want, because I'm done with lies, with obfuscations, with all of it."


	7. Difficult Responses

She wasn't crying anymore, she was just sitting there- this was so much to process and she had _not_ been expecting any of it- not tonight, probably not ever. But as she sat there on the couch, just looking at him- she loved this man, this big, brilliant but incredibly obtuse oaf. How could he be so intuitive and so incredibly wrong at the exact same time?

"Oliver, you sent William away- you won't ever know where he is until he's 18- if he even wants to find you. You just sent him away. For his safety."

He blinked. That was not any of the various reactions he had imagined thinking this all through the last few weeks. He had imagined violent anger, indifference, and maybe a few times he'd imagined her throwing _him_ down on the floor and having _her_ way… he'd tried very hard to keep his hopes from being pinned to that one. But she was just sitting there, recapping what happened at the very end of the story.

"I know. And I know I should have talked to you about what to do-"

"That isn't the point, Oliver. I mean, it is- yes, you should have, you should have talked to me, but that's not the point!" He blinked at her again- she was getting angry and loud, she was definitely about to start shouting- and while he knew he deserved it, he had still been hoping it wouldn't come to that.

With a sign of frustration she stood up, almost spilling her wine as she did so. "You unilaterally decided that your son and his mother weren't safe being in your life. That your life is so inherently dangerous that there was no way to keep them safe and they had to go- no questions, no discussion, just that's the way it's going to be, maybe you'll see him again in 9 years, nice knowing ya'." Ok, he reminded himself, she was being a bit harsh, but again, not entirely wrong.

"So tell me, Oliver, what was your plan with me? What was your brilliant plan when it was _our_ kids? I mean, I know we never spent a lot of time talking about it before, but I always thought we were on the same page that kids were _somewhere_ in our future, so what was the plan there? Were you going to just one day decide that we were in too much danger and then send _us_ away, never to hear from you again- or at least not until some video recording makes it to us ten years later? Or were you going to decide, some day, all on your own, that we just couldn't have kids? That it wasn't safe and _you_ wouldn't accept the risk? I just- Oliver, I don't care if you have _ten_ illegitimate kids, and to an extent, I get that you couldn't possibly make a good choice about telling me or not. But you _cannot_ make decisions for me, you cannot decide everything on your own. We may not always agree, in fact, I think it's safe to assume that we won't on a pretty regular basis. But even if the world is very literally ending around us, it is my right to choose to let it end while standing next to you, DAMMIT!"

She was fuming at that point, she had not been looking at him. She turned now and he was still sitting there, on the coffee table (which was from Ikea and she really didn't think it was meant to hold all of his weight and that had her a little bit nervous). She finished downing her glass of wine and put it on the side table. She was just pulling back as he grabbed her hand, holding it tightly, but refused to looked at her.

"I kind of pictured 3 or 4 kids, maybe two girls and two boys." It was soft, it could have been missed if she wasn't listening for any response from him. But it had her surprised- she needed to sit.

"What?"

He smiled, thinking about all of the plans he had in his head that somehow he'd never told her about. "Yeah, I kind of liked the idea of twins- maybe one kid, then twins- a boy and a girl, then maybe another girl?"

"Twins? You want me to haul around twins? Inside me?" She was standing up again, pointing at her abdomen, a little daunted by the prospect of what her uterus could possibly be capable of. She turned hot and flushed at the very sudden idea of being pregnant- how had it gone so quickly from the very abstract topic of their fight, recriminations against Oliver for his being a genuine ass hat, to the idea that she could have tiny little humans inside of her, growing and then... and then coming out!? Oh god, she had taken enough biology classes and watched enough Discovery Channel documentaries to know how that went. She was breathing very fast- maybe a benzo was in order. _Breathe Felicity, just breathe._ _This isn't real. You can't get pregnant just by talking about it- you're fine, this is all just conversation._ After a few breaths she felt centered enough to look at him- smirking. Easy enough for him to smirk, his part was strictly fun, afterwards he had very little role for at least 9 months.

"Hey, this was my fantasy over here, but you know, if you don't want to hear it..." He stopped talking and pointedly took a drink of his wine, that damn smirk still there, he knew she couldn't handle not knowing anything.

"Ok, ok, fine- so long as we're talking fantasy, we'll pretend that I don't have to actually give birth to twins or lose the baby weight after three or four kids. So, tell me about it, twins- a boy and a girl?"

"Well, I guess I imagined a son, Tommy or Robert, maybe?" She squeezed his hand at that, of course he'd want a child named after those men. "And then something really sweet and timeless for the hers- maybe Abby or Harper or Katie. Hopefully all of them would get your brains and your big, giant heart, and only a very little bit of the Queen penchant for bad decisions and troublemaking." She smiled, the idea of raising a mini Oliver or Thea did seem daunting, but maybe like more than a little fun. "We could spend weekends playing board games and having picnics and watching Discovery Channel together- you'd hack all the latest, unreleased Disney and Pixar movies and I'd learn to make chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs or something. And then, when we were ready, I think we'd have another one- cause I just think the world needs about a thousand more Felicity Smoaks, and I'd love to be a tiny little part of making that happen."

Ok, seriously, was she ever going to stop crying tonight? This was just getting embarrassing. He'd thought of all that? Well, she had too- she had spent a lot of time thinking about these things- maybe she'd only planned on one or two, but she had to admit that he had a certain way of describing this life that was more than a little appealing, it felt bigger and more important and... real. She leaned in, letting her forehead touch his, holding one hand behind his neck and he took the other in his hand holding it to his heart.

"Oliver, I love you. And if you think I have been anything but miserable for every single day of the last six months, then you would be so incredibly wrong. But… I think you're right about something. Clearly, this thing between us- all of this love- it isn't going to just go away. It's like matter, it can't be created or destroyed- it can get displaced, but... in this instance, I just don't think that's going to happen. And I'm getting so damned tired of fighting it." She took in a deep breath, trying to finish what she needed to say. "I don't know what to do- I really don't know how to just move past all of this. But I think that maybe, now, I'm ready to try- if you are." She looked at him, not entirely sure what his response was going to be.

He was smiling, that was an awfully good sign. He pulled her in for a kiss- not as desperate and lusty as the one on the balcony- this was much more tender, her face cupped in his hands, just like the first time he had ever kissed her- that amazing kiss, she just didn't want it to end that same way- with them walking away, heartbroken.

"Felicity, I don't entirely know how to move forward either, but if you're willing to try, then I think between the two of us, we just might be able to find a way to make this work." She was biting her lip, nervously.

"Do you promise not to screw it up this time?"

"I promise. And, to that end- in the interest of not screwing up anything before we've had a chance to start… I am going to do the most difficult thing I have ever done. I am going to kiss you goodnight, and then I am going to go home. Like a gentleman- even though I do not have a single, tiny little part of me that feels like one just at this moment." And with that, he pulled her up from the couch and kissed her more thoroughly than she had ever been kissed in her life. He held her at her neck, under her hair, his lips on hers, his tongue searching for hers. He was holding her to him so tightly, so closely, she was afraid she just might break, but she still wanted him to hold her closer. She moved her fingers to play so delicately, so lightly with his buttons, wanting to remove that stuffy shirt that was keeping their skin from touching each other….

And that's when Oliver took her hands in his, gently pulling away from her.

"Felicity, I mean this. I'm not going to mess this up. I'm going to earn your trust back, and then… we can go from there. But we need to take this one day at a time, because there is absolutely no way that I can ever go through losing you again- I'm sorry if this seems like another unilateral decision, but I really hope you understand." They were forehead to forehead and she wanted to say something, but the only things that came to mind were "Shut up and do me already," and variations on that theme. So she just bit her lip and nodded ever so slightly- giving him the courage he needed to collect his jacket and walk out the door.

As he crossed the threshold out to the hall he turned back just long enough to almost whisper, "I love you, Felicity." And he shut the door, before he heard her whisper back "I love you too, Oliver."


	8. Trials and Tribulations

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Felicity and Oliver's big date night- their first public appearance as Interim-Mayor and Mrs. Queen. The gala had been successful, due in large part to the fact that the event design firm, Events by Thea- Parties Fit for a Queen, had done so much of the work pro-bono, and had somehow pressured an astonishing number of vendors to do the same. The Memorial Gardens Park was on its way, Oliver's opponent was practically a non-entity at this point, Oliver and Felicity had gone on seven very successful and, for her at least, incredibly frustrating dates. No matter what she did Felicity still could not- despite all her attempts, get him to just give it up!

She had been so onboard with the idea that they take it slowly this time around, that they talk through everything that they had recently been through. Since it was just the two of them these days, she didn't bother with the Arrow Cave for their evening work, she just set up most of the necessary tech she needed in the loft. He still worked mostly out of the Lair- it was much closer to City Hall and, obviously, his campaign headquarters- not to mention the place that he slept every night- again, despite Felicity's best attempts. It wasn't that they didn't see each other- far from it.

They had been to dinner a few times, just on their own- dates that had nothing to do with the campaign or good press for the Mayor's office. They had been to Sushi Sono, the new cafe that had just reopened in the area of South Star City that bordered where The Glades used to be, once they had even gone to the movies- _The Princess Bride_ had been in theaters for a limited engagement and she spent the entire movie quoting at least 1/2 of it under her breath. She had gone to see two of his speeches- one with the new Chamber of Commerce on economic growth and development in which he had proved that he had, at least occasionally, showed up to classes at the various colleges he had attended. His grasp of Government Purchasing Parity and countercyclical fiscal policies had been downright sexy to her.

But there had been no more makeout sessions- she was as horny as middle school computer nerd. And it was infinitely worse because she was so in love with Oliver. She loved everything about the man- the way that he took the weight of the world's problems on his shoulders, the way that he spent at least 20 hours a day helping everyone on the planet- during the day he was the Mayor trying to rebuild this broken city and at night he was still the Green Arrow trying to stop criminals and save his home. And somehow he still had time to come by and help her fix a leaking shower pipe, have lunch twice a week with Thea and took homemade frozen meals to Lyla once a week to help out while Diggle was away.

But it was ok. She had taken time to think about things and she knew that she wanted, maybe even needed, Oliver in her life. Maybe he wasn't so great at always being the perfect partner. Sometimes he needed to go off and do his own thing, but he had come so far in just a few short years, and she really, truly believed that even when he needed to go and do his own thing, he had it in him to always come back to her. They needed to work on signals, he needed to be able to tell her when he was going through one of those times… but she really, honestly believed they could do it.

And she was going to make her move. Soon. If she didn't get some serious action, in the very near future, she was very possibly going to lose her mind. She had already had to re-work some problems with her favorite mechanical nightstand drawer toy to deal with how quickly it had been eating batteries- she really, _really_ needed a good date night that would go into overtime ASAP.

Tonight was dinner and a movie with Thea and with Lyla; they had been trying lately to make sure that Lyla got some time out of the house and a decent home cooked meal with company older than two. She would come over after work, Oliver would cook, Thea would pour wine and Felicity would hang out with Sara, who was just a gorgeous little munchkin and starting to talk. Felicity and she would play and they would read books and sing- it was heavenly, she loved these evenings where for maybe an hour, she got to feel like an Aunt, or even, a mom. She had never spent a great deal of time with children, but she loved them so much.

That night Oliver was busy in the kitchen roasting a chicken with tarragon, dijon and tons of garlic and shallots- he was also making some kind of potato and cheese side dish that smelled like heaven. Thea was busy cutting up bread and chopping veggies for a salad- Felicity had been banned from the kitchen weeks earlier when she almost severed a finger trying to cut potatoes for mashing, this after having been put on probation the week prior when she caught the stove on fire. She had studied physics and chemistry her entire life, how was it possible she was such a disaster in a kitchen? Then again, being able to watch Oliver in action in the kitchen was a pretty impressive sight in and of itself, and such a tasty one for her.

Oliver had picked good old-fashioned jazz and blues music tonight to cook to- he had a standing rule that when he cooked, he picked the music- although Felicity and Thea each got three vetoes a night. They were in the midst of a battle over whether one could use all three vetoes to invalidate the genre selection when there was a sound at the door. Well, not so much a knock, more of a heavy pounding. All three of them ran to the door, Oliver grabbing the large chef's knife as he moved. He looked through the peephole and saw Lyla on the other side, holding Sara and trembling. He turned and threw the knife into the kitchen, sticking out of the cutting board- Felicity would yell at him about the willy nilly hurtling of knifes in her house later.

Felicity opened the door and she and Thea were pulling Lyla and Sara in- everyone talking, everyone concerned- Lyla was most definitely crying and trembling and looked generally disoriented.

"Lyla, what happened?" Felicity got her to sit on the couch and pulled Sara to her, Oliver checked her pulse and Thea was getting her water- but grabbed the bourbon bottle just in case. Lyla took a huge gulp of the water and waved everything else off, trying to regain her composure.

"Its John- he's been injured." The room went dead silent, everyone frozen like a statue, not even breathing- it was just the sound of the music playing and the kitchen timer buzzing quietly. "He's fine- they _think_ he's fine, at least- I just spoke to his doctor, but they're sending him to Ramstein anyways. There was an IED, his car flipped, a few broken bones, most likely some internal bleeding… they think they have it under control and he's stabilized, but he's been unconscious for a few hours now and they're nervous about his responsiveness." Thea had one arm around Lyla and pulled her in for a hug, Felicity looked over at Oliver, she could see pain and fear behind his eyes at this- hadn't they lost enough this year? John was as close to a brother as Oliver had ever had- even as close or closer than Tommy, and she knew that the idea of anything happening to him would destroy him.

Sara was antsy, she knew that Mama was upset but she didn't know why- and she was hungry and wanted to play with Aunt Flissa.

"You know what girlie cakes? Aunt Felicity _just_ managed to get that new movie you wanted to see that comes out next month- the one with all the ponies and the unicorns? Why don't I put that on for you while we talk with your mommy for a bit? Uncle Oliver made you mac and cheese and a milkshake with tons of strawberries, and, if you give us a few minutes now before dinner, I'll ask him to put some whipping cream on the top of it!" Sara considered her bribes and quickly smiled, nodding her ok.

Felicity hurried to get her situated with a computer and some orange slices for a snack- she was in a phase where she wanted to eat about every twenty minutes, she was just growing so fast. By the time she had returned to the couch Lyla was a bit more composed, a bit closer to her normal self, although definitely still shaken and upset. She was working on getting the use of an ARGUS jet to get to Germany to be with Diggle, but couldn't get ahold of her sister. Her mother had just had surgery on her knee, her sister was in Ohio with her and she couldn't figure out what to do with Sara. "I know John would love to see her, but it just doesn't seem like a military hospital in another country is going to be a particularly good experience for the intrepid screaming banshee that is our daughter."

"We can take care of her!" Oliver was the first to speak up. Everyone turned to him. Lyla smiled, he really was a sweetheart.

"Oh, Oliver, that's so sweet, and so generous, but in case you forgot, you're kind of the Mayor of a struggling city- you have so much on your plate." Felicity snapped her head up to respond.

"But he said "we", Lyla. Between the three of us, I'm sure we can handle a few days or a week until John is better and you can come back home. I'm still in the earliest stages of setting up Smoak Systems, and I'm pretty much at home most of the day anyways."

Now it was time for Thea to pipe up, "Yeah, and I'm actually light on clients at the moment, not to mention, since I'm no longer doing the Speedy thing, I can jump in on nights when there is Arrow business they need to focus on."

"Guys, I appreciate that, I really do, it is so generous of you. But seriously, you don't know how much work it can be- she's mostly ok on the potty training, but still has accidents sometimes; she is tearing around the house and pulling everything in her path down to the floor, she is eating like every five minutes and getting particularly opinionated about when to go to bed and what she'll eat-"

"Lyla, come on, its us! You need to go to John and we're family, we can totally handle this, it's going to be fine!" Felicity had a huge smile on her face, she was nothing but confident that they could do this. They could totally do this- all three of them, it would be like an adorable and hilarious romantic comedy.

Three days later Felicity was ready to admit defeat- she had been up against the League of Assassins, Malcolm Merlyn, Damien Darhk, metahumans… but she was currently ready to cry and surrender to this three year old hellion, Sara Diggle.

Her apartment looked as though it had been invaded by a marauding group of demons, as though it was being looted and plundered and they were looking for something they clearly hadn't found. Every book she owned was on the floor, every single dvd was not only on the floor, but a good ⅓ of them were open and there was a stack of shiny dvds over by the bathroom. (Screw it, she had most of them on the computer anyways- it had kept the demon hell spawn occupied for a solid 15 minutes- the sacrifice was probably worth it.)

The first night Thea and Oliver had been amazing- they had mobilized and gotten Lyla home, picked up a giant bag of clothes and toys and all of that for Sara so she could stay at the loft- it was going to be a week-long slumber party. Then there was a flood at Thea's new apartment and she was going to stay at the loft, but Ray had to go and fall and sprain his ankle so she was needed at his place. Oliver had planned to take a few half days or maybe even two or three days off- he had talked about going to the pool, or maybe spending a day on a nearby lake to swim and play in the sand, go to the zoo. He had suggested they go on a picnic, that they go to the mall and take silly pictures, that they go to the movies…

And then FEMA had announced they were coming in for a surprise audit of the funds they had given Star City in the wake of the nuclear disaster to help rebuild. He had spent the last two days in emergency meetings, basically living at the office. The first day on her own had been fine- Felicity had taken her to a local kids gym and she had seen her jump around with a bunch of other kids- then they had gone to the park to feed ducks and eat ice cream, and Sara had been so worn out that she took a two hour nap.

But last night Sara woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare and it took forever to get her back asleep- and when she did, Felicity fell asleep with Sara on the twin air mattress they had set up in the guest room, so she woke up with a hot and sweaty toddler wrapped around her, hands twined in her hair and Felicity's back was horrifically sore from the roughly four hours of sleep she had gotten on that inflatable medieval torture device.

Then Sara had just been cranky all day. Suddenly she hated the colors blue and pink, refusing to wear any items that had either color- no matter how little of it there was. Breakfast was a disaster, Sara didn't want to go anywhere, she was desperate for her mommy and daddy, even Uncle Oliver apparently would have been a major improvement over what was happening now. Sara had finally gone down for a nap in the middle of the floor- wearing nothing but princess panties and a few of Felicity's necklaces piled on top of each other.

How could one tiny little creature possibly create so much havoc in one day?

Felicity didn't spend a great deal of time around kids growing up- she was an only child and had spent all of her energy studying and working and trying to save the world through her computer skills and technology. Then she had joined up with the Vigilante and she didn't have a time for a lot of friends- nor did she have a ton of friends with kids who she could spend time with so she could get used to being around children. She had spent the last twenty minutes googling toddler behavior and it was the education of a lifetime. She had just assumed that with a few structured activities, some Disney movies and snacks in the shapes of animals, everything would pretty much handle itself- she didn't know all of this about cognitive development being formed through creative rebellion, about setting boundaries for the child to push against to learn about themselves and limits. How did any parent do this without the help of like 3 nannies and Special Ops military training?

She was sore, she was exhausted and she had four more days of this. Diggle was doing well, Lyla had been checking in regularly with status updates- they had removed his spleen, but kept all the rest of the internal bleeding at bay. He was bumped and bruised with scratches, he was in a cast for a broken arm had a broken rib or two- and he'd be home for two months to recover.

Felicity looked at the clock, it was 4:00. If Sara didn't wake up soon, she was never going to fall asleep tonight, which meant that Felicity would never get to sleep tonight- she was already going to have to spend an hour or two trying to get mushed up cheerios and grape juice out of her designer rug, clean up the sticky spills all over the countertops and probably shower for about an hour- she did not think she could handle Sara refusing to go to bed.

Begrudgingly she stood up from her seat against the wall in the living room and moved to wake Sara up. The girl was sucking her thumb as she slept, her cheeks bright red- was she sweating again? Concerned now Felicity leaned down to feel her forehead- she was steaming hot! FUCK! Felicity was running around the house suddenly, she had to have a thermometer somewhere around here, but where? She tore through the kitchen to look in the first aid kit but came up empty. She found the thermometer that was for cooking- would that work- she wasn't particularly well-versed in any kind of difference between a meat thermometer and a human thermometer? She left it out on the counter, just in case, but then she went upstairs to look through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

"Gotcha- I knew you were somewhere." She grabbed it and ran back downstairs, hoping that it was clean, wiping it on her pants leg as she went to the girl. Wait, where was she supposed to do this? She vaguely recalled seeing something on tv or hearing something about taking a temperature in a kids tush… but was there a reason she couldn't take it using Sara's mouth? Dammit, why HADN'T she considered studying medicine? Should she call Caitlin? Oh screw it, it was her thermometer and she couldn't really picture using it again after it had been in anyone's bum. She knelt over Sara, shaking her gently, "Hey girlie, do me a favor will you? Can you just let Aunt Felicity help you? Do you feel crummy? I bet you do- here, let me take your temperature, just open your mouth for a second, ok?" She pulled Sara up to rest her head on her lap- oh she felt like she was burning up! The thermometer beeped- 101 degrees. No wonder she'd been so miserable today!

Felicity went to the email that Lyla had sent her that had all of Sara's information- allergies, dentist, pediatrician ok. She frantically dialed the doctor's number- they picked up on the third ring.

"Dr. Bayer's office, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Felicity Smoak, I'm taking care of my Goddaughter, Sara Diggle? Her mother is Lyla and her father is John and they're out of the country and Sara is really sick- I think. She woke up in the middle of the night, and she's been so cranky and difficult today, I swear I have no idea what else I could have done. She wouldn't wear anything with blue or pink and she didn't want to go to the zoo or color and I think that everything I own is currently on the floor of my apartment... but none of this is diagnostically relevant, is it? Umm, she has a fever... definitely a fever, it's 101 degrees, and she's only 3 so that seems pretty high and she feels crummy- I don't know if it's stomach crummy or throat crummy or what- but I _think_ she's got all of her shots? I would imagine, I mean her parents are very responsible, aside from leaving their precious baby with an incompetent nitwit who apparently thought her many episodes of Nanny Swap and repeated viewings of Mary Poppins meant she was ever supposed to be around children- ever... oh, wait, shots... umm, I think she has them, but I don't know for sure- I could always hack into their insurance and figure that out- or wait- I don't have to, you guys should have that information, right?" She was freaking out- looking at Sara's flushed face, she seemed cherubic at the moment but definitely uncomfortable.

"Ok, ma'am, I understand you're upset right now, but I'm sure she's fine- toddlers are shockingly resilient. Now, can you ask her if it's her throat or her stomach? Is she coughing or having nasal issues?"

"Yes, I can. I can ask her. Hey, Sara, sweetie, girl, can you tell me- does your tummy hurt? Or your throat? What's wrong honey?"

She just shook her head and held her hand up to her right ear, coughing just a little, as though on cue.

"Well, she's coughing a little and she just held up her hand to her right ear."

"Ok, I'm sure she is just fine ma'am, I am pulling up her records and I'm going to put you on hold for just a moment while I talk to the doctor- I'll be back in just a minute. Try to breathe in and out, calmly."

While Felicity waited on hold she was nervously googling what it could be- apparently there were all kinds of disorders of the inner ear that could be serious. Or maybe she had bronchitis or pneumonia? The possibilities were dizzying to her and she was freaking the frack out, what was she supposed to do? Did she need to call Lyla?

Then the nurse was back on the phone. "Ma'am? Ok, I just spoke with the doctor and we think Sara is most likely just fine- it sounds like she could be experiencing an ear infection- she has a pretty long history of them. Don't worry- she's always bounced right back. We're going to call in some antibiotics to her normal pharmacy and I'd recommend you start her on some baby Tylenol for the fever and the discomfort. She's going to be pretty cranky for the next 12 hours at least, but they should kick in relatively quickly. Take her temperature every two or three hours tonight and then again when she wakes up in the morning, if it gets higher or the meds don't seem to be helping in the next 48 hours, call us back, ok?"

Felicity sighed with relief, she was still worried about Sara, but at least she could calm down just a little bit. "Yes, great, ok, thank you. Thank you very much." Ok, so an ear infection- those were totally normal, right? She made herself breathe in and out a few times- within an hour she could pick up the meds, hopefully they would knock Sara out again and Felicity could try to restore some order to her normally pristine apartment. By tomorrow evening she'd probably be in a super cuddly, quietly watch Disney movies with Aunt Flissa mode and by Saturday, she'd be just fine.

"You got this Smoak, you totally got this." As she tried to psych herself up she looked at her phone to set the alarm to leave in 45 minutes for the meds- noticing she had missed a few texts from Oliver.

" _Hey, hope you ladies are having fun. Think I'm almost done here, going to head over."_

What the frack? He sent that seven minutes ago, just great. She sarcastically answered him in her head:

"Yeah, Oliver, having a ball over here with a sick demon hell child. I'm sure you're so jealous you're missing out on snot and boogers and crying and refusals to get dressed." She started stomping around the loft, annoyed- trying to get dishes cleaned up in the sink and the dishwasher. When had Sara managed to get into the cupboard and get flour everywhere on the floor? Was it in that two minutes she had taken to go the bathroom? Or the 90 seconds she had taken to answer a text from Curtis and check in on Lyla and Dig? And why was she crying? _Oh yeah Oliver, so much fun you're missing!_

"And now I get to go and take the aforementioned screaming devil spawn, pack her into my teeny-tiny, but oh so gorgeous and not even remotely designed for children sports car and listen to her symphony of screams while I go and pick up her meds. But yeah, it's been a great freakin' day- seriously, Mary Poppins would be out of a job, I'm such a fan-fucking-tastic mother figure." Tears just streaming down her face she looked down at herself. "Oh goodie- I spend three goddamned weeks grooming myself perfectly, trying to seduce that sonofabitch and now, I look like… I mean, are you kidding me with this?"

"I don't know, I think you look more beautiful than I've ever seen you." Her back had been to the front door- Oliver and his damn stealth capabilities. How much exactly had he heard? She turned around, in her messy black yoga pants and her filthy, long jersey tank top that said _Namastay in bed and code._

"Felicity are you ok? What happened?" Suddenly he was looking around the apartment and noticing the state of chaos. He moved to her and pulled her in for a hug. "What's going on?"

"Oh you know, Sara is sick- has an ear infection, so she didn't sleep last night and today she was just a delight, and I have to go and pick up her medications in a sec and keep an eye on her all night to make sure it's working and then, if I'm really lucky, somewhere around 2 am maybe I can get either a shower or ten minutes of sleep." She was angry, she was thoroughly exhausted and while she felt a strong desire to scream horrible things at him, she also felt so comforted and calm in his strong arms, smelling his particular scent of cologne, coffee and him.

"Where's Thea?"

"You don't know? Ray sprained his ankle and her new office building flooded and she's been dealing with those-"

"Wait, so you've been doing this entirely on your own for the last few days? Well, suddenly you calling me a sonofabitch feels a bit more reasonable."

"Frack, Oliver, I'm sorry- I'm just so tired and every muscle in my back hurts from sleeping on her air mattress and-" He stopped her rambling apology with a kiss, and suddenly she wasn't even remotely tired- she was very much on board with continuing the kissing and maybe, finally dragging him upstairs-

"Mama! Mama! I want Mama and Daddy!" The most pathetic cry came from over by the TV- Sara was awake now and her throat was obviously sore because she sounded so scratchy and quiet, and her nose was running.

"Oh shit- what time is it? I need to go and get her meds in a few minutes, so I should probably go get her dressed- God, she apparently finds clothing to be _so_ 2 months ago and completely beneath her. I swear, if I knew my fashion choices weren't so on point, I'd have been incredibly hurt at the ways she rejected every outfit I put together today." Oliver was smiling- this level of domesticity was not even remotely romantic, but God did it feel amazing and real and _right_.

"Ok, well, first things first." He sprung into action- Green Arrow reflexes had him hurrying gracefully around the kitchen and in a moment he had a glass of wine and a popsicle in one hand and was pulling out his phone with the other. "Now, Felicity, you are to take this glass of wine and go upstairs to soak in the hottest, frothiest bubble bath of your life, and you are _not_ to come back downstairs for at least 60 full minutes."

"Oliver, that is very sweet of you, but Sara-"

"Sara and I are going to sit on the couch and watch Dora while she sucks on this popsicle. Thea used to get terrible ear infections and the way that they made her throat hurt was the worst. We split a lot of popsicles over Arthur and Sesame Street back in the day."

"But Oliver, I have to go and-" but Oliver had picked up his phone and was already speaking to his assistant, "Lys? Are you still in the office? You are? Great- I need a huge favor. Could you possibly swing by the pharmacy?" he looked at Felicity mouthing, _where are the meds?_

"Oh! Ummm, the pharmacy on 8th."

"The pharmacy on 8th- I need you to pick up a prescription for Sara Diggle."

"Oh, and the doctor said she needed Children's Tylenol!" Felicity called out.

"And a big bottle of children's Tylenol? Yeah, it seems she has an ear infection. Yeah, I know, poor kid, right? Ok, well if you could grab those and then run them over to me- yep, at that address, exactly. Perfect, thank you so much- you're a lifesaver- go ahead and go to dinner tonight,it's on me- just bring me the receipt in the morning, ok? Great, thanks so much!" He ended the call and looked up at her, "Why are you still down here? Hot bubble bath, scented candles, I'll bring you a refill of wine in a bit, once I get Sara settled."

She just stood staring at him- ten minutes ago she had been a crumbling, crying mess, calling her beautiful goddaughter many variations on the theme of demon baby devil hell spawn, and he comes in and takes charge of everything; within moments it's all fine- or at least on the way to being fine. He moved towards Sara and pulled her up to him in a hug.

"Hey Sara-la, I hear you feel pretty crummy, huh?" She was still crying a little as she nodded her head, but then nuzzled into his chest with the popsicle, seeming at least slightly soothed by the comforting presence of the tall, handsome knight in shining armor. "Now, what do you say, should we watch Dora or do you want me to put on Tangled again?" She whispered something to him and he smiled, reaching for the remote and moving to sit on the couch.

"Smoak, I meant it- hot bath, you, no arguments, one hour- go."

She paused to watch them on the couch, smiling- how was it possible to go from utter despair to complete contentment so quickly? And suddenly… she knew. She had known, for quite a while, in fact she had never not known, but she had been fighting it for so long and she was just going to run headfirst into it, from here on. She had been about to head up to her amazing soaking tub- one she was remembering all too vividly could easily accommodate both her _and_ Oliver… but at the foot of the stairs she paused and turned. She walked over to Oliver on the couch and leaned in, kissing him lightly on the lips. He looked up at her, his eyes shining. "I love you, Oliver. I really do." And then, before he could respond, she straightened up and walked away, up to the bathtub and 60 minutes of hot, soaking, lavender and vanilla scented bliss.


	9. ER Confessional

Felicity couldn't decide what to wear. She had just finished an absolutely glorious soak in the tub, her muscles were feeling so much better after the bath salts and the aromatherapy set that Laurel had gotten her for her last birthday. But now was the big dilemma- after the day she had, anything more than Angry Bunny pajama pants and a tank top seemed like way too much… but Angry Bunny pjs were not even remotely sexy, and she had just shaved her legs, under her arms... she was really in the mood for a romantic night with Oliver.

Ultimately, as much as she was hoping for some very adult time, the effects of the steam from the bath and the epsom salts were starting to dissipate slightly and she decided to go with her instinct for pajamas- but, she couldn't fight the impulse to to put on a particularly lacy emerald green bra with cute little bows at the bottom of each strap in the front. There might also be a matching g-string to it that she just couldn't separate from the bra- she was exhausted, sure, but goal-oriented.

She hit the bottom of the stairs and was pretty sure she was in an alternate dimension- had Barry been screwing with time again? Her apartment was clean- not perfection, not the almost OCD clean like she had gotten used to with Oliver, but all the dvds and toys were put away, the kitchen had been swept and wiped down, Sara was even wearing pajamas and sleeping, although it seemed fitfully on the couch. And even more amazing, Oliver had ordered Thai takeout from Thai One On, her absolute favorite takeout place in the known universe- the ridiculous name was just an extra perk.

"Oh my God- what happened to my house? It did not look like this when I went upstairs!" Oliver walked up to her with a glass of some kind of sparkling wine, probably left over from New Year's Eve- she didn't have much in the house but she really didn't care what she was drinking right now so long as there was some booze in it.

"Luckily Lyss came by pretty soon after you went upstairs and the meds seem to have knocked Sara out- so I ordered food and I cleaned up a little. I did want to double check on one thing though- you two weren't attacked by some kind of being made of flour, were you? I saw the massive disaster over by the pantry and wanted to make sure that wasn't anything the Green Arrow needs to worry about." He moved in so close to her, she could feel him breathing on her face, he was smirking- teasing her, it felt so familiar and normal and just- awesome.

"Nope, no evil gluten or flour monsters. Unless Sara was temporarily possessed by such a being. I'm pretty sure that happened while I was checking in with Lyla. Did you hear that Dig is doing great? Yeah, she plans to head back a day earlier than she planned- he'll follow in probably two or three days on a military transport- we'll have him back a few months while he recovers." Why was she nervous? Oliver hadn't moved, he was standing no more than 5 inches from her, his eyes and lips were right there.

"Well, I'm glad to know none of you were in any real danger." He moved into close the distance between them, taking the glass of champagne from her hand, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her with everything he had in him. He was holding her tightly as she moved her arms up to snake around his neck to pull him closer- his tongue was forcing her lips apart and they were exploring each other. She was almost instantly breathless as he moved his hand under her tanktop, up and over her breasts- they were so perky and firm and perfectly sized for his hands.

She let out a moan and moved her lips to his neck- there was a very specific spot, partially between his Adam's apple and his ear, towards the back- she ran her lips and then, very lightly, her teeth, upwards from his collarbone to his ear, briefly pausing to nibble on his earlobe as he growled- a soft rumbling coming from deep in his chest.

"Felicity- Sara is right there, there is no way I can-"

"No way you can do what? Throw me down on the floor and-" He covered her mouth with his before she could finish the thought out loud. She moved her hands under the hem of his shirt, running them up and down his chest, stopping to circle his nipples with the tips of her fingernails.

"Felicity, seriously, Sara is right there, and she isn't well- the worst thing I can think of would be for her to wake up and-" Felicity was trying to loosen his belt- what the hell had he done to deserve this? He wasn't a saint- fuck, he wasn't even saint adjacent, how was he supposed to say no to this woman who-

"Mama! Mama mama mama… aaaaaaaahhhhhhh" Ok, so being brought back to reality by the actual screams of a three year old girl hadn't been the plan, but he was glad they hadn't come about five minutes later.

Almost instantly they jumped apart, swearing under their breath, disbelief that this was happening- or not happening, as was actually more accurate at the moment. But Felicity rushed over to Sara to try and comfort her and see what was wrong and he couldn't help but smile, watching her over there with the little girl who was so sick and a little scared. Sure, he wanted her in much less clothing and much more privately than was currently an option- but watching her with Sara, trying to soothe her, trying to take care of her… he'd seen her in a pretty diverse set of lingerie, he'd seen her in absolutely nothing actually- but he wasn't sure that he'd ever seen her more beautiful or wanted her more than he did right now.

But as she soothed back Sara's hair she made a face, looking concerned. She reached for the thermometer on the coffee table and put it in Sara's mouth, stroking her face and whispering soothing things to her. But after the beep at 30 seconds she looked up at Oliver, "It's 103.5- I know you _just_ gave her the meds, but-"

Before she could say much more Oliver had moved in, picked up Sara and was telling Felicity to turn out the lights, they were going to the ER. He did just now give her the medication, but that was a high fever and he wasn't really a "wait and see" kind of guy. He kept talking, trying to keep his voice steady- he didn't want Sara or Felicity to think there was anything wrong so he tried to reassure her, playing off his own concerns.

"Google says it's pretty normal. I'm sure she is absolutely fine, I wouldn't worry about it, but I'd feel guilty when Dig gets back if I didn't cover every base. I couldn't- I mean, the little experience I have- kids get fevers, I know she's had a lot of ear infections, she'll be fine." Felicity ran to get a blanket for the car, one of her laptops since she always felt pretty much naked without one, and they were gone from the loft.

On the outside, Oliver seemed so calm the entire ride to the hospital, he was trying to chat with her while Sara whimpered in pain in the back seat. Felicity was nervous- she had never been through anything like this- she was the only child, but she was surprised to see how naturally this all seemed to come to Oliver. Stitching up bullet holes and bandaging broken ribs on the fly, sure, no problem for Oliver Queen- but this kind of nurturing attention, this… dad-ness… This was a very unexpected side of him. Good Lord, if Sara were not so sick, she'd pretty much mount him right then and there.

They were at the ER and it had been over an hour- did the word _emergency_ actually mean anything to the people here? The entire drive over he had seemed so calm, he had been squeezing her hand- and Felicity may not have been pre-med, but she certainly wasn't an idiot, she was about as far from idiot as was possible; but she knew it wasn't that big of a deal for a kid to have such a high temperature, technically, hypothetically, she understood that- so why did it seem like such a big deal right now?

Oliver's smile had somehow gotten Sara a bed in the ER in the first half hour they were there, but they had only had a chance to talk to a nurse while she took Sara's temperature and drew some blood- no doctor had been by yet. He was holding her hand, trying to calm her- well, trying to calm both of them.

"Just remember, if it was really serious, they'd have sent a doctor our way pretty much immediately. That's how it was when…" When Thea had been stabbed and brought here on the brink of death, when Thea had wrapped her brand new sports car around a tree while being all vertigo-ed out, when Felicity had been brought here after the accident. God, he really hated hospitals. A had been quiet- not talking much, and with Felicity, he always assumed that meant there was a problem.

He looked over, trying to gage how she was doing. That was when he noticed the intense look Felicity got on her face when she was trying to hack something with even remotely decent security- he looked over at her screen and saw what looked like the hospital's scheduling program.

"Felicity, are you hacking the hospital's system right now?" She looked up at him, with that face she made when she was busted but was going to try to wheedle something out of him- clutching the screen of her laptop, bottom lip sticking out a bit, eyes wide.

"I thought if I could just get into their scheduling rotation system I could re-assign the doctors so that someone actually came to examine Sara. Or, failing that, I could tap into the emergency system and have doctors called in so that there are enough…" She saw the look on Oliver's face. "What? Too much?" He smiled and leaned into her, holding his thumb and forefinger together,

"Just a bit. Don't worry- the doctors know what they're doing. Someone will be here to see her when they can- the nurses got her on some fluids, she got a little more for the fever, she's actually sleeping. It's going to be fine." He was holding her hands in both of his, noticing that she looked tired, and why wouldn't she be? It had been a long day- a sick 3 year old couldn't possibly be a vacation. "Wow, it looks like I should have left you home- you could use some sleep- she wear you out today?"

"I'm suddenly seeing Lyla and Dig as much bigger badasses than I ever knew. I mean, how do people do this? And my mom- a single woman for much of my life- waited tables 50 or 60 hours/week in six inch heels and then came home and fed me, made sure I took my Flinstones vitamins AND made my Halloween costumes... Two days with a cranky toddler and I would have hacked the Federal Reserve for a million dollars to bribe her for just ½ hour of peace of quiet. I swear, I need to find a way to make some serious cash off this spine implant or something, cause if I'm ever going to do this for real, I'm going to need like 30 nannies and the ability to finance an insane caffeine addiction- _more_ insane than my current caffeine addiction."

"Good God, I can't even think about what that would look like." He joked with her, wanting to help. "Here, turn around…" She did and let out a contented sigh as he began to rub her shoulders. "Oh God, I needed this." She winced a bit as he found a knot in her upper back and started to gently but firmly work it out.

"Yeah, I could tell. You seem a bit wound up- I'm sorry that it was so rough on you the last few days. I swear, I did not realize Thea hadn't been helping out- I would have come over if I had known."

"No, Oliver, please- you had a city to run."

"And the city wouldn't have fallen apart if I had spent a few hours spelling you with Sara. I could at the very least have been there with wine and dinner last night for you."

"Oh damn! Wine and dinner- it's back at home, we didn't get a chance to-"

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to run out and grab you something?"

"No- I mean, yes, I'm a little bit hungry, but I can wait until we get back home. You stay put mister- this is better than food" She sighed and leaned back into his hands massaging her, his strong, capable hands. She had missed this so much- the way that they could just casually _be_ \- how a few minutes of talking to him would erase the stress of the day, no matter what. She never felt alone when she was with him; really with one or two admittedly massive exceptions, he had always been so there for her.

Hesitantly, not wanting to ruin the moment, but feeling bold enough to mention it he decided to try.

"You know,I think the thing about parenting, ideally at least, is that there are two of them- two people, sharing the work."

She had been blissfully inattentive the last few minutes and his voice, calm and low, but she heard something behind it as he spoke.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm just saying that I think if you did, some day, want to have kids, but hadn't made your millions yet- well, maybe instead of an army of nannies you just need one person to help out- in a more partner-y not on the payroll kind of way." He expected her to get stiff and weird or to start rambling and change the subject- and for about a millisecond, her spine went stiff and her pulse skipped a beat. But then she breathed, and relaxed back into his massage. A few minutes passed and he wondered if she was going to just try to pretend that it never happened, but then,

"Maybe you're right. Partners... that sounds kind of nice." She could almost feel him smiling from behind her, and she was smiling too. She reached back behind her and took hold of both hands, stopping them from the unquestionably needed backrub she was receiving to pull his arms around her, tightly. He kissed the top of her head and held her as close as possible. She closed her eyes, unable to remember when she had last felt this good- when she had been this happy or content. "I think that some day, that would be really,really great." He didn't say anything, he didn't kiss her, he didn't move- except to pull her in just a little tighter- he wasn't worrying about breaking her- she was so strong, his Felicity was so incredibly indestructible, and he just wanted to feel her as close as possible.

"You know, this place- as much as I loathe it, it has one really amazing memory for me."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" She was snuggling into his shoulder, her feet up on the chair next to her, burrowing her head to the soft spot under his arm, leaning into that incredibly beautiful chest of his.

"Do you remember Sara's birthday? When John and Lyla had just had her and we each came over to meet her?"

"Ummm, yeah- I had just recently been blown up on our first date, you lost your company, Thea was AWOL… oh, and I'd just hacked all of Ray's devices to play sounds of farting porcupines."

"Wait- what?" He was trying awfully hard not to laugh at that.

"Oh yes, 'twas a proud day for the Smoak legacy." He was laughing behind her- quietly, but desperately trying not to. "Hey! He had just stolen your family's company, I was mad! It was cathartic!"

"I know, and I love you so much for that." He was chuckling still as he pulled her tighter against him, he was convinced that he would absolutely never let her go. "Well, that night I came into the room to meet her, this beautiful, amazing baby, just hours old, and when I walked in the door of the room- there was you- holding her." His eyes teared up and his voice stumbled just a little. "And you were saying something to her, making funny faces and stroking her face- and… that is the exact moment that I _knew_ that if I were ever going to really be with anyone, to build a life with someone, well…" He was definitely choked up- he was remembering that night so vividly- her purple dress with the cutout, her big glasses and the way that she had looked at Sara, talked to Sara in the moment.

"Felicity, I've rarely been more terrified than when I walked into that hospital room and saw you smiling at that girl right there. Because you were radiant- and it hit me, it was like a ton of bricks. I flashed forward and I saw everything with you- marriage, a house, kids- absolutely everything I was too afraid to admit that I wanted and that I never thought I could have- the Vigilante couldn't have those things, that life.

"I should have told you that second how I felt, and I never should have let so much time come in between us. But I'm so tired of wasting time- because no one on earth could ever mean as much to me as you do. And I have known _that_ since the day _that_ girl in there was born- that's three years, two months and 7 days." Wait. She did the math quickly- that was dead on- that's exactly how old Sara was. How could he possibly- the guy who had trouble remembering a dinner date or a ribbon-cutting without the help of his assistant?

But, that was the thing about Oliver.

He remembered everything- he remembered that the pen she was chewing the day they met had been red- that was a weird thing to remember, wasn't it? Just like it was weird that the first time he brought her flowers they were daffodils, because he remembered they were her favorite. Or how he never would think to bring her coffee with any kind of sweetener but loaded with way too much cream and a hit of cinnamon… He just- he got her, he loved her, and she loved him, and they had wasted so much time.

She was just about to speak up and say something when the doctor arrived. "Mr. and Mrs. Queen?"

"What? We're- no, I mean, Sara isn't our-" Felicity was surprised. Oliver tried to hide his smile at her fluster as he stepped in to the doctor to shake his hand.

"Hi, sorry- it's been a long day for her, watching our Goddaughter, you know how sick kids can be, she's just tired."

"Ah, yes, she's a pretty sick little girl over there isn't she? It's good that you brought her in, that fever was pretty high and she was definitely dehydrated. The good news is that it is just an ear infection, but it's a fairly nasty one, she seems pretty uncomfortable." He moved over to Sara and had an awesome thermometer that read her temperature just from swiping across the forehead- Felicity wanted that one, it was fancy and high tech. "But, the Tylenol is working, her fever is down to 101.5. We're going to keep her here for another hour or two, just to make sure it continues to fall and to keep her hooked up to the IV for the fluids, but we'll get you out of here and on the way home soon."

"Thank you, Doctor, we appreciate it." He shook the doctor's hand again and they chatted for a few minutes while Felicity took the time to send a quick text to Lyla.

 _Hey, Munchkin is fine, just a bad ear infection. Heading home in an hour or two. Do you want to talk to the doc?_

She looked up to see the doctor leaving and Oliver was standing next to Sara's bed. The tiny girl was asleep and flushed- but sleeping and seemed to breathing a little easier. Oliver was just standing there, looking at her- he brushed a lock of her hair to be back behind her ear and the look on his face was so sweet- fiercely protective and gentle and anxious and happy all at the same time. She didn't want to ruin the beautiful moment, but-

"Oliver, this is really adorable, but I swear to God that if you wake her up, you're handling it."


	10. Safe In Your Arms

They had gotten home from the ER at 1:30 in the morning. Sara's fever was stubborn so they had decided to keep her there until it was down to 100.5- the doctor could tell that these non-parents were pretty freaked out by this sick kid and had been relieved when they kept her, even if it was a bit longer than was necessary. Sara, not surprisingly, had been exhausted and slept through almost the entire thing. Felicity had been awfully tired too- she nodded off during the ride home and Oliver would have given just about anything to not have to wake her up- but since he'd have to carry Sara upstairs, he had no choice. He leaned over and touched her shoulder softly, whispering in her ear, "Felicity, honey, we're home." She opened her eyes- heavy with sleep, her hair a bit mussed from sleeping in the car the last ten minutes. He hadn't gotten to see her wake up in quite some time and he had forgotten how heart breakingly beautiful a site it was.

"Did I fall asleep?" He was smiling at her, his big beautiful smile. She groggily followed him out of the car but was so tired she could barely wait for him to hold the elevator as he picked up Sara and brought them all upstairs. But just as Oliver was putting Sara in bed and getting her situated, she woke up- crying and screaming for her Mama. Oliver grinned wryly at Felicity-

"You're exhausted, I've got this. Why don't you go to bed and I'll get her settled. I can see myself out."

"See yourself out? Like, as in, go home? Tonight? Oh, I kind of thought that maybe you were going to-" And that's when her disjointed ramble was interrupted by the biggest and least seductive yawn in the world, as she tried to wink at him. He had to shake his head to try and keep her from seeing the smirk on his face. She blushed- she wasn't even sure she was capable of doing a single thing tonight- but, the idea of him going home just did not appeal to her at all. "I just- I don't think you should go home tonight. It's late and Sara really likes having Uncle Oliver here- maybe you could just stay the night?" Sara was snuggling so tightly to him that Felicity wasn't sure there was much chance of separating the two of them.

She took a deep breath and moved a little closer to him, grabbing the hand that wasn't holding Sara. "It's just been such a long day, and we're both exhausted and I think it would be really nice if you were here in the morning. I think we'd both really like that. Wouldn't you Sara? Wouldn't it be fun if Uncle Oliver stayed over tonight and made us pancakes in the pulling herself even closer into her big fuzzy teddy bear of an "uncle". Oliver just smiled and kissed Sarah on the top of her head.

"Well, I guess that seals the deal, huh? No way I can disappoint my two favorite girls in the whole world, can I? Felicity, why don't you head on up to bed, I'm fine just crashing on the couch.

"Oliver, you don't have to rough it on the couch- it's a nice couch for a nap, but I have a bed big enough for three or four people-" She winced at that one, cringed really- she wasn't asking for a threesome or anything. "I mean- it's not like I would know that for sure- I never- I mean, it's just a really big bed. But, you- you know that, I mean, you were with me in that bed... before- we've both been in that bed- at the same time… You know what? I'm going to just go and throw myself off the balcony from embarrassment, so the bed should be pretty much available tonight anyways." She turned away from him but he reached out to grab her hand.

"Felicity, it's ok- I understand. I just, I don't want to presume…" Were his eyes glancing at her bra strap? Did he understand the reason she had originally put it on? She blushed a little, trying not to think too much about it. Sara seemed to be pretty much out of it as Felicity moved over to the bed and sat on the edge of the air mattress- she really should have an actual guest bed in here. Then again, if there was a bed in here, she wouldn't have an excuse for any of this conversation.

Oliver laid Sara out on the bed, pulling a blanket up around her and making sure her favorite stuffed animal- a little pink penguin, was right next to her. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, brushing her forehead, which seemed warm still but wasn't blazing hot like it had been and her cheeks were less red and a little more pink. He stood and motioned for her to follow him out of the room- she leaned in to kiss her on the cheek too and followed him.

They shut the door softly behind them and he took her hand, moving her over to the couch to sit. She was so tired, she really just wanted to be in bed, curled up in his arms and asleep for the next 12-18 hours. They could wear parkas or hazmat suits if it would help the situation be less awkward, she just wanted to go to bed.

"Felicity, I love you. And I think we both know how much I want to go up to that bed with you."

"Oliver, please. Yes, I've been thinking about… things… and _maybe_ , when you came over tonight I had hoped that we could… but, I swear to God, Oliver, I'm so tired I can barely sit up right now, much less enjoy your particularly amazing body. What I would really love is to just go upstairs, brush my teeth and fall into bed. A very soft bed that has plenty of room for the two of us, and after the particularly long, stressful few days it's been, I would really like you to just hold me while I sleep." And with that she stood up and walked away, to the stairs, "Come on Queen- man up and just come cuddle with me." As she hit the third stair up she heard him stand up behind her and follow her. _Good call Queen. Good call._

 _There was a loud pinging sound, the sound of bullets hitting the car, the deafening sound. Oliver threw himself on top of her as the man in the front seat hunched over him. She heard him trying to whisper to her to stay calm, stay down- and then there was a searing pain in her back, hot and shocking. There was the smell of blood- she knew that smell, she had dealt with that smell many times- she was not mistaken or confused. Oliver left her, he climbed to the front seat and he hit the accelerator, doing whatever he could to get her away from here, to get her out- then he was pulling her out of the car, shouting, crying, desperately trying to find a phone._

She jolted awake, screaming, trying desperately to struggle for breath, just as she did every few nights- that same nightmare happening over and over again. Only tonight, as she went through her customary panic attack while waking up, as she struggled to free herself from blankets and move her feet (she always needed to get up as quickly as possible, to remind herself that she _could_ walk), tonight there was someone there. Tonight someone next to her had tensed- awake and alert immediately.

"Felicity, Felicity, what is it?" She turned, tears streaming down her incredibly pale and upset face. She turned into him, he held her so tightly, she sobbed for what seemed like hours leaning into him and holding on to him like she would drown if she let go. He was pushing her hair back, away from her face, kissing the top of her head, holding her to him. He knew nightmares and cold sweat and screams of terror, he knew sometimes you had to process for a while after waking up- but he wasn't going anywhere. He looked over at the clock, 4:30 in the morning- hardly time to wake up yet- especially since he had taken the morning off to help out around here.

After the sobs had calmed, Felicity looked up at him- the fear and worry in his eyes- but he refused to push, he would not make it worse. Finally she spoke- refusing to look him in the eyes.

"It was the car. When they shot me." His eyes teared up, he would never forgive himself for anything that she went through that night- in the span of 6 hours it went from being the best day of his entire life to the worst. He would have happily gone back to Lian Yu for another five years if it would have spared her any of that.

"Do they happen often? These dreams?"

"Off and on. But I hadn't in awhile- I think, probably something to do with being there… in the hospital tonight…" The tears started back up, but much softer now as they both sat there, remembering that night. Remembering the exhilarating high of the engagement, and then… He picked up her face in between both his hands, looking her in the eyes, desperate for something to say, something to do that could make it better- that could make her feel better that… that could help in any way. As their eyes met, something changed- it was like a spark igniting behind her eyes- a need for comfort, a need for closeness- a need for him.

She leaned in and kissed him- fiercely, ferociously. He kissed her back, just as hard, his tongue warring against hers and her fingers in his hair, raking through it and his lips and teeth moved to graze against the amazing creamy skin of her long, beautiful neck, nipping along the way and pausing at her collarbone, making her moan his name- "Ol-iv-er"... three, long syllables laced with want and need. She pulled at his shirt- tugging it up over his head, running her hands along the unbelievably smooth expanse of his chest, she had missed this. She leaned in and ran her teeth along his body, his gorgeous, incredible, amazing body. He groaned as she sucked on his nipple and teased it with her teeth- she wasn't being particularly gentle about it, and that was just fine with him.

She was straddling him now, grinding against him as she worked her way up and down his body with her tongue and her teeth and her lips- spending time on every scar, she knew them so well, even after the last few months of distance. Suddenly he hooked a leg around her, held her close and flipped her onto her back- holding her arms above her head- it was his turn. He kissed his way up and down her neck, nibbling on her earlobe as his hands wandered under her tanktop and up to her breasts- breasts he had not seen in far too long, but that he knew like he knew his own face. In one quick motion he yanked off her shirt and paused- he actually sucked in a breath and was pretty sure his heart stopped beating. She looked up at him, "Oliver, are you ok?"

He smiled and pushed some hair back from her eyes, behind her ear. "I just… God, Felicity, you're so beautiful- so…." He bent down, putting one breast in his mouth, circling her hard nipple with his tongue, sucking and kissing as he massaged the other one- not wanting to neglect any inch of her body. She sighed, it felt so amazing to be loved by this man, so thoroughly, it had been much too long for her- for them. He pulled on her nipple with his teeth, biting almost too hard, but not quite and she moaned again.

She was fumbling for the drawstring on his sweat pants- she couldn't help but notice how hard he was above her and she was desperate to feel that again. But just as she almost had the knot undone, he began to kiss his way down her body, lazily circling her navel with his tongue and then he was nipping at her pajama pants with his teeth, teasing her as he began to slide them off. Just as they got to the middle of her thigh he was able to really see the green lacy g-string she was wearing underneath- it had clearly belonged with the bra from earlier, and he wasn't ready to get rid of it entirely. He finished sliding her pants off and kissed the insides of her thighs, moving higher, up to where he could just push aside the green lace and then his velvet tongue was tasting her soft, warm tanginess.

He was kissing her, rolling his tongue all around her, sucking on her clit and she was moaning and bucking her hips towards him. Her breath was picking up as she got wetter and wetter and she was close- "Don't stop, oh my god, don't stop!" As if he ever would, he could happily do this for the rest of his life! She was starting to tremble throughout her body and he switched up the direction of his tongue, increasing the speed, and before he knew it she was crying out his name in her climax- screaming it really, it was a good thing this room had excellent insulation. She was pulling away from him but he wasn't letting her go. He just kept on sucking on her clit and running his tongue everywhere inside until before she had even truly recovered from the first one, she was coming again- falling apart as she ran her fingers through his hair- he was her anchor to this world right now.

She needed him. She needed to feel him inside her and she sat up, kissing him, tasting herself on his lips and his tongue and it was incredible. She finished untying his drawstring and pushed his pants off, his hard cock exposed and she pushed him down, climbed on top of him and quickly pulled him inside of her, as both of them moaned in the pleasure of their joining. She began to ride him ferociously, enthusiastically, grinding against him and he couldn't believe this was really happening. She was so warm and so wet and amazing, her skin rosy and flush, bite marks just under her left breast- bite marks he had put there. She was moaning again, starting to flush bright pink up to the tips of her ears- she was clearly about to come and it had her riding him faster and right as she broke, thrusting him into her deeper and deeper as she screamed and it made him come immediately- he rocked his hips closer and closer to her and he called out her name as the world crashed around him and he was falling and it was absolute bliss.

She rolled off him and onto her side, he pulled her into his arms and curved his body around hers, tightly holding her as though she was going to run away from him if he let go. He kissed her shoulder and grazed her back with his index finger, running it down her side and leg softly. She snuggled back into him and kissed his arm in front of her, sighing happily,

"Mmmm, that was nice- that was really, really nice. Like, on a scale of niceness, I would rate that to be… just.. Wow. Not that we ever had any issues in this area… and you know what they say, it's like riding a bike… I mean… obviously… I didn't mean it's like riding... "

She could hear the smile in his voice as he kissed the back of her shoulder. "Felicity?"

"Yeah?"

"I have never been happier or more terrified in my life."

She turned around now, wanting to look him in the eye.

"I know exactly what you mean." She leaned in to kiss him, slowly and tenderly, just wanting to feel his lips against her's for another moment before just closing her eyes and going back to sleep- feeling safe and loved and happy.


	11. Queens To Welcome A Prince?

A/N: Sorry folks, I just realized there was something of a mixup in the posting of this- two small chapters (Chapter 4: Princess Flissa and Chapter 10: Safe in Your Arms) weren't showing up. I don't think they dramatically change the story, they were relatively "fluffy". Really apologize for any confusion.

* * *

Felicity was going to murder him. That's it, all of the progress, gone. Things had been going so well, they had been so happy for the last month, some of the best moments of his life. Dig was back stateside and starting to move around better as he recovered from his injuries and it was good to have him around again. Oliver was working a lot of hours but had spent almost every night back in the loft since the night Sara had been sick last month. Felicity was getting her business together, she and Curtis had some promising young lawyer who thought that they had the case for at least majority ownership of the patent on the spinal implant.

Two nights ago Oliver and Felicity had been at a local Chamber of Commerce event and it had been boring as all hell- but Felicity and he had managed to sneak off to a room for some incredibly hot sex (God, he could still remember exactly how it felt when he had backed her up against the wall and held both of her hands above her with one of his, the look of surprise and lust… Fuck, he was getting hard all over again. He had held her hand until the emerald ring had dug into his palm- initially that had been kind of hot, but after a minute it was bit much and he had sucked it off her finger, putting it in his breast pocket).

They had been stopped twice on the way out of the event- questions about married life, about her new business venture, about her thoughts on his nickname, "Mayor Handsome", etc. They had been photographed a few times- she was really getting the hang of how to dodge questions she didn't want to answer and how to handle the neverending flashes he had dealt with the bulk of his life. He had kissed her and whispered something to her about how amazing she was and he loved her. It had been a great night, one of the best- and then he saw this morning's paper.

 _Queens to Welcome a Prince?_

 _Is Star City's power couple soon to be celebrating the arrival of their first child? Rumors are flying since their recent appearance at the Chamber of Commerce Mix and Mingle where it was noted that she was not only sporting a potential baby bump, but also her rings were missing for the first time in public- is it possible they're too small at the moment?_

 _Since their marriage earlier this year the young couple has been seen out and about at various official galas, romantic date nights and even playing in the park with their three-year old Goddaughter, Sara Diggle. It is obvious to even the casual observer that this couple has been hoping for their own child. In fact, sources close to the couple report that their intense desire for a large family was the major factor in their unusually short engagement._

The picture of her had two yellow circles drawn- one around her stomach… she had complained that the dress didn't fit well, it was too big and needed to be tailored, but they had taken a little long getting ready- since he got home as she was coming out of the shower and had spent the next 20 minutes thoroughly licking every inch of her body, she didn't have much time to re-think the new dress. There was another yellow circle and a red arrow on her naked hand, pointing to the naked ring finger specifically.

He was totally fucked. She was going to kill him.

He had just convinced her that despite the fact that they were, technically- by a strictly semantic definition, taking things slowly… according to the tabloids, she was now having their first of, apparently, MANY children. She was going to freak the fuck out, he was dead. Any minute she was going to come storming into his office and yell out him- just like she had the day that letter about their marriage came.

He stared at the picture in the paper, trying to figure out how they saw anything that resembled a "bump" on her. She had one of the flattest stomachs of anyone he'd ever known. In fact, part of what happened that night was the way that he physically hadn't been able to handle how incredibly gorgeous her entire body was- he couldn't keep himself from putting his hands and his lips all over it. He actually took a moment to google "baby bump" and "pregnant + rings don't fit" to figure out what the article was actually talking about- how the hell was he supposed to just automatically know all of this? Was this all really a thing that people followed and cared about? He was trying to think about anytime in his life that he ever bothered to look at the newspaper for gossip on celebrity hookups and coming on totally blank. Then again, having been the subject of those kinds of columns throughout his life, maybe he was just less interested in what he knew to be rarely factual stories.

But ultimately, it didn't matter- five of the best weeks of his life were now completely gone- he was going to put on his green uniform, grab a bow and some arrows, and head over to the newspaper office- it would make him feel better to have a little chat with this "journalist"- Sandra Keene, about passing along gossip and unsubstantiated rumors. He would put a shiny arrow right through that woman's computer and then maybe her hands- keep her from typing such scurrilous lies.

Rumors had swirled about him his entire life- being a Queen meant being fodder for the paparazzi and celebrity gossips. But bringing Felicity into them? She had never loved the spotlight, nor had she been brought up to be in it and had to learn to just adapt. He knew one of the hardest things for her during their relationship had been learning to exist in that world that lacked boundaries and personal space. What do you do when things like this happen? Get in front of them- address the allegations head on, use facts that are difficult to misinterpret, and don't let it get you down. These rules had been pretty well drilled into him since the first time he and Tommy had borrowed Malcolm's Maserati and wrapped it around a tree- at the age of 15. So, he had to go home and get the facts, contact his PR person and get this out.

"Shit." Felicity was sitting at home and looking over the text messages she had now received from 7 different people. One of them had been her mother who had freaked out over the phone- having seen the story she was dying to know if it was true. Felicity wasn't actually certain if Donna was more excited over the prospect of Felicity and Oliver being back together or the idea of her getting a grandchild… OR, maybe, the concept of Felicity getting fat and her mom officially being the "hotter" of the two when she lied and said they were sisters the few times Felicity had actually spent with her mother in a bar.

Oliver had tried to call three times that morning- and Felicity had rejected every single one, not checking her messages or anything, she just wasn't ready to talk to him. When the doorbell rang incessantly over two minutes, she understood that there wasn't much to be done and forced herself to answer it. She looked through the peephole and sighed as she opened the door. Oliver looked so meek and worried- he was so scared of her reaction, so willing to do anything in penance- she wasn't going to let herself get caught up in that fantasy- no sir.

"Felicity, before you say anything, I'm so sorry. I have no idea where any of this came from. I swear, I didn't say anything like this to anyone. I already talked to Thea and she didn't either, nor does she know where it came from. I'm so incredibly sorry for what they posted and Thea is working on a statement to release from my office about the dangers of indulging in scurrilous gossip and hurtful comments- that you and I are very private people, our relationship and any plans for a family are strictly between us and not available for public fodder. I swear, I'm doing everything I can think of to kill the rumors and if you can think of anything we're missing, just say it and we'll do what we can."

Felicity looked at Oliver, God was he a handsome man- dimples, exactly the right amount of stubble on his chin, and those piercing blue eyes that she'd never really get over. She sighed and let him in the loft, gesturing for him to sit on the couch and relax.

"Do you want anything to drink? I've got beer, wine, a single malt Glen-something, 18 years old I think… oh, and of course I have that Russian potato vodka you love so much, no one has touched that in months."

"Ummm, a beer is good- so long as it isn't an IPA or one of those weird fruit things you keep trying to convince me is beer." This was unusual, she was being awfully understanding and cool about the whole situation.

She rolled her eyes at that one. "I never said that cider was a beer, I just said that it isn't _that_ bad and at least my gluten free friends can enjoy it."

"And you have that many gluten free friends all of a sudden?"

"Hey, this is Star City and you never know- it's a crunchy, granola kind of town, weird to get used to." She walked up to him, a perfectly respectable and open bottle of beer in her hand for him. She was carrying a glass of orange juice for herself- a little odd given Felicity's general dislike of anything even close to healthy, but he was kind of relieved to see her drinking something that resembled a natural ingredient, so he let it slide.

"Hey, I really want you to know that I didn't have anything to do with this article- you believe me, right? I'll go after the columnist who put that in there, I'll put on my hood and find every single one of their "sources" and put an arrow through them if they don't instantly…"

"Oliver, it's fine." He stared up at her, blankly.

"It is?" She really wanted to laugh at his adorably confused face. She came over and kissed him- lightly while nodding- was this a trap? Then he noticed a look in her eyes- she was nervous. "You're being awfully cool about this. I thought you were going to murder me when you saw it." She shrugged her shoulders at him,

"It's not the first time since I met you that I've heard rumours about me- it's not the first time those rumours were from "journalists" on celebrity gossip sites- I mean, when I was your EA the number of "sources" who said we were sleeping together… and that was back when I actually wanted to be sleeping with you but you were too busy with- other people- to notice. It's fine."

He took a deep breath, glad that she wasn't going to murder him, that she wasn't even going to yell at him. But she was definitely acting odd- maybe it was fine that this article existed, but she'd normally at least be mocking it- or upset about the bump comment. That must have been an expensive dress that she was now being mocked while wearing, but she was so calm. "Well, I've got my office working on a statement denying the rumor and asking again for the public to respect our privacy, either way."

Felicity took a deep breath, it was now or never to tell him, she kind of wished she knew something at this point, but she didn't, and maybe it was better this way, that they would find out together.

"Well, you may want to hold off on that statement."

Again, with the look of confusion on him, she loved that he could be so smart sometimes and yet _so_ incredibly dense.

"What do you mean, hold off?" She was doing that thing where she twisted her bottom lip with her teeth- something that was normally so ridiculously hot to him, but right now he kind of felt like he was about to pass out.

"I need you to at least hold off for about five minutes, because I actually just got back from the drugstore and I have six pregnancy tests in my bathroom that I need to take."

"You mean, you're…? I mean, how?"

"Oliver, I'm guessing that somewhere along the line, _someone_ explained to you that your favorite extracurricular activity could, in certain cases, lead to pregnancy. It's actually kind of a big deal- they have videos and cartoons and posters in health rooms all over the schools that remind you of that."

"No, I mean- I just mean, with us- how…? We were very careful, every single time." And good Lord, in the last few weeks there had been quite a few times- chemistry had never been a problem for them, and they both seemed to need to make up for lost time after months of self-imposed celibacy.

"We were careful, but not redundant or fool proof Oliver. We probably should have used condoms- but didn't, it was always just me on the pill which is effective, but not 100%. And let's not forget, I don't know anything yet, I just know that I'm late, and you know me, I'm punctual; I like routine and I stick with it. You're the one who doesn't care about schedules or timetables, you're the one who can live like that, not me! So the very fact that I didn't realize all of this until this morning when I saw that story in the paper… I mean, that just isn't like me- is it?" Her eyes were darting back and forth and she sounded a bit short of breath, almost hysterical as her voice pitched higher and higher.

"Felicity, Honey, you're spinning out right now, and I really need you to take a breath, please." He stood up and his hands were on her shoulders, he was trying to look her in the eye, but she refused to look up at him- because she was on the verge of breaking down into tears and really didn't want to do that right here, in front of him. He took her face in his hands and made her look him in the eyes, tears pooling in her's.

"I'm sorry, Oliver- I'm so sorry."

"What? What on earth are you sorry about?"

"I just mean, that if I am-"

"Whoa! Felicity- look, I may not be an expert in biology or anything, but I'm pretty sure that this was pretty much a joint action- _if_ you're…" He couldn't quite bring himself to say the word. " _If_ it's true, it would be awfully mean to blame you for something that couldn't possibly have happened without both of us."

"I know _that._ I mean, I _know_ it, but I also know that it's not what we need right now. We were just starting to connect again, and the last weeks have been absolutely amazing, they've been fantastic actually. But you and I have had no time to think about this, we haven't gotten to talk about where we stand or what our future is. I mean, even when we were together, we didn't really have this conversation, which I'm realizing in retrospect was actually probably a bit irresponsible for two sexually active adults like us, especially adults as active as we are... but, well, you can't be an after school special all of the time, can you?" She was interrupted by Oliver grabbing her and kissing her- thoroughly, desperately.

He pulled away from her, her face still between his hands. "Felicity, I think maybe, this entire conversation would be much simpler if there was an answer- I mean, isn't it kind of a binary thing- you are or you aren't? Maybe we should stop dealing with hypotheticals and start living in the moment. You and I? We don't always do so well with "what if" situations." She nodded her head and left the room- as a woman, she was not particularly adept at trying to aim her pee onto something, and this was a particularly weird train of thought for someone who could actually be on the verge of finding out she was going to be a mom, but any distraction of thought was welcome right now.

When she was done taking the test and letting them sit for the requisite three minutes, she went back out to the living room. Oliver joined her out there, sitting on the couch.

"You know, you never told me how you felt about kids. Not really- I mean, I know that you like them, but…" Why was he rambling? That was supposed to be Felicity's thing. But he was nervous, he knew that hypothetically she had always liked kids, but he knew it was very different liking kids, and wanting them yourself.

"Me? Kids? I mean- I, uh, I _think_ that I want them. I don't really know how many or when or anything like that, but, yeah, whenever I imagined my life, at some point I assumed I would have them. I just always kind of assumed that I'd be in a long-term committed relationship- ideally, married to their father actually. But yeah, I think- I think I want to- have kids, that is. I just would probably prefer that you and I were, you know, not just barely, sort of and unofficially back together."

He looked at her smiling, looking hopeful. "Are we back together?"

Oh, man, this was going to be a night of a lot of tough truth, wasn't it? She blushed a bit under his gaze, he was holding his breath.

"Well… I'm not saying that we're all for better or worse' _yet_ … but I'd be willing to admit to a monogamous, committed relationship that could, ultimately, hopefully, maybe catch up to our actual, technical, legal married status. Some day."

"So, that means you're my girlfriend?"

"What a strange question for you to ask your wife." Wow, they really did live complicated lives, didn't they? "I mean, I would say that, for the time being, _in private_ \- yes, you may absolutely refer to me as your girlfriend. I mean, weirdly, in public you have to acknowledge me as your wife or your whole campaign strategy is somewhat shot to hell. But, yes, I think calling me your girlfriend is allowed." Just as she leaned in to kiss him, they were interrupted by a loud, sudden song blaring from the table.

"Is that the _Dr. Who_ theme song?" Oliver had to ask.

"Hey! It's my ringtone- I didn't get a lot of calls these days, usually just texts, but the song makes me happy, so it's also my alarm and I set it for the tests. That's the "ding, chicken's done" sound. You know, that Sword of Damocles just fell... I'm not going to say was thrust in- that seems... you know, creepy and gross... So maybe I should go with some kind of 'Dead Man Walking' analogy, but I'll be honest I never made it all the way through that movie- it was pretty upsetting. I mea, I'm sure in a good way, I think it probably felt very real and touching to a lot of people, but I couldn't really make it through... and I'm really going off the deep end on this ramble aren't I? Yeah, it's just that in a few seconds our entire lives could change, so I'm just trying to get up the guts to go and check, which I swear I'll do, in 3-2-1... I'm going to just.. go and… yeah, I should go and look at them." They were staring at each other, she was trying to swallow but it wasn't coming naturally and she was having trouble finding finding her legs- she was shaking just a little bit but trying to play it oh so cool.

She looked at Oliver and thank God he looked almost as panicked as she was; if he had been calm about this she would have had to scratch his face off, because she was trying to play it off as just part of doing business (so to speak), but the idea that she might be pregnant with her husband/ex/boyfriend/who-the-hell-know's child, was really an awful lot of pressure for this very nascent relationship to handle at the moment.

As she stood and walked to her bathroom she was asking herself the same thing Oliver had. Did she want kids? Yeah, of course, she had always assumed it would happen; but that didn't mean that she had ever actually thought much about what that would mean for her life. She wasn't the typical girl, she had been so busy kicking ass in school and graduating two years early from high school, then with a masters degree from MIT a few years later- she hadn't spent all that much time thinking about a wedding or kids or a family or anything- she still didn't know if she wanted a dog- something she'd thought about for 5 years! She didn't know what she would name her kids, or what kind of nursery decor she would pick. Seriously, come on! She spent the bulk of her nights in the lair of a Vigilante, hacking federal databases- it wasn't exactly the warmest of environments to raise a child in.

But, she loved Sara Diggle. And the few girlfriends she had that had kids, she really loved being some kind of Aunt Felicity. And absolutely, sometimes she thought about what her and Oliver's kid might look like- blue eyes, blonde hair (whether natural or not)- they would be a weird combo of smart and jock, probably. But that was really the most she had ever thought about the topic. Not that they might have 2 or 3 kids. You know, a girl and a boy and MAYBE one other of either. She kind of thought that maybe they could have a girl named Maggie- after Margaret Mead? Or She kind of liked Stephen or Alan for boys- don't worry about the fact that those were based on Steve Wozniak or Alan Turing- the Gods of Computers.

 _Smoak, you're done fantasizing, it's time to look. If only she knew which way she was hoping this would go._


	12. Maybe Baby?

A/N: Once again, SO sorry for all the confusion and weirdness. I realized the story was missing a chapter in the middle, so I had to upload that and re-order everything and it just was messier than it should have been. Hopefully we're ok and it's smooth from here on out.

* * *

Since his time on the island, it took a lot to catch Oliver off guard- Felicity had just done it though- in a pretty big way. Pregnant. With his baby. Maybe. That was a lot to digest.

On the one hand, it sounded fucking awesome- him, Felicity, raising a child together- they would be a family- that was really all that he had ever wanted. He pictured her pregnant, glowing, him doing midnight runs for her crazy cravings, them fighting over names and nursery colors… He wanted to be there for soccer games, ballet recitals, school plays. He could picture two little girls running around with blond hair, blue eyes and glasses- mini-Felicity Smoaks, and that mental image made him grin like an idiot.

But they had _just_ started to make progress repairing things between them. And even when they had been busy planning their wedding, he had imagined that kids were a little further in the offing- they actually hadn't really talked about having kids, well, nothing beyond acknowledging they planned to at some point. God, but that time they had spent together after Sara was out of the hospital, the two days they all snuggled up on the couch watching Disney movies- they had definitely changed since when Thea was still watching them- he'd loved watching Toy Story 3, Lilo & Stitch (despite Felicity's issues with the "sloppy science" of space travel they had used), Finding Nemo- he'd loved every second of their two days. Not to mention, his heart turned to mush as he watched Felicity so lovingly care for baby Sara, bringing her popsicle after popsicle, juice and blanket after blanket, soothing her warm forehead and kissing the top of her head absently as she watched movies. Oliver would have happily started on their own family that night if she had asked.

But, now he was the Mayor of a struggling city, she was just barely walking again and trying to start a company, and that wasn't even taking into consideration their evening activities. How could they possibly manage all of that right now, with a child? Would there be any issues with her spinal implant during the pregnancy? Would she still be able to be Overwatch? What would they do about the baby once it was born when they had to be at the lair- they didn't have Dig or Thea anymore to help them out so nights off were much more rare than ever. And what would happen if someone tried to come after them? Tried to come after Felicity and their child? What if he had to send them away, like he did William. He had promised Felicity he would never do something like that to her- and he knew that promise was the only way she had given in and begun to trust him in the least... but he didn't even have them yet and he was having a panic attack over their safety in a hypothetical life-threatening situation.

 _You need to breathe, Oliver. This is you and Felicity, you two can handle anything together._ But could they? He had really messed up how he handled everything with his son. She was JUST beginning to trust him again, she was letting down her guard, and he wanted that to grow and continue- he didn't want to this into the mix. That was so much pressure for them. He also didn't want the baby to be the only reason they were together- he didn't want her to feel obligated to be with him. That wouldn't be good for them, for the baby- it just seemed like a bad idea. A really amazing, wonder, horrible, terrible idea. And what in all hell was taking so long?

"Felicity- you're kind of taking a while back there and the suspense is sort of killing me." She walked out of the bathroom, down the hallway with a completely unreadable look on her face.

"Good news- sword dodged- or bullet dodged- boulder dodged? I always forget what exactly it is that one dodges- in my experience, arrows are the most common, but I don't think I live the most normal life."

"So- no baby?" He was looking at her, trying to figure out how she felt about this- fuck, he didn't know how he felt about it, but he needed to know what was going on with her. Her face was somewhat unreadable, she was hiding some emotion from him, but he had no idea what it was. And then she just looked down like she was re-setting and lifted her face with a big, bright smile- that did not show in her eyes.

"Nope, no baby. We're good- everything is fine, and this is just- it's good. We can just keep going, no distractions, no big, major decisions- nothing. I mean, we may want to be more careful going forward- but this is good. This is definitely a relief. You don't have to worry. And look, no morning sickness or giant stretch marks and crazy hormones. And God, I already eat like a pregnant person half the time and the midnight cravings and the fights with you over trying to make me eat healthy foods... Ugh, adding pregnancy into that mix just wouldn't be a great move." She was just being so strange, and he knew that it was rarely good news when she babbled in incomplete sentences. At least, it hadn't been a good thing in the last few months- he remembered a time when her random, awkward ramblings and incoherence had been the most adorable thing about her.

He tried to look her in the eye. "Why do I feel like I did something very wrong here?" She wasn't exactly celebrating NOT being knocked up… and now she was ducking her head, keeping him from seeing her face. Was she… was she crying?

"Felicity? What is it? I'm really confused right now- are you ok?" He tried pulling her chin up with his forefinger and thumb, making her look at him. She had tears in her eyes and she looked so lost and confused and a little bit hurt.

"No, you're fine, Oliver, it's fine. I mean, this is better than fine- I'm just- I'm being so stupid. Seriously, ever since I realized today that I was late I was dreading the tests, I was dreading telling you, I was so worried about the possibilities and… I mean, come on- it's INSANE, right? It's completely crazy! We just barely started being anything again, you can't just throw a baby into that! A pregnancy? I mean, I barely survived a few days with Sara, much less my own tiny little human! And we have so much to work out before we even _think_ about kids, and this is good. This is much better. It's good- it couldn't have gone better."

"See, Felicity, Honey, you're saying all of these things that sound like this is a very good thing, can you maybe see why I'm confused that you're upset and crying while listing these reasons why it's great it worked out so well?" He was trying to search her eyes, where he usually could read her thoughts- to him she was usually an open book. But now, the only thing that made _any_ sense in his head was something that was completely ridiculous.

"Felicity, did you WANT to be pregnant?" Swear to God, if she said yes he was going to throw her on the floor right now and fuck her every which way possible until she was- reason, logic and practicalities be damned, the very thought that of her _wanting_ to have a child with him was enough to completely outweigh any reservations he may have.

But, she was just all out crying at this point, not even trying to hide it from him anymore.

"No, God, Oliver, no." Now she looked awfully freaked out the thought, this was so confusing- wasn't she supposed to only be crazy and emotional like this if she _were_ pregnant? "No, I mean, of course I didn't. It would be insane right now for us- while we're just starting to figure things out- trying to see whether we can work through everything. And you and I have very complicated lives at this point and a child is just SO not what we should be doing right now- I mean, we barely considered or talked about it even when we were planning to- you know- I mean…" She was floundering, he decided to do the humane thing and kiss her, right then- put her out of her misery. But as soon as he did, she was pulling him to her- ferociously. She was grasping at his shirt, pulling him as close to her as possible, her tongue pushing into his mouth, she was biting at his tongue, at his lips, nibbling on his chin and neck as she threw him down on the couch- wanting him and needing him desperately.

It felt amazing- absolutely incredible. But it also felt… wrong? "Felicity- wait! Felicity!" Since when did Oliver Queen actually reject a woman's advances- especially this woman's? Today was turning into a bit of a topsy-turvy, through the looking glass kind of day for him. He gently pushed her away and held her face in his hands, searching her eyes for a hint as to what was happening right now. She was trying to avoid his gaze, twisting her bottom lip with her teeth, and tears were definitely coming down her face again.

"Felicity, just please, talk to me. Remember, we agreed, no secrets" She sighed, kicking herself a little for the conversation they had a few nights ago, promising they'd never keep secrets from each other again.

"It's just that, the last few weeks have been so amazing- I've been really, really happy."

"And that's making you cry?"

"It's just, sometimes I can almost close my eyes and pretend that nothing happened- that those 6 months of us being apart were some bad dream and we _are_ married and maybe starting to talk about kids and a family, and maybe we just… I don't know. Ever since I found out we were technically married, I had moments where I had to wonder if it was a sign from the Universe- that no matter what, you and I were supposed to be together and I needed to stop fighting it, stop being so angry at you, to try and learn to trust you again…

"And then, this happened- or didn't happen, I guess. And for a second I just thought- OK, this is obviously the entire cosmos trying to make a point- this is endgame, stop avoiding it." She looked up at him, cheeks tearstained, puffy eyes, she was not one of those girls who could look gorgeous crying. "So, I guess that when I wasn't, it just… I don't know, I'm being an idiot- I fully admit that." He grabbed her hands in his, lacing their fingers together and squeezing as he looked into her eyes.

"Look, I don't need a sign from anyone or anything, Felicity- you _are_ my endgame. And yeah, I'll admit, the idea of you being pregnant, with my child… sure, I got caught up in that for a minute there." He smiled, thinking- "I can't believe I came over here tonight thinking that you were literally going to cut off my manhood for the story about you… and then…" He shook his head, life right now was just too strange and ironic for him, all he could do was laugh and try to survive it. "But I don't want you to be with me because the Universe wants it, or because there is a baby on the way or any of it. I want you to be with me because you've decided you really can forgive me and you do trust me and you love me and want to be with me forever."

"I'm working on it, Oliver. I'm getting there."

"Good, that's more than I could have ever hoped for or expected from you." He leaned back against the couch and pulled her into him, holding her with both arms, tightly. After a few minutes of comfortable silence she started to giggle. "What? What's so funny?"

"I just wish you could have seen your face when I told you I was late. It was just… you literally froze, I've never seen anything quite like it- you were talking and apologizing and I told you and you just- boom. Frozen. I kind of expected you to go running straight out the door like the Roadrunner does, but you just…" And now he was laughing.

"Well, in all fairness, it was a pretty big surprise."

"Yeah, tell me about it! And I had six hours longer than you to process it. That's how long it took me to convince myself to go and get the damn tests, and then another hour before I actually psyched myself up enough to take them. I just kept spinning out thinking about everything- what if I was? How would I tell you? How would I tell my mother?"

"I love that you sound slightly more scared of your mother's reaction than mine."

"Well, in all fairness the fear there is more about how the hell I would ever get rid of her again if she had a grandchild- she'd pretty much become a permanent houseguest. Well, at least that could save us money on a nanny, I suppose."

"I don't know, I think maybe a nanny would be worth it- that sounds like a lot of Mama Smoak." At least they were laughing about it, joking- but he wanted to say something before the moment really passed.

"You know, Felicity, you shouldn't have been anxious about telling me. I mean, just in case we're ever in the same situation again, I'm sure I'd be surprised and probably more than a little terrified… but I'd also be so fucking happy that none of that even matters." She looked up at him, still snuggled up against his side, her hand holding onto his arms that were around her.

"Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd really like to try and avoid another one of these scares for a while. I don't know that I'm ready to deal with Little Ian and Gwynn just yet."

"Wait, Ian and Gwynn? You want to name our kids Ian and Gwynn." Shit, she had not intended to tell him that part. She turned and buried her face in his side so he couldn't see how incredibly bright pink her face was- WHY did she have so much trouble filtering? It really was the worst curse ever. And now he was laughing- silently, but she could feel him shaking against her- and that just made her a little mad.

"What's wrong with the names Ian and Gwynn?"

"For starters, I didn't realize we were having these two hypothetical children in Camelot."

"Come on, they're great names!"

"Why do I have a weird feeling that they're from Dr. Who or something like that?"

"Oooh, you know what, I kind of like Clara…" She was smiling at him, enjoying this easy, teasing banter. "Wait- did you ever sleep with a Clara?" Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, "Because that might seriously affect my decisions here."

"Felicity, I have no answer to that question that doesn't make me sound like the worst manwhore on the planet." That made her sit up fast.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean? You can't say something like that and leave it there!" For a nice change of pace, Oliver's face was turning bright red as he blushed- he looked like he was going to die from embarrassment. "Oliver Jonas Queen, I'm really going to need an explanation of that statement, post haste."

"No, I can't- I wasn't thinking Felicity, I just blurted it out."

"Yeah, I know how that is- I also know that if I had said something like that, you'd be interrogating me Green Arrow style at this point to figure out what I meant by it." She was smiling, mostly- she looked a little nervous, but mostly amused. "Hey, remember, total honesty- that's what we agreed to."

"Felicity, that's for things that we _need_ to know about each other- not things that are in the past and will remain in the past- a past that was over way before I met you." He tried to lean in and distract her by kissing her neck, which, historically, had about a 99% success rate. But she slapped him away playfully and crossed her arms in front of her, pouting.

"Nope, sorry, you don't get to decide what is "Need to Know" here, so- Oliver, what exactly do you mean by the statement that answering my question will make you sound like a manwhore?" He sighed, still blushing, knowing he wasn't getting out of this.

"So, before I met you, I had a bit of a reputation- you may recall reading about it in various gossip blogs and tabloids."

"Yes, I think I'm familiar with your reputation. I assume you're about to tell me there was quite a bit of truth to it?" He sighed, this was not a conversation he had ever wanted to have. Ever.

"Before the island, I was a straight up dick- Tommy and I would actually keep score of our conquests."

"How charming the two of you must have been." Was that a little more biting? Probably, but that's ok, he wasn't exactly proud of that stuff anymore.

"So, one summer we decided to make it more interesting."

"Make what more interesting? Because, I'm sorry, if you mean sex, then I have to say I think you were doing it wrong if you guys were getting so bored with it."

"Well, we _were_ doing it wrong." That stopped her- she had imagined he'd make some kind of comment about proving to her how right he could do it… But he just leaned in, eyes locked on her, maybe two inches from her lips, and said, "I had no idea before you, how amazing sex could be. Not just because of how incredible you are at it- although that is a definite plus- but because I had no idea how incredible being insanely in love with someone could make it… just so much more, so much better- and _you_ are the _only_ person I plan to ever experience it with- ever again." And that was it, Felicity was just a melting pile of goo after that- holy shit, that was a good line. She blinked at him, looking particularly owl like and he smiled and pulled away just a bit, resuming his story as though he hadn't actually just said that.

"Anyways, we made a game one month, we each had to sleep our way through the alphabet- 26 girls, first letter of their first name. AND they had to be different names- so if I slept with an Alyssa, he couldn't use an Alyssa for his."

"Wait, are you serious?"

"I'm afraid so. First person to 26 won."

"Do I even want to know who won?" He was looking away from her, his face, neck- even the tips of his ears, deep shades of red and she couldn't help but find it a little funny. "Well, hopefully the prize included a sizeable dose of antibiotics for anything you picked up while working on your alphabet. So, is it safe to assume that Clara was the C?"

"Well, Tommy had already hooked up with a Caitlin, and I thought this other girl was Catherine with a C- but she actually used a K, so it ended up being a much tougher letter to find than I had expected and it took me a long time to find another C name- it was actually the last letter I got."

"You know, a simple 'yes, I slept with a Clara' would have worked."

"Well, I'm pretty sure it was Clara. It's possible it was Cara or Claire."

"You, Oliver Queen, were a complete, total, 100% Grade A douchebag of the most disgusting order."

"Oh come on, you never did stupid stuff like that in college?" That made her snort as she stared at him.

"Oh yeah, because I was exactly the kind of girl that makes men go so crazy she had an endless smorgasbord of man meat available to me."

"Smorgasbord of man meat?" He raised one eyebrow at her.

"Oh, no, this is not about the embarrassing thing I just said- not when you have a sex history that reads a bit more like some kind of ancient Babylonian King… or Ron Jeremy."

"Ouch!"

"I mean, come on, what's your number?"

"My number?"

"How many women have there been? Ballpark it- obviously 26 from that summer, and Laurel and Sara and Shadoe and Isabel and Helena…wow, suddenly I'm realizing that we may need some NASA level computer equipment to solve for X."

"Felicity, I told you, I am not at all proud of the guy I was back then- Ollie Queen, billionaire playboy who was so busy putting together a 50-state version of the alphabet game with Tommy that I dropped out of Princeton to be able to have the time to dedicate to that incredibly important task."

"Fifty states? You mean… one girl from each state? God, Oliver, you were a fucking pig!"

"How the fuck did we get into this conversation anyway? I feel like prior bad behavior shouldn't be used against me at this point, isn't there a statute of limitations on things like this?"

"So, you've basically slept with, what? Conservative guess, 200 women? 300? AND were in a five year relationship with Laurel. Wow." She seemed kind of deflated right now and Oliver was really praying that this was not the moment she decided she was done. But they had promised total honesty.

"Do I get ANY credit for being honest about this despite the fact that I knew it it was going to end really poorly for me?" She just looked upset- fuck, how could he have been so stupid- he didn't have to give her nearly as much detail as he had, that was just stupid.

"Felicity, look, I swear to God, they meant nothing to me." Huh, that didn't sound like it was going to help in this situation at all- why was that supposed to be better? "And, by the way, in case you forgot, YOU are the ONLY person I ever want to be with, ever again- they were all just… what's the line? "What's past is prologue"... if I hadn't been such a terrible human being back then, I wouldn't have ended up in Lian Yu and become the Arrow and I never would have met you- or appreciated you for the amazing, beautiful, incredibly sexy woman that you are. So it's unfortunate, but it's what made me this guy who gets to be with you." But she was still refusing to make eye contact with him- she seemed upset, but not mad or angry. What in the hell was bothering her?

"Felicity, what's going on? Remember, total honesty." She just looked away from him and he pulled her back to him by her chin so she had to look. "What is it? You don't seem angry. But you're definitely upset." She sighed.

"It's just… wow, I always knew you were experienced, and for the record, whatever, I know you were a pig back then and that you aren't the same guy. But- wow, your history makes me feel so self-conscious of my own paltry past."

"What do you mean? I mean, call me crazy, but I think we can all agree my past is far from what I would call normal or even healthy." He smiled a little, realizing something. "Wow, we never had that talk, did we?"

"What talk?"

"You know, like in TV and movies, when couples get together, they go through that conversation about past… partners."

"Oliver, I don't think that's actually a thing- I am pretty sure that's a lame trope in bad sitcoms."

"See, Smoak, now you have me insanely curious. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm going to want to put an arrow in every single one of them, so hopefully it's under 24- that's the max amount I can carry in my quiver." She looked away, and he was relieved to see she was smiling a little, but also blushing as she kind of squirmed against him. He raised an eyebrow. "Come on, what is it? 20? 30?"

"20 or 30? Really Oliver? You think that when I talk about my 'paltry' history, I mean in the dozens? Do you know what the word paltry means?" She had her signature "stupid but oh so pretty" look- it had historically been pretty much reserved for him and just him.

"What, too high? REALLY?" His eyes went wide with shock, this was Felicity Smoak- she was easily the sexiest woman he'd ever met, and so incredibly smart and funny and adorable- and she wore those short skirts with killer stilettos and the bright, vibrant lips that only made him think about one… no, three things. She rolled her eyes at him, sighing in acceptance.

"If you must know, and apparently you must, it's seven."

He looked like if she tapped him with her pinky, he'd be knocked over. He was shocked. "Seven? How is that even possible?"

"What? Not all of us grew up impossibly gorgeous and with the self-confidence of Hugh Hefner."

"But you're- you're so incredibly beautiful and sexy and amazing- I would have imagined… I mean, good Lord, Felicity- you are the sexiest woman I've ever known!"

She laughed at his ridiculousness. It was kind of sweet, his conviction in her superiority- she got that his incredulity was a compliment, but it was still kind of weird, like he really thought she should have slept with a few dozen guys more than she had.

"Oliver, I was the scary goth computer nerd at a particularly below average high school in Las Vegas. I graduated from there two years early and started at MIT when I was 16. None of these things really added up to Prom Queen- I'm guessing, I didn't go to my prom."

"You didn't go to prom?" He didn't know why, but that made him a little sad.

"Again, Oliver, who was going to ask me? I was only 16, I BARELY even had boobs, I was small and pretty skinny and of course, the dark hair with purple stripes. So when I started at MIT, and I was so much younger than everyone else there- I mean, I couldn't go to the bars or clubs on weekends, I actually couldn't legally go to R rated movies. And I met Cooper, and that was so serious and riddled with angst, fueled by text-based online gaming, hacktivism, and crazy amounts of super-mediocre dorm room sex. Then he went to jail and I thought he was dead and I just went and re-focused myself on studying and didn't do much in the way of dating until school was done. I needed to focus, I need to finish with my scholarship in tact- no way could my mom afford any of the expenses of that school in Boston. Not to mention, I knew I had to get a good job right out of school. So, I dyed my hair, threw out all of my black miniskirts and mesh arm warmers, the combat boots and nerdy ironic t-shirts."

"I still don't know that I'll ever believe you were so… dark! Tell me, did you have a Marilyn Manson poster in your room?"

"It was slightly more Lillith Fair/Tori Amos type stuff to be honest- I wasn't angry or anything, just full of teen angst for being such a nerd and an outcast."

"Well, it just goes to show that neither of us are who we were back then- we both went through a lot and it changed us- and we wouldn't be who we were without those things. Not to mention, I may have, once or twice, fantasized a little about Goth Felicity- miniskirts, high boots, dark hair… I don't know… I could definitely see you working it." She just laughed and smiled at him, the look on her face being her patented, "You're absolutely, certifiably insane" look. But then she leaned in and kissed him, making a mental note that it MIGHT be something worth exploring in the future.


	13. Are You In Or Are You Out?

_Bzzz. Bzzz._ Ugh, someone's phone was vibrating and it wouldn't stop. Felicity opened one eye, catching the glare of the sun streaming in on her and the groan of Oliver in bed beside her, pulling her to him, trying to ignore the reality of a phone interrupting their morning. She leaned back into him, her naked body flush against his- they had worked out most of their feelings about the pregnancy scare last night, ironically by means that had caused the pregnancy scare, and they had been far too sated and exhausted to do anything but curl up and fall asleep after.

And now someone seemed determined to get ahold of one of them. Groaning, she got up and padded over to the phone- her phone was never so far away from her, but last night there had been a message alert while Oliver was particularly… occupied with her (and she had been genuinely enjoying the attentions of his tongue) and when she reached for the phone he beat her to it and threw it across the room. After that he had redoubled his energies with his tongue and she had fallen asleep- almost into a coma, actually, without getting up from the bed again, not even to retrieve her phone.

She found her phone in the corner of the room under Oliver's pants and her bra from the night before. She clicked the side and saw the messages, most of which merely made her roll her eyes- people asking about the gossip headlines from the night before that she was sporting a baby bump, etc.

But then, she saw the messages and the missed calls from one number.

"Oh no! Oh, fuckity fuck mcfuckerson, this is bad! Oooooh no!" She curled up on herself in the corner, not knowing how to deal with this one.

"Felicity?" He sat up, immediately looking protective and on his guard. "Honey, what's up?" He was out of the bed and ran over to her, holding her to him. "What is it? Talk to me, what's going on?" It wasn't particularly normal for Felicity to get that bad with cursing- she generally stuck to ass and frack.

Wordlessly she hit three buttons on her phone, her voicemail coming up.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Is my baby having a baby? Oh my god! I knew you wouldn't stay broken up for long- I know you told me that it was just for the campaign, but all the reports are saying it- and oh my god, I saw the bump and no ring- I didn't think you had just been gaining weight from all that pity ice cream! Well, Grammy Smoak is so excited to meet the little one- naughty you for not telling me, but I remember how good early pregnancy sex is- it's so important for the nesting instinct! Just let me know when I can come out and help you start prepping for my grandbaby!"

He just looked at her, knowing that this was obviously not how Felicity wanted any of it to go. That said, he was still in a headspace where even the idea that they were having a kid- that her mom was so excited about it- it all felt MORE good than bad. Until he looked at her, hunched over as she sat there on the carpet floor, moaning, "no, no, no…"

"Oh come on, Felicity- she took the news about our unconventional marriage fairly well- I'm sure she'll roll with this too."

"Oliver, you don't understand! I didn't really tell her all the ins and outs about this whole marriage thing. I think she believes that ultimately we've reconciled and are married and the idea of a grandbaby on the way is just way too much for Donna Smoak to move past! All she's ever wanted was for me to finally stop caring so much about computers and all that and dig in to find a good man and start a family. I get that- and I thought we were going to be there, or close by now, and I know that she's disappointed- and I have to go back and sort this out and I just- I don't know" And then she just dissolved into tears- angry tears. Hysterically, she was there, freaking out in his arms.

"Whoa, hey, Felicity, hold on a second, it isn't that bad- let's talk about this, can we?"

"Oliver, I'm just ruining everything for everyone! This fake marriage was fine, so long as it was just us. But I had lunch with Thea the other day and it's pretty clear that her hopes are as high as they get."

"But why the tears?" He didn't understand- things had been going so well between them and they had been so good the last six weeks or so- he knew she had been a bit hesitant to pass off the lie, but it hadn't seemed to upset her once since they made the choice. Thea, Dig, her mother- most of the important people to their lives knew the necessity of the subterfuge and happily went along with it. He had been thrilled to even be able to pretend, even if only in public, that it was true, and they had most certainly told Donna the whole story. And yeah,he had noticed that in the last few weeks, most people had seemed to believe less and less that it was a story for the press. He had been thrilled by how real and solid it was beginning to be, it was as though he and Felicity were so obviously meant to be that it would just happen, the fates would actually conspire to make it so.

"Oliver, even though I thought I was pretty clear with my mom, it seems that she isn't buying the story we gave her. If I don't call her soon, she's going to be selling her 2 bedroom condo in Vegas at a loss and moving here full time to be a grandmother. I'm just… it was one thing when it was just us, pretending with each other. But I forgot that when you're with Oliver Queen- it all goes much further than that. You and I don't necessarily get to just wait and see how things sort themselves out. God, we've been so fucking selfish."

Oliver opened his mouth to say something, to make some kind of comment, but she just picked herself up with her phone and went into the bathroom- locking the door- something she had literally never done, in case he was up and wanting to join her in the shower. He just stared after her, sighing, wanting to break the door down and make her talk, but he tried to just sit there and compose himself.

How long had he been waiting for this? It had been the best month or so of his life, but he had always known he was living on borrowed time- she was a person who needed trust and honesty more than anything- he couldn't fix what went wrong between them based on a lie and he had tried to pretend he could.

He had been hoping recently that he made up for lost time with her- that his confessions about William and Samantha, that his reaction to the possibility of a child with her- that all of the new honesty could erase what had happened between them. But he had forgotten the reality of being Oliver Queen- even before the island his behavior earned far more than it's share of scandal and front page center news. And now that he had survived five years in hell and been trying to reinvent himself from Ollie Queen- billionaire playboy to club owner to CEO of QC to candidate for Mayor, engaged to CEO of Palmer Tech…

But he'd always be who he was, wouldn't he? That's what had caused the problem in the first place. His inability to keep it in his pants, even when he had a girlfriend who was, by all accounts, the best thing to ever happen to him. Nope, it got too serious, he got another girl pregnant and took a THIRD girl (Girl One's sister) on a cruise of the North China Sea. And then, once he found out about his kid, his kid with Girl Two, wow- that had been… earth shattering for him. Never in his life (all 24 years of it) had Ollie Queen ever actually thought about having a child. Well, not true, some point in his life, with whichever supermodel he settled down with, he'd eventually have kids and nannies and do the typical super-rich version of the American dream.

But, now, nine years later and about one billion dollars poorer, Oliver had felt something in him click the night before- just the very idea that he and Felicity could have a child together, a family- that there would be a little bit of him, and (hopefully) a whole lot of her in another tiny human- that idea had been so appealing- it had been everything to him. He had fallen asleep, somewhat relieved that there was no Sword of Damocles hanging over their heads, but dreaming up future nursery plans and possible names (interestingly enough, neither Ian nor Gwynn appeared on his list) and had smiled throughout his dreams.

But the heavy sound of the click of the lock on the bathroom door weighed on Oliver more than he was able to handle. So far as he knew, no door had been locked in their entire relationship- it was an odd point of pride he'd always felt in their relationship. Maybe she just needed time- not something he was thrilled about, but he certainly wasn't willing to push her further, thus pushing himself out of her life. Slowly and sadly he stood, gathering his clothes from the night before and decided to just give her the space she seemed to want and need.

Before he left he set the coffee maker- knowing she was fairly hopeless without at least two cups in her system, and sent a text. "Felicity: I'm sorry for all the complications- please know it's been the best 5 weeks of my life, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Let me know when/if you want to talk." And if she didn't? Well, Oliver was pretty sure he knew a good, very discrete lawyer who could help them out of their mess, if that was what she needed to be happy- he would never again do anything to stand in the way of her happiness.

-  
What was she going to do? Felicity spent at least 40 minutes in the shower, something she did when she didn't know how to handle what was happening outside of the shower. It wasn't that she didn't love Oliver- she did, fiercely. It wasn't that she was mad at her mom for reading the gossip columns and instead of asking her directly, assumed that the bad dress she had worn in the picture didn't make her fat, but pregnant.

And by the way, hadn't she just cried the night before, to Oliver, because she wasn't pregnant? AGAIN, it wasn't that she wanted to be pregnant with his kid- or anyone's kid! She really loved her job, her life- especially with Oliver back in it- why would she ever want to rock that boat right now? So why had her mom's text thrown her so off? She was only 27- theoretically speaking, she had at least another 12 years in which to have kids- she had no reason to think otherwise. And even if she wasn't Fertile Myrtle, she'd be thrilled with adopting about 100 kids from nearby foster care programs, sometimes that sounded even better- she'd love to give those kids the kind of life that they couldn't even dream of!

But Oliver's reaction, especially his reaction to her mother's reaction… that had been a lot- he looked so hopeful. And her mother was going to be crushed- not just about no grandbaby, but that she and Oliver weren't fixed. She was hurting people, because in the last 5 or 6 weeks, they hadn't talked about what was happening with anyone. She wanted to be totally honest with everyone so that no one could get upset if it didn't work out. She had forgiven Oliver for how he handled the situation with his son- well, mostly forgiven him- that was going to be a long process, but she was working on it. They were trying to rebuild the trust and that was her hesitation right? She had been trying to make sure they could actually move past all that had happened and she needed time to see, to be sure, to know. But everyone could see how happy he was and they were all getting happy and expectations were so high and now… if it ended, if it didn't work out, it was all her fault.

Fuck. That was it wasn't it? _Smoak- you need to make a call, are you in, or are you out?_ She knew him, she loved him, they already were a family. What could he possibly do at this point to really prove that he would never exclude her or lie to her again? So far as either was aware, there would be no more illegitimate children knocking on his door, no opportunities for him to relive that situation and do it right. _(Well, theoretically, with Barry's help they could… nope, not helpful Smoak.)_ Last night, the idea that they were having a baby had given her a reason to move past everything, to push her off the cliff and just hope he caught her again- because she did know, that no matter what, he would always be there for his kid. And it gave her cover- she could still be mad at him about everything, but wasn't she just so big and kind and forgiving to take him back?

 _Yeah, but is that really how you want it Felicity? You want him walking on eggshells, never feeling good enough for you or your family? That sounds like a great relationship to you? Or do you want the man you love- incredibly flawed, but one who actually tries, who learns... eventually?_ It was almost like she could hear Dig's voice saying it to her- that's exactly what he'd be pointing out if he were here right now. Well, not here, since she was naked and in the shower, and that would be so weird on so many levels- he'd probably be yelling at her to cover up instead of talking about her and Oliver's relationship.

 _Ultimately, Oliver screwed up, but he doesn't deserve this ambiguity- are you going to forgive and forget and be together, or are you going to make yourselves move on?_

Shit. Why was Dig always right?


	14. Questions and Answers

_Knock. Knock._

Felicity heard someone padding towards the front door as she nervously played with her bottom lip, not entirely sure how to start this conversation. The door was opened by a slightly puzzled but still welcoming Quentin Lance on the other side.

"Felicity, this is a surprise- what are you doing in my neck of the woods today?" He was casually dressed in jeans and a light gray sweater as he stepped back inviting her in.

"Sorry I didn't call, I was just driving and trying to figure out a problem and I thought that maybe, you were exactly the person I needed to talk to."

"Umm, sure- no problem. Come on in and have a seat- do you want anything to drink? Water? Coffee?" She held up the triple shot latte she had been drinking on the way over, indicating she was just fine. They moved to the couch and sat down, she perched primly on the edge- this was definitely a serious talk, he had two daughters, he knew the posture and the look on her face.

"I need to talk to you about Oliver."

"Oh, gee, Felicity, I don't know if I'm the best person to talk to about your relationship with Queen- I mean, sure, he's grown on me a bit the last few years, but it's complicated and…"

"That's exactly why I need to talk to you. I need to talk to someone who isn't automatically his biggest fan and actively trying to get us back together. With Dig in god-knows-where, I thought you were probably my best bet for someone most likely to call him out and keep me in check."

"Oh. Yeah, hey, if you want me to not be an Oliver Queen fan for the day, you definitely came to the right place. Now, why don't you tell me what's going on."

"Felicity- I got your text, is everything ok?" Oliver walked into the loft, tensed in case it was an actual emergency, but not entirely sure what he should be expecting.

He was _not_ expecting to see Felicity sitting at the table in the kitchen, two of those shot glasses made from himalayan salt that she loved so much and a bottle of tequila in front of her. She was sitting up straight, all business- she had something to talk about and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

"Felicity?"

"Look, Oliver, I could sit here and play coy- and by the way, I seem to recall that you think it's adorable when I do that. But let's face it, we've been dancing around this for a while now and maybe it's just time we tried to test it and see how it goes; yes or no, up or down, win, lose or draw- except, there is no draw in this situation, so that's not a very good analogy." She shook her head at how it had kind of gone off the rails. And no wonder Oliver was looking at her like she was insane, totally puzzled.

"Felicity, would you like to slow down and tell me what's going on here?" The bottle of tequila looked pretty close to full, she couldn't possibly have had that much to drink. Tequila was her drink of choice when she was dealing with something big, something emotional. She drank red wine when she was feeling romantic, whiskey when she was with Dig, vodka when Oliver was going through something, rum when she was out for the night and wanted to just let her hair down. Tequila was generally for something bigger- things she was trying to work through, or things she was desperately trying to avoid- it was her truth serum and, as she had put it once, her "moxie juice".

"I realized something today, and I think we need to talk about it." She motioned for him to sit down across the table from her- it felt oddly like he was about to be deposed in a lawsuit. He tensed up, his face drawn, it made her cringe. She reached out for his hand and squeezed it, he deserved a little reassurance and the poor excuse for a smile that she was wearing right now, intended to make him feel better, might possibly be making her look more like a deranged clown.

"Oliver, I love you, and I know that what you and I have is very much in the present tense. And I can keep trying to fight it, I can be angry with you and not want to be anywhere near you because of everything that happened… But the idea of walking away from what we were- giving up on what we had- that seems almost equally as stupid." Now his face was lighting up and he looked too hopeful- wow, this was so much more of a delicate balance than she had thought.

"BUT, I'm still angry- what you did, Oliver, was bad. It was really bad." His smile fell, that seemed a bit too harsh- _fuck, Smoak, what happened to steady and even keeled?_ "I really want to move past it, Oliver. We didn't say the words, "for better or worse", not technically- not in front of the officiant… but in the hospital, that night… we did. And I wouldn't have said yes to your proposal if I didn't mean them." She sat quietly for a minute, holding his hand across the table, trying not to cry.

"And what is love without forgiveness? Yeah, this is a big thing, this a major thing to forgive. But I want to." Now the tears were in her eyes and he was gripping her hand so tightly. "But if I can't, I need to let it go. I need to let us go- it's not fair to you or to me if I can't find a way to do that."

She was looking at him- was he supposed to know what that look meant? What she was saying?

"So here is what I'm going to suggest: I saw on the Discovery Channel that there is a native culture in Peru that, around Christmas every year, has a "fighting festival". Apparently, it's what Seinfeld ripped off when they came up with that Festivus, airing of the grievances thing. Honestly, the whole thing sounds a whole lot like Yom Kippur, but, with one very important difference: Takanakuy- the Peruvian thing, is actually where people get in the ring and duke it out- fists, kicking- it's full on MMA shit happening to settle scores.

"Well, call me crazy, but I think you probably have me in any kind of hand-to-hand combat situation in a way that makes that option fairly pointless. BUT, I think we deserve a night of really honest conversation. Neither of us leaves until we pass out, OR this bottle is gone. One night, no lies, no obfuscations, no hedging. We can ask anything we want- and in the morning we figure out where we are- deal?"

"Felicity, I'm not sure that-"

"Look, I know, I'm going to hear a lot that I don't really want to know- although a lot of it may actually end up being tamer in reality than in what is in my head. It's also possible that there are things, about me, you don't know that- while I wouldn't compare them to having a child I didn't tell you about…" he winced at that one, but had probably been expecting it. "Well, I can't say I've always been an open book to you either, so I think we should probably just do this, clear the air. And it isn't just about secrets- it's a chance to get things off our chests, yell and scream and pound our fists and get it all out there. Either way, in the morning… well, maybe we can figure out where we stand." She looked at him, her lips in their signature O- she was waiting.

Oliver was a man who lived on the edge, but wasn't necessarily stupid when placing his bets. He thought back on his life, especially his Ollie Queen days, pre-Gambit. He didn't miss those days, he wasn't anxious to revisit them, and was positive that most of the things he had to say about those days would weigh heavily against him. But wasn't this what he had been asking for? A chance to show her secrets and obfuscations were all behind him? Not to mention, what were the chances that there was anything in his past that she hadn't already dug up on the internet? His mind made up, he took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok, you're on. So- how do we start this?"

"I'm pretty sure that two straight shots of reposado are the first answer to that question- do you need lime or salt?" He looked at the bottle in front of them and shook his head-

"This will be considerably smoother than most of the vodkas and gin I've had in my life- it should be fine on it's own." She poured them each a rather generous shot of tequila, hitting the table one, two, three times with the glass before clinking their glasses, shouting "salud" and downing the shot.

"Again?" He nodded and they repeated the ritual, allowing for the warmth of the liquor to spread from their tongues all the way to their bellies. They sat in silence, but not an awkward one, for a moment and then she poured them each another, just to sip as they talked.

"How many times did you cheat on Laurel?" His eyes opened so wide, so fast at that question.

"Wow, you're not throwing any warm ups out there, are you? No softballs?"

"This isn't about you being comfortable, Oliver, this is about trust and openness."

"Are you sure we couldn't just go to one of those corporate retreats and do trust falls and stuff?"

"Positive. Now, answer my question." He sighed, looking down at his glass and upending it- needing a little liquid courage and some time to think.

"Ok, so Laurel and I dated for five years, off and on… and you know about Sam- she was one, Sara was another. And then…" He went quiet, trying to do the math in his head, trying to remember all of those completely meaningless encounters and one night stands. "I think there were probably 10 or 12."

"Wow." She was right, she probably didn't want to know the answers to most of these questions- but she also saw how ashamed and embarrassed by the answer he was, he was fidgeting with his thumb and forefinger and avoiding looking at her at all- and he had answered- that's what she had asked him to do. She polished off her tequila and poured them each another.

"Ok, your turn- what do you want to know?"

"Ummm… when was your first kiss?"

"Really Oliver? You have one night where you can ask me absolutely anything in the world and you want to know about the time I kissed Jimmy Panzone in Kindergarten?"

"Ok, come on, Kindergarten kisses don't count- when was your first real kiss?"

"That answer isn't a whole lot more interesting. Donald Jackson, I was 15 and tutoring him in physics. He was on the football team at the local University."

"You were 15, and you were tutoring… AND KISSING… a college guy?"

"Well, we did a little more than just kiss." She winked- it had always been fun to make Oliver a little bit jealous.

"Why have I never heard of this Donald Jackson guy before? Exactly how old was he?" He was getting growly as he asked.

"Are you seriously getting jealous of the _one_ time I made out with this guy, over a decade ago? Donald was a nice guy, for a jock. And it wasn't exactly like anyone at my high school had any interest in me, the goth science and computer nerd that looked 12 years old but was in the Senior class."

"Felicity, how old was he?"

"Ok, fine, he was 21- but it's not like we slept together, he barely rounded 2nd base. So stop thinking about putting an arrow in him because it's my turn to ask a question." She thought for a moment, lips pursed, looking at him, trying to decide what to ask.

"What's the craziest thing you and Tommy ever did? That I don't already know about- so peeing on a cop car doesn't count, supermodel football stadium palooza doesn't count… I already know those stories." Oliver sat back, this was an easier question.

"Wow, huh, there are some pretty awesome gems to choose from. There was the time that we put on masks from that movie, _V for Vendetta_ and streaked naked across the field at a Dallas Cowboys game. Or the jello wrestling contest we held in an Olympic-sized pool... But probably, the craziest one would be when Tommy got married in Vegas."

"WHAT?" How did she not know this story? Oliver was smiling and nodding, remembering all of it as he told it to her.

"So, it was after Prom our senior year, Tommy's date got super drunk and hooked up with someone else at the after party and he was just devastated. So, me being the amazing friend that I am, I took him to Vegas the next day to blow off some steam. At the time I was also convinced that no heartbreak could be healed while sober, so I was pumping him full of drinks as we lost... well, way too much money at the Bellagio and the Wynn before ultimately ending up at a strip club."

"Of course, because that's how one deals with the loss of a true soulmate."

"Hey, we were 18, incredibly stupid with far too much money and really good fake IDs. Anyways, Tommy falls in love with this cocktail waitress, Daisy. And before I know what's happening, there I am at 3 am in some tiny little chapel on the Strip, acting as Best Man to their wedding. After that we ordered champagne for everyone at the nearest bar and passed out toasting to true love and the newlyweds."

"Oh my god! What happened? Did Malcolm just kill him?"

"Well, he probably would have- if he ever found out." She was trying to form words and thoughts, this was an amazing story.

"Hold on, I'm getting to it. You see, the wedding wasn't even the best part. The best part was that we were so incredibly drunk that we didn't notice that Daisy had a very slight, but very real, Adam's Apple! The marriage wasn't even legal because Daisy was the stripper name of one Oscar Ramirez- while he worked to save enough money for his operation."

"NO! No fucking way, that did _not_ happen!"

"I swear to God! Tommy actually ended up giving him $20k to put towards the operation and we stayed friends on MySpace for a while." Now they were both laughing so hard that Felicity had tears in her eyes and Oliver's face was bright red- just, the whole image in her head was so funny she couldn't hold it in.

"Wow, that's got to be quite the Wedding Night surprise!"

"Yeah, Tommy was pretty shaken after that, I don't think he drank for like a whole month afterwards, he was so worried about repeating his mistake." Oliver finished his shot and poured another. "Although, to be fair, until Laurel, Daisy may have been his best relationship- he was never good at picking winners."

"Oh my God, that's amazing. Wow, I lived in Vegas most of my life and I've never actually been to one of those stupid little wedding chapels OR a strip club. At least not in Vegas."

"Ok, Ms. Smoak, you have intrigued me with THAT clarification- please, talk to me about your times in a strip club. But fair warning, if it turns out YOU were doing the stripping…" He looked at her with all kinds of fire behind his eyes, they both were starting to really feel the effects of the tequila and Felicity was a little worried that talking would be off the table far too soon for her to accomplish her goal for tonight. She got up and went to the fridge for two bottles of water- some hydration was probably a smart call.

"Well which story do you want to hear then- the one about my going to a strip club or the one about me pole dancing?"

"Good God, Felicity, if you're trying to kill me-" She just smiled mysteriously at him and sat down, handing him one bottle of water and opening the other for herself.

"Relax Oliver, it was a bachelorette party where we went to some kind of yoga/dance studio and took a class on pole dancing- I fell about five minutes in and had a bruise on my ass the size of a fist for a week."

"So... we are NOT installing a pole somewhere here in the loft for you to practice your cleverly hidden passion for the artform?" She slapped at his shoulder, laughing (God she had a great laugh, he really loved that laugh). "Fine, if I'm not getting a super sexy story about pole dancing, tell me about your strip club experience." Then she just shook her head, realizing once again that talking was going to be the death of her.

"You know what, it's super embarrassing- can I pass? Or go back and lie about the pole dancing thing so it seems way more interesting and hotter?" She was turning pink and cringing and while part of Oliver wanted to be merciful and let her off the hook, the other, much bigger, part of him wanted to know this story.

"I'm sorry, but you said open and honest were the rules tonight."

"Yeah, but I was more talking about you…Ok, fine." She downed her shot and settled in for an uncomfortable revelation.

"So, a few months after everything happened with Cooper and I found myself suddenly blonde and fairly preppy, I began dating someone else- someone who was basically the complete opposite of him. And he was really cute and all, but basically dumb as a brick and quite the douchebag. We dated for like a month and one night I got a phone call from the bartender at a strip club in Boston- NOT one of the finer establishments in the city, telling me to come and collect my boyfriend who had just broken two bar stools in a fight over one of the girls.

"I get there and the cops are there, but he's managed to talk the club owner out of pressing charges if he fixed the stools and never comes back. The guys is drunk and totally stoned and I had to haul him back to his place at like two in the morning, the week before finals. So, I dumped him right then and there, but he was so drunk that he forgot and the next morning called me to see if we were still going somewhere for the weekend after finals were over. And that's it, that's my embarrassing strip club story- I dated a guy who was seriously awful, bailed him out and then had to break up with him a second time. Incidentally, it was ALSO the first time in my life I took an STD test AND revenge hacked an ex's credit score."

"I think he had it coming- you probably should have done worse."

"Well, I was still recovering from all of that with Cooper- the whole hacking a federal agency and being sent to jail for it- I was a little trigger shy." They sat there for a few minutes, he was looking at her, smiling- he even reached out for her hand and she let him.

"How any guy could be so incredibly stupid is beyond me."

"Well, I don't think he meant to throw the chairs."

"No, how could a guy who had Felicity Smoak by his side ever look at another woman?" And it was his tone of voice and the look in his eyes that told her he meant it- she knew he did.

"That was a smooth line, Oliver Queen- pretty damn smooth. But don't think it's getting you out of the next question." He just sighed, still looking at her.

"One of these days you're going to realize that you really are as great as I say you are." And then he shook his head, breaking their gaze. "I just really hope when that day comes, you don't realize how incredibly far out of my league you are."

"Do you know how much I hate it when you do that?" She stopped holding his hand and looked annoyed.

"Do what?"

"Talk about yourself like that. Why do you do that?"

"Felicity-"

"No, stop. Look, that was part of the point of tonight, not just to ask questions and tell silly embarrassing stories while getting shit-faced on tequila, but to really get out there anything that bothers us. And this is something that fucking bothers me. I really hate it when you're all "I'm no good, I'm broken, no one should love me." Do you think we don't all feel that way sometimes? But you put me on this fucking pedestal and honestly, the pressure is too much, Oliver. I know that you think I'm amazing and beautiful and sexy and everything else… but I have flaws- I have plenty of them! I'm an especially flawed human being and I feel like you just aren't being honest with yourself when it comes to me.

"Life isn't like a fucking fairytale. It get's messy and gross and weird and ugly and marriage is not about finding someone who is so perfect you never deal with that stuff, but finding someone who you can stand to deal with, even if they snore or lose the remote constantly in the couch cushions or, and I sincerely hope this isn't me, someone who gets fat or starts going bald!"

"But Felicity- I don't mind any of those things! I mean, sure, it's a little annoying when I have to ask you so many times to put the remote on the coffee table instead of next to you on the sofa so it gets lost, and sometimes your snoring keeps me awake… but those things are also just you- and in the grand scheme of things, why would I care about them?"

"But you still don't have to put yourself down! You may have been this billionaire playboy, party boy, douche of epic proportions once upon a time- but so what? You have been through so much and become so much more than those things- so much more than Ollie Queen! YOU have saved this city- Hell, forget the city, saved the WORLD, multiple times! You never hesitate to put yourself in danger to protect someone, even a total stranger you know nothing about. And you know what? Sure you pretty much sucked as a CEO of the family company, which- BTW- should have been a cakewalk, I mean your name was LITERALLY on the building...

"But, you're doing an incredible job as Mayor, rebuilding the city, working on your Glades projects, restoring the waterfront and honoring the Black Canary. You are a remarkable man. You may not be the least complicated or most academically astute or even the most open person… but you are amazing. You deserve so much good and happiness and the most incredible life- and sometimes it's just so tough to measure up all the time to this person that you think I am and to be the person that I believe you deserve! Not to mention, it just really pisses me off when you say bad things about yourself.

"Come on, think about it, if I was standing here saying I was fat or ugly or a bitch, you would get angry, you would bust out your "Felicity Smoak, you have failed this city" voice and threaten to put an arrow in my knee if I didn't stop- so why would I ever be ok with you saying bad things about the one person in this world I actually love more than myself? I mean, it's bullshit, Oliver."

He slumped down, not meeting her gaze- her very confronting and slightly terrifying gaze.

"I never thought about it like that."

"No fucking kidding." But then she softened and smiled at him, remembering tonight wasn't about fighting. "I'm sorry Oliver, it just- it has actually bothered me a lot over the last few years. Don't get me wrong, you have plenty of baggage, there are tons of things you've done that I don't particularly love- BUT, you have also done so many incredible things and you are such an amazing, wonderful, handsome and loving person, believe me, the good far outweighs the bad."

He looked at her now, squeezing her hand that was resting on the table, once more remembering just how incredible she was- even if maybe he wasn't supposed to say it outloud. His fingers began to trace random patterns on the back of her hand and they spent a solid minute just looking at each other, feeling safe and loved, and grinning like idiots.

"Well, I think it's my turn to ask a question, isn't it?" Felicity smirked at him, done baring her soul for the moment and enjoying the look of torture on his face as he realized he was going to have to answer yet another super uncomfortable question.

"What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?" Felicity didn't actually know where that came from, she hadn't been expecting to ask that question- she wasn't even entirely certain she wanted to know the honest answer. But then, somewhere between tequila 5 and tequila 6, it came out. And why was she feeling a little nervous- did she want the answer to be with someone else or with her? But had they ever done anything particularly kinky? Ugh, it was probably with Laurel... or Sara... wow, maybe she really didn't want to know...

"What? Really?" He seemed to be going through the same thought process.

"Hey, my question, no judging. Tell me, what is the kinkiest thing you have ever done?"

"Felicity, I don't honestly know what to tell you here. First off, you know me, pretty well in that area. I think most people would probably describe my tastes as fairly mundane."

"Maybe now they are, but come on, in the days of Ollie Queen, you must have joined the Mile High club at least 50 times-I mean, isn't that the only reason anyone owns their own plane? So you can do it and not violate thousands of federal laws?"

"Without punting this question, what about this- I can tell you something I've always wanted to do that I haven't told you? Because I'm pretty sure anything particularly hot or interesting I ever did I've forgotten about because it wasn't all that interesting 10 years later, OR it was only hot because it was you."

Felicity bit her bottom lip and tortured it the way she did when she wasn't sure what to do or say. She was clearly mulling over his proposition- which was going to kill her if they weren't going to have sex again- was he really that cocky that tonight was going well for him? Then again, she was also more than a little intrigued by what he fantasized about, rather than just what he had done in the past that may or may not have been fun.

"Ok, fine, you have a deal. Tell me your TWO top fantasies." She was feeling a bit hot and flushed, the look he was giving her was making her feel fairly tingly in certain areas of her body and was dying to jump across the table and into his lap- WHY had she picked tequila? But then she caught his eye and he was fidgeting a little, probably feeling about the same as her.

"Are you sure we can't do this at the end of the evening? You know, when we're both in a much more comfortable and… intimate situation? It's a little weird for me to just sit here at the kitchen table and tell you what I want you to do to me in a clinical way." Another pause as she considered.

"Fine- one fantasy now, one fantasy later- IF, you get to later." There, hopefully that kept him in check.

"Hmm, let's see. At this point you know I have a certain weakness for sex in the lair… or when I'm standing up and you jump and straddle me and we're up against a wall and I just push your clothes aside because I can't wait one more second to be inside you." Was it warm in here? Was it possible that Felicity really hadn't thought this question through? This was all sounding really, really good. "Oh, and of course there is that one toy in your nightstand drawer that you like to pretend I don't know about but I occasionally find while we're together and use on you." Oh God- she still remembered the first time he had been on top of her, inside of her, and then suddenly opened up her drawer, grabbed her favorite purple vibrator, flipped her on her stomach and used it on her while...

"Oliver, I'm more than six shots of tequila in and you know what that does to me- so I'm going to admit that I didn't exactly think this one through and beg you to table this answer for a later date. So, uh... it's your turn to ask a question." There, breathe.

"Would you have changed your name?"

"My name? Oh, you mean- if we got married? Like, for real got married- with, you know, intending to be married, not to catch a psychopathic serial killer." She looked at him as he nodded back.

"Ummm, that's a good question. I mean, I love being Felicity Smoak- and it's just my mom and me, and I fought really hard, worked my ass off, actually, to be me. But… I don't know, isn't it sort of weird when kids have different names than their parents? Growing up, if a friend of mine had a different last name than their mom, I just kind of assumed her parents were divorced and mom re-married. So, I'm not sure, maybe I'd be Felicity Smoak professionally, but then, when we had kids, I think I'd kind of want to be a family- like, that makes it a family name, not a married name." She shook her head, her finger at the bridge of her nose- "I don't know, maybe that doesn't make any sense, maybe it's stupid."

"Felicity, I never wanted you to feel like you _had_ to be a Queen. I get that it's my family's legacy- and it's a fairly long and controversial one, especially in this town. You shouldn't have to-"

"Oliver, I have no problem with being a Queen. I mean, now that I say that out loud, it does kind of sound like I'm saying I have no problem being royalty, which, I actually don't. I still think that Princess Kate and I would be total besties if we met in real life and I'd marry Harry and we'd all vacation together in the Mediterranean on their yacht."

"He's a dick, actually, you can do better than him." Of course Oliver knew the royal family. Why wouldn't he?

"Well, be that as it may, what I can tell you is that I did always think there was a certain ring to the name Felicity Queen." He gave her one of his sadder smiles at that.

"I always thought so too."

And the night continued- three more shots of tequila and somewhere around 2:30 in the morning she began to doze at the table and he ended up picking her up and carrying her to bed. As he tucked her in and took off her glasses, he thought the evening had gone well- they had talked about everything, important, not important, big questions, small confessions… but he still knew he wouldn't be sleeping, not really, until she told him it had worked, she could trust him, she could move past it all, and she loved him. Then he would sleep.


	15. Love Without Forgiveness

It was 7:52- Felicity told him to be there at 8:00, but the suspense was absolutely killing him. He and Felicity hadn't spoken since she crashed the night before and he carried her to bed- aside from the moment that he laid her on the bed and she shouted "Geronimo!", something that had made him want to laugh, being familiar with the absolute fantastical elements of her dream life and the strange but endearing things she would talk about in her sleep. But now, he was standing outside her front door and his mind kept going through what she had had said at the beginning of the night.

 _"But what is love without forgiveness? And yeah, this is a big thing, this a major thing to forgive. And I want to… But if I can't, I need to let it go. I need to let us go- it's not fair to you or to me if I can't find a way to do that… One night, no lies, no obfuscations, no hedging. We can ask anything we want- and in the morning we figure out where we are- deal?"_

Then, that morning he woke up to emails, texts and a phone call about a fire in the area by the Glades near the waterfront that he had been trying to revitalize- it had burned down 16 apartment units and displaced a few dozen people. He spent his day juggling the Fire Chief, Emergency Services, the Housing Administration and a few other groups to deal with the tragedy, find people homes and start the clean up. He had been so busy that he almost didn't have time to think about her or last night, he text that said she knew he was busy, but would like to talk at 8 had almost gone unnoticed in the reality of his day.

Then, shockingly, around 6:30 everything was pretty well resolved- there were no deaths, the owner of the apartment building had been up to date on his insurance and so far there no major signs of criminal neglect, so everyone would probably get their insurance payouts and the land would be bought by the City to add to some of the rehabilitation projects Oliver had been pushing. So, while the day started tragically and potentially horrifyingly, it did seem that all's well that ends well.

So that left him standing outside the door of the loft, wondering if he should knock or just let himself in (it hadn't been often in the last few weeks that he came over on his own, no protocol had really been established since the reconciliation). But just as he raised his hand to knock on the door, figuring it made more sense to err on the side of polite rather than overly familiar, he heard the smoke alarm and some particularly effusive swearing.

"Felicity?" But he didn't really wait, not sure what was happening- he tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. He wasn't thinking before he was pushing his way inside and running towards the kitchen, desperately worried about what was happening in there.

He entered to the sound of the alarm, the sight of smoke everywhere around him in the large space- despite an open window and the industrial strength fan over the stove. Felicity was in the middle of it all, coughing and shouting. The smell in the room was that of burnt, acrid chocolate- a few charred vessels sat on the stove- had one actually caught fire somehow?

"Come the fuck on you fucking fuckers! I went to MIT- I have an IQ of 157 for fuck's sake! Why can't I channel my inner Julia Child and make a fucking- Oliver?" She turned at the end of her invective rant and her eyes widened and she looked genuinely surprised to see him there.

"I'm sorry, I just, I heard the smoke alarm and it sounded like you were in trouble so I went a little "grrr"." He smiled at her, looking a little sheepish as he admitted to his overreaction. He moved to turn off the smoke alarm so he could hear while he surveyed the damage. She looked fine, if a bit flustered- and a complete mess! She had chocolate batter on one of her cheeks, her bangs were totally askew with traces of chocolate in them and there was flour and sugar and all kinds of other substances around her kitchen and on her apron. She pulled back one hand and wiped her forehead of sweat, her eyebrows knit together, creating that crease in between that he knew so well.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't- I mean… I wasn't expecting you quite yet." She looked at the stove and saw that it was almost 8:00- he had actually been relatively on time, which was so not like him! And then she looked at the status of the kitchen and her project and suddenly tears welled up in her eyes- tears she probably couldn't blame on the acrid smoke wafting across her sinuses and face.

"Felicity? What is it? Did you hurt yourself?" She was flatout crying at this point and he ran to her, checking her over for any sign of burns or maybe she cut herself while chopping something? He was looking over her arms and neck and whispering soothing things in her ears before she could process what was happening- and was gently guiding her to the chair nearest the kitchen, helping her sit down. "Shhh, it's fine, Felicity, you're fine. Just calm down and tell me what happened."

"Nothing- nothing happened. It's just that I had a plan and that plan was supposed to be so sweet and so romantic and I spent ALL fucking day in here, cooking and testing and I can't make a single passable souffle." He started to say something and she just moved past it, ignoring him completely. "No, I know, you don't care if I can cook- and I wasn't going to try and cook much tonight. I was smart enough to have dinner delivered- and I got some of that incredible Sagrantino we discovered while we were in Italy and then a super fancy champagne that my wine app tells me is one of the best available- I was going to do this whole reenactment with the wine and the souffle and then pop some champagne to celebrate and now I've just ruined everything and it's really no wonder why this is always the job of the guy. We women will take it far too seriously and cry and moan if anything goes wrong and that's so stupid because I don't really care anymore how the proposal happens- I got so caught up in the pomp and circumstance, especially once I came up with the idea that I just didn't…"

Oliver's mind was racing almost faster than her talking, he was trying to piece together what she was saying to form a single narrative, but that was proving to be very difficult so he just grabbed her face between his two hands and pulled her lips to his in a tender but ferocious kiss. Breathless, they eventually broke the kiss and he was trying to figure out what was going on.

"Felicity, what exactly are you trying to say? What is all this?" He looked around him to see that the dining table had italian food- it looked like takeout from one of their favorite places- lasagna on his plate, fettuccine alfredo with shrimp on hers, a standing order for them. But the kitchen had drips and dribbles of chocolate all over it and he saw her tablet up with multiple windows open, one of Alton Brown's recipes in the forefront and a very well-worn and familiar copy of a Julia Child cookbook he recognized- open to the the section on souffles.

"I just- I had these grand plans to try and recreate things the way you tried to do it, but I'm not _completely_ insane, so I still ordered in dinner, I thought that maybe someone with my brain and skills could possibly pull off the dessert- I mean, come the fuck on, it's just chemistry! Since when do I have trouble with chemistry? But then, I tried a set of them earlier today and they fell too soon, so I tried another batch, and they exploded- I still haven't figured out how that happened… and then the set that I tried just now actually fucking combusted! How is that even possible? It was chocolate, eggs and flour- what in that combination is even combustible? It doesn't even make any sense- but there it was, ON FIRE, and I'm actually worried I ruined my fancy-schmancy oven that I have no idea how to use, and now I have chocolate goo all over my face and clothes and I didn't have time to change into my sexy outfit or anything else that I had in mind for tonight. What a fucking disaster!" She slid down the front of the cabinet, her back leaning against it, crying and he sat down with her, looking at her.

"Felicity, stop! You're running a million miles a minute!" He was holding her by the shoulders, trying so badly to catch her eyes. "Felicity, what's wrong, why in the world are you crying?"

"Because I ruined it all, Oliver. I'm so sorry. I really did plan something I thought would be special and now, in my head, it just sounds so ridiculous and cheesy- like Kate Hudson and Patrick Dempsey or something! I'm not that kind of girl- I should stick to what I know- _Dr. Who_ and _Firefly_ and _Battlestar Galactica_. Not romantic nights with sexy music and candles and homemade chocolate souffles."

Slowly he was trying to piece together everything this beautiful woman was babbling about- and if she had been paying attention better, she probably would have noticed one side of his smile beginning to tick up. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? And if that was the case, why was she crying about it? He didn't want to take it all for granted, but he looked around him and saw special wine, champagne, and a few different attempts at chocolate souffles- wow, she really had managed to catch one of them on fire- how was that even possible? _Nope, not important right now, focus Queen._

"Felicity- I really don't want to read too much into this at all. But were you trying to…" He couldn't quite make out the word, he was still terrified he was wrong, he so desperately wanted to be right. With tears streaming down her face, the beginnings of her brilliant smile spreading across her face as she looked at him.

"Oliver, this is not at all how I planned it- I thought it would be much later in the evening and we'd be so happily well-fed and a little tipsy and that was going to give me the courage to say all of this. But I know. I have known for a while actually, that despite our faults and the problems that we've had- even with the mistakes that we've _both_ made-" he cringed a little at that but she put her hand against his cheek, making him continue to look at her.

"I know that I love you- and what is the point of love without forgiveness? I can't promise I'm completely over your deception, but I'm trying so incredibly hard to be, because I just don't believe that I could ever be happy so long as you and I aren't together. So, Oliver Jonas Queen, will you make me the happiest woman on the planet and marry me?"

His smile was absolutely blinding- it lit up his entire face, his eyes, he almost seemed to have an aura about him like an angel. "Yes."

"Yes? Really?"

"Hell yes." He was smiling the biggest, brightest and most electric face she had ever seen, it looked almost like it would hurt, a smile that big.

"Are you sure? You don't want to talk about anything- anything we talked about last night, anything else we said or did? Cause this is it, if you say yes then we're just putting all of that away and moving forward- it's done, it's in the past." It almost seemed too easy at this point that he was being so enthusiastic- didn't he want to keep talking, this was his last chance to really openly and honestly talk? She was nervous. He pulled her face into his hands and gazed into her eyes, intently, hungrily, earnestly.

"Felicity, I love you. I messed up, I know I did, but you and I? We are right together. I have some more work to do to make you understand how much I mean my promise that I will never again exclude you from any decision, any major piece of information again. And I will only ever spend my life proving to you that you are the only woman out there for me, and I will do anything to make you beyond happy that you let me stay in your life. You, our relationship, our family- will be my absolute TOP priority."

She was smiling too, ear-to-ear, eyes bright, and then she leaned in to kiss him, her lips and tongue searching for his, her tongue demanding entrance to his mouth, she gasped as he bit at the bottom of her lip. It was at that moment that she realized, for the first time, they had never had the chance to have engagement sex the first time around. As soon as they were engaged, all of that with Darhk and the limo and the hospital... Wasn't engagement sex supposed to be pretty much in the top 5 encounters for any couple? Thinking about that and feeling a certain responsibility to the convention, she leaned into the kiss pulling him to her, lightly nibbling on his bottom lip, causing him to moan her name in response. She pulled back, torturously, wanting one last check.

"So, really? That's it? You and me, we're getting married? Tying the knot? Doing the whole "til death do us part, in sickness and in health, love, honor and obey?" Although, I guess that last one is pretty stupid and almost definitely not going to happen- I'm not really an obedience type of person. It's always been a downfall of mine, I was grounded so many times as a kid for not listening or doing something I wasn't supposed to because I was too busy taking apart a computer, or a toaster or…" He cut off her rambling with a deep kiss, the kind that she felt all the way to the pit of her stomach, that made her sigh happily. He was smiling, she could feel it, and without really breaking the kiss he just said,

"Yes. God, yes- we are getting married, and absolutely as quickly and as permanently as possible."

Felicity was wearing a black dress, fairly basic and actually relatively modest, she had picked out something else to change into later, but after the shower she had put on a very special lingerie set. And, she had to admit, the modest dress definitely made for a more surprising reveal of what was underneath. He pulled her to him, forcing her to straddle his lap as he ran his hand up her thigh and to that incredible, firm and well-formed ass of hers. Just as he was reaching under her skirt he realised she was wearing lace-topped thigh high panty hose clipped to a garter with a seriously skimpy lace thong and his heart stopped. He wasn't sure she had _ever_ worn thigh highs and a garter before, generally speaking her wearing just one of his t-shirts or button downs had been more than enough sexy teasing- she didn't have to spend tons of cash on more formal and showy lingerie. At least, that was what he thought right up until his hand hit the top of her stockings.

Somehow, impossibly, his dick got 50% harder just on that touch. He moaned her name as he kissed her, nipping at her lip as he moved down her neck to her collarbone- spending a little time nibbling on her creamy skin and that one freckle about halfway down the neck, it just seemed like an "x marks the spot" kind of situation.

"Ol-iv-er…." She groaned again as one hand found the hem of her dress, grazing against her thighs, moving it somewhat forcefully underneath and up towards her hips, anxious to feel that perfect, smooth skin that left only goosebumps in his wake.

"Felicity, what is happening under your-"

"I just thought- you know, if this went the way I was hoping it would, maybe I'd be glad to be wearing something... special." Her arms snaked around his neck and she really leaned into the kiss, panting as he delicately traced patterns in her though and the swell of her back.

"And did you honestly think that it wouldn't? Go your way?"

"Well, I did misguidedly hope that I could put together ONE dessert dish-"

"I'm so happy right now I'd even eat that dish on the counter if you wanted me to."

"Oliver?"

"Yes?"

"Stop talking and throw me down on the floor right here."

"Well, if that's an order from my future wife- I'll _happily_ promise to obey." He smiled and the fire behind his eyes was intoxicating. One hand was behind her head to cushion it and the other around her waist- he pulled her close to him and lowered her to the floor- forgetting the fact there was a bed not 30 feet away. He refused to break the kiss- he was running his tongue against her lips and pushing into her mouth.

While she was a big fan of being on top, she was really enjoying the way that he was taking control- spreading her legs, hissing as he saw the tops of her stockings just under the hemline of her dress. He leaned down and kissed the top of her thigh, breathing in the scent of her and enjoying the way that she moaned at that. She moved to unbutton his shirt- a blue stripe that she really loved and didn't remember ever seeing before. As she flicked the buttons open she began to nip at his chest, wanting to trace his scars with her tongue and teeth. He breathed in and she felt his cock under his pants, it was so hard under her, making her moan.

He took her arms, pinning them above her head- she had taken control just now, proposed to him, tried to make souffles- the most horrifying attempt at baking he'd ever seen, but that had only made it more special and amazing. Now it was his turn to take control and make her as happy as she had just made him. He had her pinned beneath him and she was wiggling, trying to create friction against him, dying for some kind of satisfying contact.

He smirked at her, firmly in control.

"So impatient? You would rob me of all my fun?"

"Ollliveer, please!" She drew out his name while whimpering his name at the same time, feeling very much like she just wanted to be good and fucked, none of the patience for _lovemaking_ that he seemed to be pushing for. He kissed his way all the way down her neck, especially spending some time beneath her ear before he managed to find her gorgeous, perfectly sized breasts with nipples so hard they made him moan as he pushed aside her delicately lacy, barely there and, he looked quickly, deep red bra that was maybe going to kill him. He nipped and sucked and licked as she pulled herself against him, moaning, bucking against him and begging.

After a minute or two of him lavishing attention on her breasts, without removing his lips from them, he began to snake his hands down her side, leaving goosebumps on her flesh down her side to play with her waistband, teasing the tiny, soft curls immediately beneath. All that attention was causing her to hum and continue to buck, squirming from her waist down, whimpering for him to just give her something!

After minutes of teasing (torturing, really), and the way that she groaned inward- a groan that emanated from the bottom of her stomach and caused him to growl in response, he completely lost control. Suddenly, any sense of chivalry or adoration he had been feeling was gone, he ripped her thong down, not caring that he probably tore something, and she got the message, lowering her hands and fumbling with his belt, dragging down his pants as quickly as possible, palming his hot, warm cock in her hand as he dipped below to run his tongue along her clit- good lord, how was it possible she was already so wet and warm- he had barely touched her?

After only a moment of his tongue against her he lost all sense of control and brought himself up- entering her soft, velvety warmth. She moaned, almost yelped, actually, in response to the feel of him filling her, so completely and delightfully that she thought she just might come right then and there. He moved in and out of her while she bucked towards him, wanting to maximize the friction of the moment- they were both so keyed up that it quickly became apparent that neither was going to last long- whether that was the engagement, the incredibly animalistic sex or just their love for each other was anyone's guess… but within minutes she found herself beginning to clench internally, squeezing him, clenching, moaning- and then he was thrusting harder than ever before, watching her face as she climaxed, grunting as he came inside of her, shuddering 4, 5, 6… no, 7 times while he finished.

They were both breathing heavily, not entirely naked, just having given into the most primal instinct- but as they laced the fingers of their hands together and looked at each other, panting, he kissed her temple and pulled her as close to him as was possible. He kissed her cheek again and just inhaled the smell of her- her skin, her coconut shampoo, even the smell of him on her. This moment was the most perfect of his life and he'd never trade it for anything in the world.


	16. In The Morning Light

The sun was streaming through the soft curtains of her bedroom… but Felicity had no memory of them making it to the bed finally- they had tried, valiantly, a few times, but only made it as far as the couch. They had napped a bit there and he had been carrying her to the bedroom when she woke up a bit and the look in her eyes, and the way her lips were still swollen from his kisses and how gorgeous she was as she smiled up at him… well, he hadn't quite made it to the bed when he caught her lips in his and round three happened up against the wall right outside of her bedroom.

She sighed as she turned over, seeing him, she smiled, she should have known that he'd be looking at her already.

"Hey." She said softly to him, thrilled to see him smiling right back at him. He moved to push a stray hair behind her ear.

"Hey." They just lay there, basking in the moment. She hadn't felt this good or complete in so long- it was exactly where she wanted to be- she could see so many of these mornings in their future- mornings with just them, eventually, some day they'd have to be careful because they'd be interrupted by the sounds of tiny people running to jump in bed and join them- maybe a big Golden Retriever or Lab joining in the family fun and laughs and silliness.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Oliver's voice broke through the daydream- he always knew when she was off, her mind wandering somewhere.

"Just thinking how nice this is. And very excited to repeat this every morning for the rest of our lives." She was tracing her fingers down his chest and over to his biceps, lazily making shapes on his skin, causing a few goosebumps to form. He took her hand and laced her fingers with his, just wanting to touch her- just wanting contact.

"Speaking of which, we need to figure out some things."

"You mean like wedding stuff?" As much as she wanted to marry him, she also wasn't really looking forward to going back into all their old plans… it just felt, like a recycled nightmare.

"Well, sort of. I don't know, you may recall, a lot of this started with that letter from the city telling us that we are, in fact, married. So, we don't have to- not if you don't want." He was nervous- he really didn't have any idea where her head was on that point, but he could tell she was nervous and unsettled on it. "Hey, hey, it's completely up to you- I just want to be married to you- I want our friends and family to know it's for real, that we're in love and committed. If it's a matter of just telling them this is real this time or a big, society event at the Plaza…" Her eyes got big with that one, he could almost see her heart rate picking up in panic, he couldn't help but chuckle at it.

"Alright, that's a no to the Plaza, Thea might be disappointed, but I think we'll be able to handle it."

"I just… I don't want anything big- I never wanted anything big. And now that you remind me that we're in this situation because of the whole already being married thing, it would be pretty difficult to actually have a big wedding of some kind, people would definitely ask questions…" And now she was doing that thing where she worried her bottom lip with her teeth..

"But... ?" There was definitely a but coming in there and it made her smile that he knew her so well.

"Well… our "wedding"..." and she used the air quotes around wedding, making him smile. "It wasn't exactly the stuff a girl's dreams are made of. And I don't mean the dress or the venue or any of that, it was all fine… But I was so damn angry with you, you may remember." He looked awfully sad at that memory- the look of her walking down the aisle in her gown and veil, how heartbreakingly beautiful she was.

"Hey, stop, none of that brooding- it's seriously not allowed within 24 hours of getting engaged. It's a rule." She traced her fingers across his cheek and down his jawline, reaching into kiss him very softly. "But see, that's what I don't want the memories of our wedding to be. So full of pain and hurt and anger. Even my vows… wow, they were about as uber bitch as humanly possible. And you had such beautiful things to say- I cried for weeks remembering everything you said, every look you had, the way that your hands were trembling..." And now the tears were in her eyes and threatening to fall. He reached out to catch them, stroking her cheeks.

"No tears- please don't cry. Hey, hey, if brooding isn't allowed within 24 hours of getting engaged, then sad tears aren't allowed either."

"I'm sorry, I know- I just… I want a memory of my wedding that makes us both smile like idiots, not cry and get all broody and sad."

"Well, then, Felicity Smoak, that's what you're going to get."

"But how? We can't call attention to the fact that the original wedding was a sham."

"Well, I'm not sure yet how to pull it off- maybe we run off to Bali for a few days and have a private ceremony on the beach? Or maybe we can do something quiet, just us and the Team? I don't know, but we'll figure out how to get you the ceremony of your dreams, ok?" She smiled and nodded at him- how could she have ever thought she could live without him?

"So I guess that leaves just the question of your ring…"

"My ring?"

"Yeah, you have to tell me which one you want. I know you told me to never give you back your original ring- and I get it- maybe that's tarnished at this point. And I know you love the emerald one I gave you, we can use that if you want. Or, we can find something entirely new, if that's what you want- I just need to know."

"The first one was your mother's, I know it's really important to you that I wear it, that it's passed down, and I think it's a given that Thea isn't ever going to want it." That was a bit of an understatement- Thea had been given most of her mother's jewelry upon her death, but had chosen to sell most of the ones that weren't true heirloom pieces and donated the money to relief funds for victims of the Glades Undertaking.

"SO? We can hang onto it for our kids. Let them have it."

"You won't be upset if I want to keep my emerald?"

"Are you kidding me? I've really come to love the sight of it on your left hand."

"It won't match your band- if you want to use the one you've been wearing."

"Yeah, you're never getting this thing off me again- you're stuck for life." She smiled.

"I think I just might like that." And that's when he leaned in and kissed her, making sure they wouldn't be getting out of the bed anytime in the near future.


	17. The Only Constant Is Change

It was an absolutely beautiful day out- warm and sunny but without being hot or humid. Felicity and Oliver had decided to take some time outside of the Lair, enjoying some air and sunshine at the Memorial Park outside of the Glades. Oliver had packed them snacks- some cheeses, cured meats, bread… and fairly illegal but definitely worth the deception, sangria in- what amounted to- adult sippy cups.

Felicity chuckled as she looked at Oliver, taking a nice swig of her "Big Kid Punch". "Nice to see how seriously the Mayor of our town takes our laws." He just grinned back at her- that smile that would never fail to make her go weak in the knees.

"I just thought that if we were going to have a day of relaxation, we should probably do it properly." She laughed as she snuggled into him, putting her head on his lap and plucking at the grass around them as he gently combed his fingers through her hair, looking around them.

She couldn't help but notice that he seemed particularly taken by the families enjoying the park- mothers walking their children in strollers, a a group of boys running to soccer practice in the North Field and there was a Mommy-Toddler yoga group about 50 yards away from where they sat.

"You know, I'm not sure which narrative I'd prefer right now- you checking out the hot moms in yoga pants or overwhelming baby lust." He looked down at her, shock written all over his face- had she actually accused him of checking out other women just now?

"What? Felicity- I'm not- I mean, I would never…" he bumbled a bit until he caught the wicked gleam in her eye, indicating that she was teasing him.

"Relax Oliver, it's ok, I know you're not checking out the instructor doing Downward Facing Dog right in your face- but do you maybe want to talk about what you're really looking at?" He just looked at her blankly- not understanding what she was talking about. "All I'm saying is that when you look at those moms over there, playing with their kids, you seem to have a very similar look in your eyes to one Donna Smoak anytime she even HEARS the words baby, Granny or pregnant." She was smiling at him, looking very openly, wanting him to talk to her.

"Felicity, it's fine, I just got caught up in a little bit of a daydream, that's all. I promise you, we talked about this and I'm fine waiting."

"Well, actually, as I recall, we didn't really talk much about it timing. You mocked my perfectly beautiful name choices, you basically confessed to wanting me to have a sports' team worth of children come shooting out of my uterus… and we both agreed that Lyla and Dig are much bigger badasses than we ever knew… but we didn't really talk about timing."

"I said maybe four- no sports have teams that small."

"You want to bet I could find one?"

"What are you saying Felicity? Do you want to…?"

"I mean, I'm not saying right this minute… but I am due for my annual exam in the next month or two… if I want to get my IUD out, a doctor needs to do it for me…" Oliver felt his body freeze entirely, trying to process what she was saying and not get overly excited- play it cool man.

"Well, how do you feel about the idea?" Wow, that was pretty lame.

"Umm, well… I guess, I mean, we are married. And we've been together for a while now, and neither of us is actually getting any younger… unless Barry screws with the timeline, maybe- I'm actually not really sure what that does to our ageing. Come to think of it, what about Sara and the Legends? Like, do they continue to age at the same rate as they travel in and out of time? Because one would think that traveling to 100 years before they were born to 400 years in the future would have some kind of effect on the temporal…"

"Felicity- you're kind of wandering off the topic." God, she loved the sound of his voice when he was smiling- she could hear the smile as he spoke and it always made her feel warm and kind of mushy inside.

"Oh, right. Well." And now she was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, clearly nervous.

"Look, Honey, we don't have to do anything right now- I'm happy to wait as long as you want." Well, maybe not 100% true, but he could be patient.

"No, I think… I actually think it would be good, you know, if we started trying. I mean, there are some things we'll have to figure out about our night jobs… and sure, life is insane with me starting my company and you being the Mayor- but I just sort of have a feeling like our lives will always be pretty crazy and chaotic and maybe now at least we're young enough to have the energy?" He pulled on her face so that he could see her eyes, needing to know if she was being sincere or just trying to make him happy.

As he looked into her grayish blue eyes, the best sight in the entire world to him, he saw some nerves, some trepidation and a little bit of fear… but also a little bit of something warmer- trust? Excitement? And she was starting to smile, that full smile that showed her big, white teeth and went all the way to her eyes, making them sparkle a little bit. She put her hands on his wrists as he cupped her face.

"Oliver, I've been thinking about this a lot. Remember how upset I was when I wasn't pregnant because I couldn't stop thinking about how if everything had gone to plan, we would be married and we might have been talking about a family and trying for one… and then it occurred to me that maybe we don't have to accept everything as a delay and a setback. We aren't perfect, but we're trying, we're working."

And then she was blinded- his smile got so big, so wide, and his eyes started to tear up, amplifying how beautifully blue they were. It was the most amazing sight- he was just radiant as he took in everything she said. Without any warning he pulled her to him and crashed his lips on hers, kissing her as thoroughly and deliciously as he had ever kissed her, and she leaned in to let him.

He finally pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, still smiling, tears still in his eyes.

"Is this real? I'm sorry, it's just- wow. All these years, all of those times I've messed up and thought I was going to be alone, forever. Probably sitting in the dark, dank basement of the Foundry until I died some night in battle- isolated from anything bright or happy- isolated from life and living… and joy. And now… God, this is my life! And it's so much better and more beautiful than I even knew or thought… Felicity…" and with that he was just too caught up, his tears were starting to roll down his cheeks, slowly, just drinking in her presence. "I'm sorry, I don't think that I'm making all that much sense right now- I'm just, my life is perfect. And I love you so much." She just smiled, beaming at him like the ray of sunshine that she is and she pulled him in for another kiss, because her life really was a thousand times better than she had ever dreamed it could be.


	18. Two Steps Forward

Oliver pushed open the front door of the loft puzzled, the lights weren't on but he knew Felicity had been planning to get some work done for a client that afternoon- she should be at home, fingers dancing across the keys- but it was dark and it was silent.

Except that it wasn't empty, Felicity was sitting curled up on the couch, a glass of wine in here hand- open bottle on the coffee table that was about ½ drunk, and she was staring listlessly out the window, quietly crying. He instantly dropped his bags of groceries and ran over to her, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands- putting the wine glass on the table behind him, cataloging all of her features, trying to determine whether she was hurt or sick.

"Felicity, baby, what's wrong?" She could barely look at him, only glancing at him briefly before she turned back to the window. But she just sat there, quietly crying. He asked a few more times,

"Is it your mother? Or Thea? What is going on?" But she just shook her head, unable to speak yet- and it felt like Oliver sat there for hours, waiting for her to be ready to talk. It was probably 15, maybe 20 minutes- but Oliver knew he had at least ten new gray hairs because of it.

"We need to talk." He let out his breath, unsure how long he'd been holding it at that point. He took that as a sign to sit on the couch, next to her, pulling her into hold her.

Felicity, babe, you're really freaking me the hell out right now- I swear, you can tell me absolutely anything- what's going on?" She pulled away, looking up at him, her beautiful blue eyes glittering with tears and in deep, emotional pain.

"I uh, I went to the doctor yesterday, I told you about that… I went in for my annual appointment, and to, you know- to get my IUD out." Oliver couldn't help but smile just a tiny bit at that thought- them starting a family, a little Smoak-Queen family. Then the doctor part clicked.

"Are you alright? I mean, are you sick or hurt or something? Do you… I mean, are you ok?"

"Ummm, yes and no. I mean- I'm fine, I'm healthy, everything is ok… except… uh, she did some scans on me yesterday and apparently they made her question some stuff, she called in some colleagues to consult. She saw some things that concerned her, gave her questions. She uh, she called me today and asked me to come in and see her to talk about them." She was biting on her bottom lip, twisting it, torturing it and avoiding Oliver's face as much as she could and Oliver felt like his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest it was going so hard.

"Well, it turns out that the shooting last year… it uh, I mean, I had all of those surgeries in my abdomen and everything… well, it left a lot of scar tissue in the area. And, apparently all that scar tissue can actually interfere with our ability conceive. There is a procedure they can try, try to reduce some of the adhesions- that's what they're called, abdominal adhesions. But the ironic thing about it is that's a surgical procedure and can actually leave more scar tissue. So… it's not like a guaranteed no, my hormones and egg levels and everything seem fine, my uterus is just fine, it's all fine… I just, uh, she said that based on all the indicators and various studies and her experience and her colleagues experience… I guess based on some medical associations too- but I don't know, I haven't really looked into it yet-"

Oliver cut her off, pulling her face up by the chin so that she was looking him dead in the eyes.

"Felicity, honey, you're rambling again- what is it that you're trying to tell me."

"Oliver, we can try as much as we want, but she's putting us at about a 20% chance of being able to have kids. Well, for me to have kids." And with that she collapsed against him, crying and Oliver understood her pain, now he knew where it was coming from, and that knowledge didn't help a thing- because he couldn't do anything to fix it.

So he just pulled her to him and kissed her, stroking her hair and telling her it was going to be ok, they'd be ok, he loved her. And then, suddenly she was shaking her head and pushing him away as she whispered,

"I'm so sorry, Oliver, I'm so sorry." If his heart wasn't already broken for her, it would be now.

"Felicity, you have nothing to be sorry for. I mean, I'm sorry for you- I know that this meant a lot to you. But hey, remember she said it was unlikely but not impossible. And, in the meantime, we'll look at our options- I mean there is adoption, that's a possibility, and…"

Felicity was just shaking her head as he talked but quickly was so worked up she just stood up and yelled, "Oliver, stop!" She stood in front of him, shaking her head- how did he not get it at all?

"Oliver, that's not what this is about- am I upset? Of course I am, and I don't know what's going to happen when what this means to me really settles in and I process it all… but Oliver, I just… I can't do this to you. I can't be another person that you sacrifice for… I mean, Oliver, you have lost just about everyone- you mother, your father, Tommy, Laurel- if anyone deserves a happy family ending, it's you. I can't be the person who steals that away from you." Oliver stood up and crossed to her, but she just shook him off and moved away.

"You deserve so much more than this, you deserve absolutely everything. And maybe…" She took a deep breath and tried to steady her shaking voice, desperate to just get through this conversation so that she could just fall apart. "Maybe it's time I do the selfless, self-sacrificing thing and let you go and find that- go and find your happy ending and someone who can give you everything- because that's what you deserve- you deserve someone who can give you everything that you've ever wanted, everything you should have."

Before the words were out of her mouth, he was up and pulling her to him, squeezing and stroking her spine, trying to keep his tears in check- he had been through that hell once before, he had been left by her and he was never going to go through that again.

"Felicity, Baby- you have to listen to me, you are the only future that I want, you are my everything."

She just looked up at him, her eyes full of pain and anguish.

"Oliver, I know you- this is what you do, you sacrifice the things that you want for the people that you love- and I have never once doubted that you love me so very much. But this is a bigger decision than that. I need you to stop and think about what this all means long term."

"I need you to listen to me- this here, you and me, that's not about finding the perfect family or some kind of human baby making machine- it's about me finding a family. You and I, we know what family is like- sometimes it's messy and it's weird and it's pieced together in the weirdest ways, but that's what makes it beautiful, that's what makes it real and amazing. So, yeah, so what if we can't have kids of our own- if we have to adopt- so what if we have to have years and years of incredible, mind-blowing, fulfilling sex that never results in a child of our own-" He was trying to make a joke and Felicity couldn't help but give a small smile at that. "Nothing else matters but it being you and me- you and me together, in love- that's all I want, it's all I need to be really happy. Everything else, the chips will fall where they fall, and I can handle it all if I have you."

He pulled her to him and crashed his lips on hers, it was fierce and needy and desperate. Oliver had never been best with his words, but he had other ways to convince Felicity that he meant what he said- to show her that she was everything to him, that he would never not want to be with her, no matter what that meant about kids, a family, their future.

And Felicity responded, almost as desperately as him, she was kissing him back, biting at his lips, pushing her tongue in his mouth, arms around his neck as he began to nip at her neck, not so gently sucking at spots that made her moan, shooting pangs of want straight to her core.

"Felicity, I fucking love you- and I want you, I need you." Breathlessly she answered back,

"I love you too, Oliver, I need you too." He lifted her up, her legs straddling him, wrapping around his waist as he moved them to the couch and she was pulling at the hem of his shirt, lifting it above his head, throwing it across the room before she moved to caress his tattoos, pausing briefly to bite his left nipple before flicking it with her tongue, causing him to rock towards her, grinding against her. He threw her on the couch, she shrieked just a little bit as he undid his belt buckle and his zipper- she moaned as she caught sight of him in just his boxer briefs- a sight that would only ever make her instantly wet for him.

Quickly she shed her top, leaving her in only a black lace bra, this time it was Oliver's turn to moan, seeing her pert nipples straining against the lace, instantly remembering in his head what they would look like once he removed the bra, how they would feel against his teeth, his tongue, his lips… and with that he descended on her, tugging her gorgeous breasts out of the confines of lace and attacking them with his mouth- kissing them, suckling them- his teeth nibbling at them, worrying them, enjoying them… and then he would suck for a moment, before soothing them with his tongue- causing her to writhe beneath him- trying to kiss him back, trying to get at him, to bring him into her, but he took her hands and held them above her head- not yet, he had so much to show her, how much he needed her, how much he loved her.

"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met, Ms. Smoak- and I think I need to show you just how amazing and remarkable you really are." And with that he was kissing his way down from her breasts- loathe to leave them, they really were works of indescribable beauty- truly, there were days they were what made him believe in the idea of a God. But then there was the ivory porcelain expanse of her stomach, the way that she shivered when he kissed all over it, moving lower, paying particular attention to her navel, swirling her tongue around it, kissing and sucking the area surrounding it- before he stopped and looked up at her, mischief in his eyes- along with a certain hunger as he began to pull on her yoga pants she was wearing, tugging them down, slowly- tortuously for them both, kissing and sucking and nipping at the skin he revealed slowly- he knew that he was leaving marks, but he didn't care- let her be marked, she belonged to him, she was his wife, his soulmate- the only thing that mattered to his happiness.

"God, you're so fucking sexy when you make that noise, did you know that?" And then he moved further down, needing to hear that sound again-dragging her panties down with his teeth, causing a guttural groan that turned instantly into a hiss as he kissed at the inside of her thighs and she attempted to buck her hips towards his mouth- but he just pushed back, he had plans.

And those plans involved him working his way all up and down her legs and hips with his mouth- tugging and licking and sucking, kissing her gently- occasionally ghosting over her core, just exhaling over her delicious scent and she was losing it.

"Oliver, if you don't fuck me with your tongue soon-"

"You'll what?" He growled back at her, ridiculously turned on by her using that kind of language, something she didn't do on a regular basis.

"If you don't use that particularly gifted tongue on me in the very immediate future, then I don't think I'll use mine on you for the far foreseeable future- and we all know how much you would hate that."

"Oh, god, that would be criminal, wouldn't it?" And he winked at her before he plunged his tongue right into the center of her, licking at her wet folds, reveling in the tangy, salty taste that was just so her. He spent his time working her, and just as she was getting to the very apex of her enjoyment he inserted two fingers inside, thrusting as deep as he could, feeling her trembling underneath him, falling apart and shattering at his doing.

As she began to fall from that high, that precipice, trying to catch her breath, she looked up at him- her blond hair all over her face in a gorgeous mess- he didn't even notice that her mascara was a bit smeared on her face from her tears before, or that her bra was just a twisted mess somewhere around her waist- she was Felicity, she'd always be perfect to him, no matter what. He leaned over to kiss her, brushing the hair back from her face, smiling as he gazed at her.

"Now, do you need more convincing as to how perfect we are together? Because, quite frankly, I have arguments that could seriously go all night if necessary." She smiled as she arched a brow at that.

"Well, lead the way upstairs, Mr. Queen- if you think it's going to take that much convincing, we should probably get to a bed."


	19. A Great Day For A Wedding

"Oliver? Why are you out here in the hall?"

Felicity was just coming back from a surprisingly relaxing afternoon of lunch and mani-pedis with her mom; Donna was going to Vegas for Christmas, spending it with some friends, so she wanted to do a girls afternoon out before then. She had just exited the elevator and Oliver was standing outside their door in a tux.

"Did I know that you had somewhere to be? I wasn't supposed to go with you was I?" She had been working such crazy hours the last week or two, trying to get ready to close down Smoak Technologies for the holidays without losing much money- her client list so far was small, but robust and she was loving the challenges her clients were bringing- not to mention having the active income again.

Oliver was just smiling back at her as she moved to open the door, looking at him like he was insane- but instead he took her hand as it touched the doorknob, holding it.

"A year ago tonight I stood up in front of the whole city and told them exactly what you mean to me- that you are, that you have always been, the one who lights my way. That night didn't go exactly as I had hoped…" His voice trailed off as they both remembered what had happened ten minutes after his speech. "A lot of things have happened since that night, a lot has changed since then… but one thing hasn't changed, won't ever change. You are still the one who lights my way." And then she gasped as he got on one knee and looked up at her, nothing but love shining from his face. "So, Felicity Smoak, will you make me the happiest man on the earth and marry me- right now?"

"Wait- what? Right now? What do you mean, like right now right now?"He smiled back at her- god, that was a gorgeous smile.

"I mean that we walk in there, you let Thea whisk you upstairs and into a dress and then you come back down where our closest friends will be waiting to watch you marry me." She just looked at him for a minute before she pushed open the door, walking into the apartment. She was greeted by Thea directing Digg and Quentin as they finished stringing up twinkle lights from wall to wall across the ceiling and a beautifully draped chuppah by the double door leading out to the balcony. Barry, Iris, and Caitlin were in the kitchen area pouring champagne and setting out the cake as Joe and Cisco were in the corner with Curtis arguing about music at the sound system. Rene and Dinah were blowing up balloons and Lyla was watching Sara do twirls in a big white princess dress, with flowers in her hair.

She took the view in, touched that her friends would come together to do this for her, for them. She heard Oliver behind her, he had stood up again.

"Your mom agreed to get you out of the house this afternoon, she was going to hurry up and change and meet you over here in a few." She was quiet as she continued to look at the effort everyone was putting forth, her eyes tearing up, about to burst. He noticed that and got nervous.

"I mean, if this isn't what you want… I know we talked about maybe going to Bali, or even Positano… or having a big thing on our anniversary or something… I just had this idea and bounced it off Thea and she did that thing where she clapped her hands and jumped up and down and that made me think it was a good idea… but…" She just turned around, tears falling down her face as she cupped his face and pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss.

"Yes, Oliver. Yes. Let's get married." He pulled back, not sure he could believe what he was hearing- but he pulled away and looked and she was smiling as tears fell and she was nodding her head.

"Really?"

"Yes, let's get married in front of all of our friends. It's perfect." From behind them Thea squealed, apparently she had been watching their interaction the whole time.

"Yay, I knew it- see, I told you Oliver, I told you it was perfect!" Oliver went in for another kiss but ended up touching air as Thea pulled her away and towards the stairs.

"I told him not to overthink it, not to overcomplicate it, but he was so nervous- if he wasn't my brother and therefore I'm forced to love him, I probably would have been annoyed by the whole damn thing. Anyways, I took it upon myself to call up some local boutiques and they were practically falling over themselves to give you a wedding dress… and since you're like a perfect size 4, you're going to fit into their dresses they keep in stock just fine- so long as you wear some killers heel, which I've made sure to supply you with, you're very welcome." And that was all Oliver could hear as they disappeared into the master bedroom upstairs and he went over to talk to Digg.

Up in the room Felicity was amazed to see a selection of five wedding gowns hanging up for her to choose from- a few different veil options, some jewelry and all of our her hair stuff was out as Thea just kept talking.

"So your mom is on the way, she and I have our favorites, but we wanted you to have options. We assumed you wouldn't want to wear the same dress from the last… uh, ceremony- but that is in the closet and it was steamed if you do want to." Felicity shook her head at that one- she didn't really have any good memories or warm fuzzy feelings towards anything that happened that day- on the whole, she'd pretty much rather forget that it ever happened.

"Ok, that's what we thought- wow, I'm so glad about that one, I would have felt so bad if you really had wanted to wear it but I treated it kind of like it was unimportant… so, i guess the choice is yours from here out. So, take a look, I wanted to bring in a few different kinds of styles for you, but really tried to bring in my thoughts on your style and tastes from what I've seen you wear to various events and all that… so, I guess… just take a look and let me know what you think?" She was clearly nervous- this was a pretty big thing she had taken on,

Felicity walked up to the first dress, fingering the rich ivory silk of the one-shouldered mermaid dress by Amsale- there was a huge vertical bow in the back- it was elegant and modern, classic but contemporary… it was amazing!

"Wow, Thea, seriously, I can't believe you pulled together so many stunning choices- are you sure I only get to wear one?" Her eyes were sparkling with humor as she teased her sister-in-law, so excited that as of today it was going to really feel official and right for her.

Thea for her part was smiling and bouncing on the balls of her feet, so happy that Felicity was happy with the choices.

"Oh, thank god you like them! Oliver originally thought that maybe you would want something really simple and short- like a cocktail dress, but I told him that if you wanted a wedding, you obviously wanted a real wedding dress- and as much as I liked the one you got last time, I couldn't help but feel it was way more influenced by the fact that you were in the chair at the time you bought it and it was a really pretty top, but it just… it wasn't your usual tastes- and I remember you really weren't a fan of ballgowns, in fact I mostly stuck with this silhouette for you.

"Now, if you ask me, I love that dress, but I see it more in a rich blue or maybe red for you for some kind of black tie function- not so much a wedding gown. My favorite choices for you are the lace Maggie Sottero with the plunging front and back..." She pointed to the dress furthest from Felicity- a champagne silk with ivory lace before pivoting to the dress next to the one Felicity was standing in front of, "And I like that one." Thea said, pointing to gorgeous satin trumpet dress with silver beading in deco patterns at the sides of her waist and her shoulders, it was practically backless with a vintage-y tulle train, embroidered in the same kind of silver beading, barely sweeping the floor in the back. Thea was dead on, she could absolutely see herself refusing to take either dress off once she put it on.

She walked over to a third dress- it was stunning, all over champagne lace over a silk lining that was almost apricot in color, beaded straps and tiers of lace after the knee for a great vintage take on the silhouette- and then she noticed the bodice- totally sheer between the breasts and the waist, only boning visible in the lace. She cocked an eyebrow and looked at her fashion consultant.

"Let me guess, my mom picked this one?" Thea just smiled and nodded.

"In all fairness, you would look bonkers amazing in it- but I had trouble seeing you pick something that sexy for a wedding dress. Now, if things with her and Quentin keep going the way they are, it might be the perfect gown for her…" Felicity laughed back,

"You think Donna Smoak would wear something this sedate and traditional for her wedding?"

"Ok, fine, maybe if it were dyed Magenta?"

"There ya' go- that sounds more realistic." Finally she got to the last option in the room- it was, yet again, more beautiful than Felicity could have imagined for a spur-of-the-moment wedding in her living room. As she fingered the delicate embroidery and beadwork Thea spoke.

"That's actually from the same shop you got your other dress… same designer for that matter, I think." It was the most elaborate of all the gowns, ivory netting over ivory silk, capped sleeves with pearls and crystals embroidered in floral shapes throughout before it got to the slightly flared skirt. The back was almost non-existent, but there was a small illusion panel right above the waist. "So, do you have any thoughts on what you may want to try on?"

"Umm, I think you nailed it, Thea- let's try on the two you suggested and go from there."

And that's how a little less than an hour later Felicity was being walked down the aisle by a beaming Donna (wearing a low cut off the shoulder dress in bright pink with a slit about 6 inches up her thigh, but Felicity couldn't help but be thankful for how tasteful it was- considering what she knew it could have been). Apparently the guys had finally settled on a ballad version of The Police'sEvery Little Thing She Does Is Magic - Sara was all the way down the aisle and Thea most of the way there before Felicity hit the bottom of the stairs and paused to look up and take in the moment- this was actually happening!

Oliver caught her eyes at that moment, her beatific smile mirrored in his expression as she started walking towards him.

She had settled on the slightly more daring lace dress- the neckline plunged tastefully to her waist, causing Oliver's breathing to pick up- and he hadn't even seen the back yet, she smirked to herself. Thea had paired the dress with a single tier, chapel length veil, long diamond earrings and her hair in curls, swept to the side with a crystal barrette holding it back. As she got closer she saw Oliver had tears in his eyes- good, because she had them herself and now she knew she wouldn't make a fool of herself by bawling her eyes out. Digg stood next to Oliver as his Best Man and she was just now processing that Quentin was actually the one standing up to officiate for them- smiling at her like she was his own daughter, another thought that tugged at her heart, making it even fuller.

"Good God, I don't know which one of them is hotter, Peanut- but those are two very fine specimens of manhood right there." Her mom whispered as they approached the chuppah, nodding to Oliver and Quentin. "Make sure you take full advantage of your wedding night tonight, Baby Girl."

"Mom!" Felicity hissed back- this was so not the time for her mom to be herself. As they reached their destination Donna hugged Oliver and then Felicity, giving him a special glare- most likely reminding him of whatever threat she had made earlier if he hurt her daughter ever again. He nodded solemnly as he took Felicity's hands in his his, smiling so hard she thought his face might shatter- and it was a beautiful thing. He leaned in to kiss her cheek before he wiped away a tear that had escaped down the side of her face, he whispered

"You are stunning."

"You don't look so bad yourself… you're certainly wearing the hell out of that tux…" He winked back at her, knowing her weakness for him in a tux and suspenders- especially at the end of the night when his sleeves were rolled up, his top button unbuttoned and the bowtie untied around his neck. Quentin cleared his throat a bit exaggeratedly.

"How about letting us get this thing going already- we all think it's clear you two idiots have putzed around on this topic long enough- let's get you two hitched, ok?" Everyone in the room laughed at that one as the man started to talk about marriage and the couple in front of him. Felicity wasn't really paying attention to anything he was saying, it was awfully difficult to focus on anything when Oliver was looking at her like he was. She eventually tuned in when Quentin nudged her shoulder with his elbow- causing another laugh from the group.

"So, even though this guy here isn't even one tenth close enough to being good enough for Felicity here- and even though this is apparently, and somewhat mind-bogglingly already legal, given where they stood all that time ago when they went through all of this before, these two felt the need to share this moment with us and to say their vows when she wasn't rightfully seething with pure loathing and hatred for the guy."

"Hey, I didn't hate him that much." Felicity tried to protest, but was also amused by Oliver's squirming.

"Now, Oliver thought that this might be a little too last minute for you to each write your vows- we have some if you need- but if you want-" She cut him off.

"No, I uh… I think I can wing it." She took a deep breath, trying to center herself, taking a minute to gather her thoughts. "Oliver, before I met you I was just a lowly IT girl, stuck in a small office, the bulk of my free time was spent binge watching Dr. Who and eating mint chip ice cream… I didn't go out much, I didn't meet people, I didn't do anything, really. And then you came into my life and I suddenly… I had a purpose, I was using my skills to make the city a better place. And it made me happy- I found a family in you and Dig and Thea- Quentin…" She nodded at the man who had become like a father to her. "I don't really know for sure when I fell in love with you- it honestly happened kind of gradually, and then all of a sudden I realized that I was in love with my best friend. And I know that we've had our ups and downs, and I know that it is not always going to easy or as perfect as this moment is… but I know that we're going to continue to fight for each other, we're going to continue to make each other better… and I know that we will never again give up." She was crying now, grateful for her waterproof makeup.

"I promise you, Oliver, I will never give up on us again. I promise I will always make sure you know how much I love you. I vow to continue being your best friend, to always call you on your shit when you need it and to support you when you stubbornly ignore me and things blow up in your face because of it. And I promise to always remember exactly how I'm feeling right now, in this exact moment, and never lose sight of how much I love you."

Oliver was smiling so hard as he looked down at her as she spoke, he loved this woman so much he honestly worried his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. Quentin nudged him, apparently it was his turn and he hadn't heard the man say it.

"Felicity, I honestly never thought I'd ever get to the point where I found someone I wanted to marry. It's no secret that my parents' marriage was maybe more of an obligation than anything else and I honestly didn't see anything other than that in my future. And then, after the island, it never occurred to me that I could have anything resembling love or a relationship- I avoided it, I refused to get involved with anyone, I didn't think I could afford the liabilities of caring about someone.

"But the truth is that I was an idiot." Everyone laughed at that one, Quentin nodded his head and Thea flat out snorted. "I was an idiot for thinking that I had any choice in the matter- because if I'm being honest, I look back at the day I found you in your office, chewing on a red pen, was the day that my life changed- irrevocably, and it became so much better. Suddenly I didn't have to carry this enormous, dark burden all by myself.

"Felicity, I promise that I will never again put anything before us, because we're too important. I promise to spend every day of my life trying to show you how much I love you, how happy you make me, and to always try and be the man that you believe I can be. I'm not going to promise that I'll never mess up, because I think we all know I will- a lot. But I do promise to do whatever it takes to own up to my mistakes and try and right them - especially if I have you at my side to help me. Felicity, you are my always- I love you." He had found himself getting really emotional towards the end there, he knew he had tears in his eyes- he just couldn't believe how lucky he was that he had gotten his second chance with this woman- the only woman in the world he could ever be happy with.

"Alright, well, now that's done… and seeing you both already have rings, I think we're just going to call it a day and get to the celebrating- but not until after you kiss the bride." And with smiles so big that they would both be in pain the next day Oliver pulled her to him, tears in both of their eyes as his lips crashed down on hers. Around them were cheers and clapping and comments, but neither of them even noticed, enjoying this moment just between them.

"I love you, Felicity."

"I love you too. And I always will."


End file.
